Day One

I've just bought a couple of Xmas presents (I know, I know) but made me think that it will be the first Xmas in a long time that my bonus from work won't be wasted on gambling online slots to try and win a bigger bonus! All that extra work all year and never a thing to show for my bonus!! I will hopefully have abit more saved up by then and more paid off debt, so won't feel sick the whole of Xmas that Jan and the rest of the year will be depressing as I'm in lots of debt. That I don't have to make excuse after excuse that I can't go out and celebrate Xmas with friends (usually don't have any money) I can honestly, 100% say for the first time in how ever many years, that I'm truly looking forward to Xmas! I do live Xmas anyway, but i always have that sad, sticky feeling throughout. I usually buy to be honest, not the best Xmas presents because I can never afford anything amazing, but this year I'm going that extra mile! I'm making 100% effort and so looking forward to it! This realisation has put me on top of the moon today, feeling so positive and great! C x

Had a lovely day. Sat down tonight and looked at my money situation...something I've put off looking at properly for a long time! It ain't too pretty, but I need to use this my focus to pay my debts down now! This time next year, I'm determined to have my emergency fund strong (min of £1000) and have paid all or most of my debt. The thought of owing money does make me feel sick, but so does the thought of gambling it all away and being in a bigger mess!! I can get out of this mess and I will, time to work my a**e off and smash this debt down! All this debt for nothing, but sick feelings, stress, anxiety, sleepless night and all the rest that comes with being a cg. I need to stay strong and do this!! Feeling thoughtful tonight. C x

Day16- absolutely loving my days racking up! Most defiantly keeping me focused! Feeling a little stressed at work, just not enough hours in a day, but apart from that all is good. Will write in later, as work to be done. Cx

Good on you charley...
Always best to face it head on..
Just don't stretch yourself to thin with repaying debts...you need to have a decent standard of life while on this journey...
Your doing great....just don't expect to much to soon love...
Not gambling is your biggest acheiment....and everyday you don't play means the debts get no bigger...x

Thank Loxxie, you're right I won't go to OTT with paying debts this month, as if I leave myself short I back feeling down etc. Good point! Very true as well that they aren't growing as not spending online etc thank you x

Day 17- feeling good. Did have thought of gambling last night, so again grateful I have the blocks I. Place. Strange, it just seemed to come out of no where. Just sat down last night and felt shattered after another hectic day, and thought feel like rewarding myself, I used to gamble to reward myself, in fact I gambled if I was happy, sad, in a bad mood for any excuse really. So I lot my candles and chilled watching trash tv. I'm not going to say it was easy because it wasn't, but I'm day 17 gamble free. 🙂 C x

Well done Charlie...
Those urges do come from no where ! weird..
And that's why blocks are important....gives you a saftey zone. ...while you push the thoughts away...
When I use to get them id say out load " your having a laugh arnt you...you won't sucker me back in "
Just do whatever it takes...it gets easier hun. ..
Addiction took time to in prison are brains ...it takes time to re tune it all....your doing great...and yes...you must treat yourself and not leave yourself short....addiction loves an excuse to rear it's head....and being skint can be a trigger....keep plodding on love x

Thank you loxxie. Pay day on Friday and done some sums etc, going to pay some debts down, but leave myself with some money for rest of month. Day18- feeling positive about not wasting my money again, perhaps because I've got lots of other family things to worry about at the moment, and that's occupying my mind. C x

Day 18 evening- not sure how I'm feeling. Read a few dairies on here on my breaks and it breaks my heart that people are at totally rock bottom through this horrible addiction! That people see no future. It's made me even more determined to beat this! Because I know I'm lucky, as I can see a future without gambling and debts. It's not by any means going to be easy and will take years to be sorted, but I owe it to myself and family to get do it and to be happy. I work two jobs and not ni h to show for it, but that needs to change and will change! Thinking hard about things tonight. C x

Day 19- no urges, but poorly today, so feeling rubbish. Cx

Day 20 tomorrow and pay day! Will be a huge tester, but I will not cave in! I will not win because I can not stop! I can't bare another month of being skint. Time to sort finances out for once and for all!! Cx

Has anyone mentioned getting some counselling to help you with strategies or other help like Gamblers Anonymous?

Hi triangle, yes I'm aware of other help out there. However, right now this is helping me. I will never rule other help out, as I can't be sure what will happen in the future. I will always bare it in mind, thank you C x

hi charley

well done on your journey, protecting your money is the way forward now and getting too pay day with money left over. Thats when you see the difference. try not too think about pay day too much and focus on where you are now and where you were. it will stop you from gambling. Moving forward never back

good luck

ally

Thanks ally Cx