Focus on the future, because in the future you haven't gambled

52 days free of gambling
55 days to go (450 to pay off before Nov.)
416 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 130 days = +1020

So got confirmation of my bonus today and while it is pretty much double my wages for the month I still have things to pay off and a lot coming up in the new year so I'm still not a lot better off. Any advice please on if I should clear my credit cards to 0 or leave a bit on and incur interest over the next few months. Just don't really want all my money going to pay them off as it is depressing after all its a bonus I've worked hard for.

53 days free of gambling
54 days to go (450 to pay off before Nov.)
424 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 131 days = +1028
So I decided yesterday I still will go skiing in Jan. It may cost me around 350-400 but I really enjoy it and it would be a shame to miss out. May even stick the costs on a credit card so it doesn't impact me in the near future. Just hope I can pass my exam and get a pay rise for the few months left at my current job.

54 days free of gambling
53 days to go (450 to pay off before Nov.)
432 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 132 days = +1036
Well half way to the end of the year and I'm feeling really positive, I think my great aunts death has led me to realise there is a lot more to life and I may actually get some inheritance which would give me a fresh chance to start again and really do the things in life I want to do. Should have got up early and studied but went bouldering last night and physically struggling to get out of bed. Lots to do at the weekend but feeling positive about it.

55 days free of gambling 52 days to go (450 to pay off before Nov.) 440 pounds saved. 773 paid off (long term debts) 0 spent on gambling Money +- in last 133 days = +1044
So today more studying should have done last night but easily distracted, just not by gambling thankfully. Have added a photo so you can put a face to the posts, quite poignant as it's taken from the last holiday I had since I gambled. Celebrating my parents anniversary at a really nice restaurant in Arizona. Actually paid for this with my own money and not gambling Money but then spent the rest of the holiday thinking I need to win some back to cover and that cost me 1.2k.

Dan

great to see you using your diary for your own therapy fella.

This dirty addiction uses the good and bad times in our lives without prejudice to get us to fall back in it's grip.

great to see you have learnt from your last episode,for it be proud and thanks for sharing.

A wiser person than I once said to recover you have to give your recovery away,again today you did just that.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

56 days free of gambling

51 days to go (450 to pay off before Nov.)

448 pounds saved.

773 paid off (long term debts)

0 spent on gambling

Money +- in last 134 days = +1052

Well it's technically day 56, not doing a life update until 2 weeks due to lots on in my head at the moment. Exam in a week and a bit, stag do next weekend (great timing that one), them my great aunties funeral also.

I hope to come out the end of November a very different person, less worried, financially more stable and able to try to really have a go at beating gambling once and for all.

57 days free of gambling
50 days to go (450 to pay off before Nov.)
456 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 135 days = +1060

Thanks Emily. Well made it through some pretty tough urges last night. Feeling really sluggish and just wanted to lie in bed and bet as I have a stag do next weekend that I know is going to cost me a bit of money. Ah well every time I say no to gambling I hope it's a building block on my recovery.

58 days free of gambling 49 days to go (450 to pay off before end Nov.) 464 pounds saved. 773 paid off (long term debts) 0 spent on gambling Money +- in last 136 days = +1068. These urges are really coming thick and fast. Right so almost at 2 months and exam in under 2 weeks need to forget about trying to win a little bit of money back as a) I don't have the time to waste, right now this exam means a he'll of a lot and b) I will lose the money and be in an even worse place.

Hi RST

Those horrible hideous urges, push through them, you know they don't last , 58 days is not something to give up, and each time you don't give in to them you know it makes you stronger and wiser, and that hideous addiction hates that, keep starving it and keep winning.

Take care and stay safe

Suzannexx

59 days free of gambling

48 days to go (450 to pay off before end Nov.)

472 pounds saved.

773 paid off (long term debts)

0 spent on gambling

Money +- in last 137 days = +1076

Dreams, fascinating things, used to have a real love hate with them, they were mainly about gambling and made me wake up either eager to gamble or panic that I'd gone and lost loads. Last night though I had a normal couple of dreams, first part about work and some things that were going on then the second about meeting a beautiful German girl when on a trip there with some friends and we would just sneak off from the back of a tour to chat and lie in the sun. Shame it's not true but it's maybe taking things from my past relationships and my time before gambling, sorry for the ramblings but I just want to point out that I am starting to return to normal and not be thinking about gambling every waking second. Hope this continues.

I have also been using plenty of fish to pass the time, seeing if any girls are interested in a recovering compulsive gambler (obviously didn't put that in the heading). When I woke from my dream I looked on Facebook to see my best friend from school has proposed to his girlfriend on a beach in Australia, we were both top of the class students and I just think that could have been me right now if I hadn't messed things up. But it could be me in 2/3 years if I keep up the abstinence.

Oh also thanks Suzanne for your words, sorry I have not been replying on your post or others, just seem a bit selfish right now which hopefully won't continue for too long.

60 days free of gambling
47 days to go (450 to pay off before end Nov.)
480 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 138 days = 1084
Lots of studying done last night which was good but still worried I won't pass again after all the effort I'm putting in, which would really hurt. Am up early today doing some more questions so at least I'm in the right mind frame.

On to another topic (starting to see a theme appearing here), Binges, we often see news articles about binge drinking or binge eating and think god that's terrible, but in reality they may cost 20-50 quid and have short term health problems, binge gambling can cost in any region upwards of 50-1000 quid or more, and the consequences, well we all know it's short term guilt that turns into long term pain as we fight to claw back what's lost and also have the burden of debt. The papers should be reporting on us not some boozed up students who are actually enjoying their binge. We certainly aren't yet it's a taboo area that the papers don't want to touch for fear of ruining the gambling industry.

We look at Gazza and think poor chap, we are just as bad or even worse, why do we not have any gambling addicts front page of the sun?

63 days free of gambling
44 days to go (450 to pay off before end Nov.)
504 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 141 days = 1108

So I have skipped forward a few days as im at a stag do in cardiff all weekend and know I won't be gambling. Just binge drinking :).

Thought of the weekend..music, it's probably the one constant while I'm gambling I didn't stop listening and it was always there to improve my mood, plus it's free. If viewing on YouTube or other free website. (I actually pay a fiver a month on Spotify - well worth it). So why this topic today, well it's interesting that our moods can be decided by the lyrics or instruments in a song, yet the music of gambling sometimes is turned up louder. Personally I am at the stage where sticking on some music now will start to drown out any incling of gambling and I just don't see the need to do it when I enjoy the good feelings music can bring.

Have a good weekend everyone, see you Monday morning.

64 days free of gambling
43 days to go (450 to pay off before end Nov.)
512 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 142 days = 1116

So a cracking couple of days in cardiff, bars, strip clubs, bubble football, just generally having a great stag do and getting the stag wasted and embarrassed in as many ways as possible, including playing football in a mankini. Unfortunately there are things you cannot unsee.

Anyway, not going to bore you with another topic, I'm tired and have a long day of studying tomorrow.

One good bit of news if you can say that is that my great auntie who passed away a couple of weeks ago has been kind enough to leave me a small % of her house. So when that is sold I will be able to start the new year off in a better place financially. There won't be enough to pay off all debts but it will help and I will obviously use it wisely.

I've come this far on my recovery and I do remember I once had circa £7k from an uncle 4/5 years ago that started my gambling career, once I lost that I started to chase and here I am today, so it will be a fitting to put an end to that stupidity once and for all. My great auntie and uncle would not expect their hard earned money to be wasted.

65 days free of gambling
42 days to go (450 to pay off before end Nov.)
520 pounds saved.
773 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 143 days = 1124

So very tired still after the weekend, struggling to get back to my studying. 2 nights of cramming and it will be all over. Cant wait hope I can do enough to pass.

Keep it going! I was in a very similar position. Betting on ridiculous in play markets and losing thousands a day. I'm now paying back my debt and reading your diary is helping me to do so!

Stew