For My Family.... chapter 2

Hi all....

Day 183 for me and exactly 5 months since I broke down and confessed all to my wife, probably the best day of my life and the day that my life started again.

Been thinking a lot this week about the way forward rather than dwelling on what it was that made me such an awful person. Yeah I know, a gambling addiciton doesn't make you a bad person, just need to convinve myself of that fact.

I think I maybe need to get back to GA to concentrate on this, I'm not thinking I'm gonna gamble soon but it's more than just the "not gambling" I need to work on. It's me as a person. Me as a husband, a dad, an employee, a friend, and it's maybe finally sinking in. I actually bumped into a guy from the GA meetings on Sunday and it was nice to chat to him. It's really weird because even though I hardly know the guy I feel like I know him better than people I've known for 10-15 years, just through listening to him at the meetings.

Low self esteem has always been an issue for me and the counselling was going so well as I was feeling better about myself, but I haven't had another appointment through from them for 4 weeks now, my counsellor was unavailable and they said they would be in touch however still waiting, 4 weeks later!

Anyway, all is ok with me. It's my wedding anniversary tomorrow also, not that we'll have time to celebrate as so much to do with the kids and my wife is still not very well. However 11 years with the most amazing woman, sure we can stretch to a glass of wine and a takeaway tomorrow night once the kids are bedded. Another worrying thing for me is that I haven't realised just how amazing she is until the last 5 months.

Hope everyone is well, PA x

193 days gamble free and for some reason I feel really really down. It's like I've hit a wall.

I thought this would just get easier and easier but it seems to be getting tougher. Like something massive is missing from my life. I guess it is, but I can't seem to replace it. Hate everything about myself just now, especially the way I look. Want to lose weight but just eat when I feel down. Don't feel part of the group when I'm with friends, always over analysing everything. My mind is on overdrive.

Hopefully these feelings pass as it wasn't what I was expecting. My last major relapse came in 2013 and it was 6 months after I'd stoppped, so I guess 193 days is around 6 months. Can't remember how I felt back then but if I had a guess it must've been the same as this. Not going to gamble this time though, even though I don't have the means. Need to get out of this!!!

Hiya! You're only a week off the magic 200 days 🙂 then roll on a year! I guess we just have peaks and troughs, good days and bad.....or maybe good weeks and bad weeks! I think it will be a lot easier for us when the debt mountain starts reducing, I know it will be for me....it's just tough at the minute when you want to do things and go places and buy stuff and book holidays but you have to be sensible.....sensible is boring!! Keep it going, the good weeks will come and just think back to that time when you were hiding it all and it was making you ill. Do you REALLY want to go back to that just for the sake of a quick fix? Absolutely not 🙂

200 days today.

Passed the 6 month mark which is where I relapsed last time. No more relapsing for me though!! Onwards and upwards.

Hope you're all well. PA x

Get right in there WOOP 200 days you are the man,

Good on you pal only way onwards and up wards,

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc

Great news PA - Life is getting better !!

Sbb

Thanks guys,

203 days not out now and feeling great!!

Just recovering from a bout of man flu as well. Wasn't sure if I was gonna pull through for a bit but Lemsip has saved me!!

Still waiting to hear from counselling about when I can get back. My counsellor has been "unavailable" for the last 6 weeks now. Not sure if she is off sick or what the issue is but you would think they would've been in touch to keep me updated. Was really enjoying the one to one sessions as well. They offered me the chance to speak to someone else but felt like I'd built a bit of a relationship with the counsellor I was already seeing so would be like going back to the start. Not sure what to do....

However as Sbb says above, life is getting better. If only I could stop eating now!!!

PA x

Ah the Arab returns,

203 days good on you what an achievment.

Well done all the best

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc

Hey everyone,

215 days gamble free now.

Would like to say its a breeze but it's not, it's tough.

Still feel the need to tell people but haven't told any family or friends yet. The only people that know are my wife, and the folk from GA. For some reason I want to tell the whole world what's happened.

Found myself looking at a tipsters page on Facebook at the weekend, one of the ones I used to follow. This guy has over 150,000 people who follow his page and it crossed my mind, I wonder how many are gambling addicts. Or how many will become gambling addicts. I was one of them, used to follow the tips religiously. If the tip won everyone would be writing "Boom" on his post. If it lost then the guy obviously had no idea what he was talking about. Quite scary when you think about how easy it is to get sucked in. Anyway I quickly made my way away from that page... not sure why I even looked.

3 months into my debt repayment plan and everything running smoothly, only 120 odd months to go. Best not thinking about it, I find that trying to imagine that I now get paid less than I did helps. Rather than dwelling on the money, it doesn't help and it won't change anything. Just let it go.

How is everyone doing?

PA

Morning PA, how are you? Congratulations on hitting 215 days GF. Your well on your way to hittings the 2/3 of a year mark. Glad to hear that you're staying positive aswell.

Not everyone needs to know what you've done, the most important thing is that you had the courage to tell the one person that matters and that was your wife. The only people to know about my issue are my wife, my best friend and my Aunty and Uncle...other than that I don't feel that anyone else needs to know. If they were to find out I wouldn't be bothered but why announce it for no reason. Concentrate on your recovery.

I'm pretty sure as the days go by so will the debt payments and you'll feel better with every one, knowing that you're getting closer to clearing it all. Keep positive...and concentrate on looking ahead, stay away from those tipster pages. That's where you get drawn in.

Has anyone else had issues trying to organise counselling??

If you are in the Dundee area don't hold your breath!!! How hard can it be? Been on the one to one chat and still haven't heard anything back.

Feeling very frustrated!!!!

P.s this robot thing doesn't help my mood either Gamcare!! Of course I'm not a robot, why would a robot be writing on Gamcare!?!?!

Hi all,

Haven't been on for over a month but thought I'd put a quick post on my diary. Still never heard anything back about further counselling in Dundee, kind of given up hope on that now.

However life is pretty good. The one word I would use to describe life nowadays, 9 months on, is simpler. Yes it becomes a bit boring at times but that's not a reason to be gambling. Feeling quite proud of myself as 9 months is the longest I've gone without a bet for almost 30 years.

Don't have nearly as much money due to the debts which is always very annoying. But the debts are coming down the way, very much like my credit rating. Only another 11 and a bit years to pay them off, then a nice £450 a month pay rise to look forward to when they are eventually gone.

How is everyone doing?

PA x

Morning..... Day 265.

Only 100 more days until I hit 1 year without a bet. 1 year closer to being debt free, long time to go but I will get there.

Have had a nightmare over the last month, oven broken down, washing machine playing up, boiler broke down!! Seem to be constantly shelling out money on repairs. The money I pay off per month in debts would've covered a new washing machine and oven and the repair on the boiler, however we just had to get the boiler fixed just now. Seem to be on a constant stream of "if only's".

However, only a couple of months ago all I could see was the debt. I now see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and no matter how far away it is I cannot wait until the day comes round.

Life is great without gambling!! x

Hello Proudarab,

It's great to hear that without gambling you are now able to cope when life throws unexpected expenses your way - OK you had to repair rather than replace but I guess a year ago it might not have been possible to do that?

Sorry to read that you are having problems getting counselling in Dundee. Have you tried phoning the RCA Trust? Their head office number is 0141 887 0880. Might feel better to call them yourself rather than waiting for them to call. If you still can't get through please drop us a line to info@gamcare.org.uk, with your name and postcode (so we can look up your client record) and we'll look into it.

Best wishes

Forum Admin.

Hi PA, know what you mean about the bills - there's always something isn't there? But then wasn't there also when we were gambling? Probably, we were just oblivious to it all!

I like your quote 'no matter how far away it is I cannot wait until the day comes round.' For me that is the key part. If I contunued to gamble that debt-free day wouldn't have come around. Know I know it will!

Congrats on 266 days gamble free buddy!