Day 1

I searched for another site and it came up with one and I opened it and was blocked straight away, the sense of relief I feel is amazing because I don't want to gamble I really don't I've realised that I am so well and truly sick sick sick of it the lies, the self disgust, the wasted time, the debt, the fear, the depression I could go on couldn't I. If they hadn't blocked me would I have gambled? Yes probably but they blocked me and the sense of relief I feel now is good, I won't be looking for another obscure site I've done. Counselling tomorrow really could use it as I'm far from free yet maybe will have to be vigilant rest of my life but I'm in this now forever

Lulu...its a very hard journey! You will beat yourself up daily about it, however it's now time to kick Mr'G' to the curb. Hope your counselling session helps. Keep plodding on my dear 🙂

Thanks Lady h yes time to kick Mr G to the curb well & truly 🙂

Just been thinking how very blessed I am, husband, home, food in bellies, my family, especially my son and grandchildren even though I don't get to see them as much as they live quite far. And my baby my puppy dog Jasmine Jazzy for short she's beautiful and so loving and she loves walks so walked her little legs off today it made her happy and then me cos she was happy. I have much to be thank ful for. I feel reconnected to my husband I never realised before but my gambling had a definite adverse effect on our relationship stress over money me asking for more and lying about what I want it for and the mood swings and nastiness from me when I'm stressed because I've lost a lot of money.....again. I know no marriage is perfect but with the gambling it would have eventually broken down and I don't want that as much as we've had our ups and downs. So time to appreciate what I have and stop destroying it. Nearly end of Day 3 been a tough day

Nice positive post Lulu , looking at whats good instead of bad and being greatfull for what we do have instead of what we think we need :)) .

I think once you stop it makes you question many things and begin to appreciate the simple things in life like you did today walking the dog :)) , I walk mine all the time tell em my worries and concerns and funny but they always listen although since I stopped ga,mbling they don't get so much of an ear bashing :)) .

Just one thin concernes me though calling your dog Jasmine really ? poor s** LOL !

Have a great night Lulu and talk to you soon :))

Hi Alan 🙂 lol she was already called Jasmine lol she's a rescue bless her I wasn't to keen on name so shorten it to Jazzy lol :))) bit better. Yes you start to see what you've got instead of losing it your grateful you have those ppl in your life best wishes Alan x

been busy but strong urges not good, plodding on and feel more positive despite urges cos had my assessment counselling appt going to cbt too so glad I asked for the counselling

Hi Lulu Glad you saw the funny side of it as Admin censored the word S .od ? I don't know honestly :)). anyway Jazzie's much better your so right :)).

You have to fight those urges especially early on , just do anything to take your mind of off it , even if you have to deal with it one hour at a time , they will pass and it will get easier but you just have to give it some time , I just posted to Almisty on the recovery diarys about the same thing , I was a little harsh but it might be worth a look at as it would apply to you as well , sometimes we need a kick up the jacksie to spur us on , I know I did in the early days .

Stay safe and keep positive and you'll be alright :))

Hey lulu eem reading your thread, hope you (and Jasmine) are doing well 🙂

Hi Alan lol yes saw funny side glad you made me laugh lol :)) yes I've read that post I am fighting the urges and I think someone needs to be tough with you in the early days we need reminding the hard cold truth! Anyway thanks Alan love reading your posts! :)) full of truth and common sense :)) best wishes Alan catch you later x

Hi Stephen thanks for your post yes we're ok Jasmine especially cos she's getting extra walks lol thanks Stephen hope your ok? x

Been busy again which is good cos boy oh boy am I getting urges and watching my brain trying to justify gambling again the usual voice saying you might win er no I'll lose as always and end up in even more of a mess than I am already, next month is going to be so very tight and it's my 50th yet I'll be skint as per so stupid I never want to go back to that dreadful suicidal feeling battling on best wishes everyone

Hi Lulubobs , Could you not have got an easier name to write ?

Regarding those urges , maybe try and of all the times you've had a big or reasonable win and then think what did I buy myself with all those winnings ? I've looked back at my gambling life and thought about the same thing and I can't really see anytghing to show for it all and I've had a feww biggies in my time , truth is all I ever did was think "Oh great " I can pay a few bills now but the thing is if I hadn't been gambling I wouldn't have been behind with those bills in the first place , problem was that I may have thought about paying those bills but it usually meant one thing to me " Yeah ! more gambling tokens , to put back in the machine " coz it stopped being about winning money and just about the buzz I got from gambling ? .

Crazy that it;s thing's like that which keep you in the gamling loop but it's not until you stop you see it for what it really is ??.

Your doing great Lu ( that's what I'm gonna call you now Lol ) , just keep plodding along and It'll pass :))

Stay safe x

Lol Alan yes call me Lu lol :))) aww bless you for taking time again to help me see the sheer futility! Exactly the same I've only ever thought pay few bills or worse won back money lost (well it is all lost money hey) to live on. I may have bought a few clothes but that's it and especially these last few years it's just been deeper and deeper into debt. Yep nothing whatsoever to show for it and it was just about the buzz the only time I felt happy was when I was gambling but that's just an illusion isn't it have you read Alan carrs easy way to stop gambling? I'm about a third of way through and can honestly say that it's really helping with the urges as well as what you've just put I feel much better and the book and you make so much sense! Feel freer today much less wanting to gamble and more feeling involved in life again, onwards and upwards Alan :))) thanks again for your very wise words x

I've not been counting the days as I'm just taking one day at a time. First evening I've not felt the urge to gamble it's definitely helped reading Allan Carrs Easy Way as well as coming here, the only thing is I feel lonely? Even though my hubbys here it's like the gambling was a 'friend' company? And now I'm not I feel lonely but I'm sure that will pass in time just like the ups and downs in mood, best wishes everyone