Day one of what I hope is a new and normal life

Day 107

That number is starting to sound good. I am going to enjoy Tuesday at my GA meeting and calling out 111 days.

Good day today. Plenty of work on my recovery. Small walk unlike the 31k steps yesterday. Finished off Step 2 of the 12 steps. Spoke to some fellows from GA.

I really love my start to the day. When I started the 12 steps this was the most alien thing to me I have ever heard of. Wake up. Say the Serenity Prayer, meditate using guided meditation on youtube for 10 mins and then write out a gratitude list of 10 things I am grateful for. Well in all honesty is Stuart's thinking that got me into this mess and it's certainly not Stuart's thinking that's going to get me out of it. 

This is the way to start every day. If you really want to give work through recovery, starting the day on a positive makes such a huge difference in life and it really really works. 

Day 108

I've got that 150 days GF in my sights now. I can taste it. It's still one day at a time but it's staring me in the face. Not getting complacent and taking everything slowly. Wake up, start recovery, simplify life, life and recovery balance. Eat and sleep then wake up and repeat.

It's been a really good day today. Woke up and started my usual daily routine. Drove down with my daughter to see my parents, just made it in time to ring my sponsor at the agreed time but made it ok. Good chat with him. Then my daughter and Mum went out shopping and I had a great time talking to my Dad. Now I'm GF I really connect with him. Drove back home and had a great chat in the car with my daughter. Nice evening eating some party food (no party, just the food) with my family and went on the chatroom. Nice to see a newbie on there and hope more come on the chatrooms as the support is amazing between all of us. I love this site and all it gives to everyone. It's always here, 24/7 365 days per year whenever anyone needs it. 

Watching a good series on ITV now and then off to bed

Trying to stay strong and not think about the pending future interview one day at a time.

Day 109

Good day today. Trying to be present and concentrate on today only which is difficult with upcoming police interview which is getting nearer and nearer.

Did a lot of recovery work today. Read through topics and replied on here and the Evive app. Good chatroom tonight at 8 which was busy and good conversations. Missed the lunch one as it clashes with ringing my sponsor and a couple of fellows from GA, three very good conversations though. Gambling addiction for the time being has dulled but I am determined to not go back, one day at a time. Why would I want to throw away this life I have now to mess up my mind and the chaos of the addiction. This week there are going to be triggers everywhere with Cheltenham but I'm determined not only to not bet but to maintain my days since day 1 of not looking up a single horse race result.

Still keep getting the ridiculous wake up thought of must put my bets on but it lasts seconds before I am back in the real world

Sleeping is still rubbish. One minute sleep a lot and next can't sleep. I guess all those years of sleeping 3 hours per night are a other thing I can't just switch off.

Learning more each day. Being a better version of me each day

Just for today I won't gamble

Hope everyone has a good gamble free week 

@lp5vut869c Well done Stuart 👏👏👏💪.

My sleep pattern is shocking also and was just as bad when I was gambling. Now however, it’s being unemployed that’s keeping me awake at night 😰. Like you though, I am just trying to take one day at a time and hoping for the best 🤞🙏🙏🙏. I also have the best family who have my back 👌.

Sorry to hear about your upcoming police interview. I will keep you in my prayers as I am sure this will be playing heavy on your mind. Honesty is always the best policy in my mind so just be open and honest with them 🤞🙏🙏.

Hope you have a good week ahead and a bit more sleep.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Hi Pink Lady

Thank you so much for your undying support. It's so appreciated and always brings me back to the present. I have to remember that the only thing I need to concentrate on is my recovery 

I don't have a job either which gives me a lot of time to concentrate on it. I hope to have the opportunity one day to help people as that's all I want to do within the recovery sector. 

@lp5vut869c 🤞🙏🙏🙏🙏.

🩷🍎.

All I can say is thank you and I will prayer that all your dreams come to true and you enjoy a GF life which I know you will. That's in your heart 

Day 110, well it's actually day 111 now but I've just got off the modern meeting online and forgot to post

Good recovery day today. Rang my sponsor and had a good chat. Called two fellows from GA. Went to all four chatrooms and had some good conversations which help me do much. Posted a bit on here, there are some great posts recently from this community and amazing support. Watched a recovery video. Did my daily walk to try and keep tabs on Adams steps. Usual Costa which I love and most of all was present and didn't gamble. 

Today I acted out the serenity prayer which I love so much 

Day 111

Loved that number when I signed in today. Makes me thinks that 150 is in my sights one day at a time. I need to remind myself to be present. Stay within today. When I was working in publishing running a company a magazine would come out that was closed two weeks ago and I was always working on future issues up to 12 months in advance. Now that life has gone, as much as I adored it, it's gone and won't come back. So looking forward is dangerous for me and I need someone to remind me if I slip off that just for today narrative. For me this is a life long struggle. I'm not perfect and that's ok. I have moments when I am lonely and that's ok. I feel vulnerable and that's ok. I feel depressed and that's ok. I feel anxious and that's also ok. However I feel today, I can reach out and talk to someone. I can't fix how I feel, I can work on it each day to cope but that's ok. I left my ego at the door to recovery and that's where it needs to stay.

Hope everyone on here is doing ok 

Day 112

Tough day. Was always going to be tough with Cheltenham on. No thoughts of gambling but the voice kept saying, just look up the results about five times today. I'm not giving into that, would just roll back the years. Thank goodness there isn't a festival of slots

well done these are the days that count the most

Thank you mate 

Day 113

Well. First gambling dream !!!!! Dreamt of relapse and woke up at 5am in a cold sweat. Interesting that I told my partner and called it a dream rather than a nightmare. No urges to gamble but the dream has been with me all day . I can't understand why but I can't say it was helpful. Went to GA tonight which was a great new bunch of people as I went back to where it all started. Amazed that I didn't know anyone in the room. Needed it tonight but really missed the chatroom. 

Oh well, these things are meant to test us. My addiction is yet again trying a back door approach but it's not winning, I am because I'm betting on me, one day at a time

Anyone reading this, be proud of another day gamble free. Pat yourself on the back and if you can't reach get someone else to do it by sharing your number. 

Onwards and upwards, the absolute worst day in recovery is better than the best day in action. 

6 days to go to the police interview now 

Day 114

Staying positive, staying present and not thinking about the future where I can. I've spent too many years in escapism and have to face the rocky road ahead, but today I am safe, I have shelter and I have food. 

It's been a good day, spent most of it on recovery, couple of good zoom meetings (recovery ones).

Good chatroom tonight, few less people on there but I suppose it's Friday night. 

Big shout out to Tazman who is only 27 days away from 1000 days GF which is amazing. Not long as well to Adams staggering 2345 days GF, one day at a time.

If only we could bottle up the strength, hope, support and love on this site, we could conquer anything. 

If anyone is in pain, if anyone is suffering, just reach out on here. Unity is power.  

@lp5vut869c 👏👏👏💪👌.

Hi Stuart.

I am still praying for you that your police interview will go in your favour as I know you have been trying so hard to do the right thing and do what’s best to make your life better 🤞🙏.

As you know, I am going through a very worrying time too. One that I thought I would never have to worry about (2 more knock backs from jobs yesterday and today). To be honest, I didn’t particularly want either of them but when one of them was for the same organisation that I have worked in for the last 20 years and yet I didn’t even get an interview!🤷🏻‍♀️. I will say it again- A.I Sifting process has a lot to answer for and not always the best way to pick the best candidates 🤬. Hey ho. Like you, I will continue to just try to see each day as a new day 🤞🙏.

Hope you have a lovely weekend enjoying the simple things and remaining in the present.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.