Hi PA, firstly well done so far. It's a very difficult path with all the uncertainty you are facing at the minute but keep plugging along as they say, face it head on. Just a question in terms of finances - are your finances still connected and/or will they still be after the DMP is in place? Do you own a house together? I can understand your wife trying to get the practical side sorted out first before dealing with the emotional side as it's unclear for her as well how it will all play out financially. Are you planning on paying the debt on your own or is she going to help with that?
All the best
Hey Sam, the only thing that links us financially is our mortgage.
All of the debt is in my name and the debt plan is in my name, however at the end of the day we are all paying it as her and the kids will miss out on things over the next few years such as holidays, new cars etc... We will get by no problem but it's the thought of what could have and should have been I guess. I don't blame her one bit for the way she is feeling but I snapped at her last night that she couldn't make me feel any worse than I was already feeling. Feeling really bad today about last night.
Hi PA - you are right in saying that it's hard to explain what's happened and mr JJ and I have similar conversations about the reasons for the gambling. his thoughts & motivations were very similar to yours particularly once the debts started to spiral. It's both hard for him to explain and harder for me to understand. I have asked that mr JJ sign all assets over to me and mr JJ has obliged. Similarly to you he has concerns over doing this but appreciates my need for security. Whilst right now I have no intention of asking him to leave - I need to secure my finances to ensure that they are beyond the reach of creditors, that I can manage alone if needed and that our kids will always have a roof over their heads! We have come very close to losing our home & I do not want to go there again. I don't know where the future will take us but I know that our children will always have the stability they need because of the difficult action I'm taking and for me that's my primary goal. It's still early days right now and to be honest it's a rollercoaster on both sides and the small issues are turning into big arguments. We had a huge row over baked beans (premium vs own brand) and barely spoke for days - it is the frustration but I guess that's part of discovering the new way of moving forward together and the compromises that we need to make. Best wishes to you and your family.
Sounds like you are doing all the right things Miss JJ. Our stories are very similar and I will be following your progress. But no matter how tight money is, you can't eat anything other than Heinz baked beans.
So Day 85 today and feeling so much mpre positive after my GA meeting last night. Was a bit nervous tbh as I had missed the last 2 weeks but after being there 5 minutes I knew I was glad to be back. Went in feeling quite down and negative about the way forward and came out a different person. Got a few things off my chest and lots of great advice. Mainly that there's no point wallowing in self pity, that isn't going to help me or my family. Absolutely right.
So I went home and gave my wife a big cuddle. We both want to work things out so I guess that's half the battle. It's how we work things out that will make the difference.
Hope everyone is well.
PA x
Day 88...
I try not to religiously follow the number of days, however only 12 days till I hit 100 and I am going to treat my wife to a Chinese takeaway on the Saturday night.
Had a really good weekend which involved lots of talking with my wife about gambling, money, the future.... I think we are making good progress. There will obviously be some tough times ahead but with no more secrets I think we'll be able to get through them.
The best I've felt on a Monday morning for a long time!! Have a good day people.
PA x
Proudarab wrote:
Day 88...
I try not to religiously follow the number of days, however only 12 days till I hit 100 and I am going to treat my wife to a Chinese takeaway on the Saturday night.
Had a really good weekend which involved lots of talking with my wife about gambling, money, the future.... I think we are making good progress. There will obviously be some tough times ahead but with no more secrets I think we'll be able to get through them.
The best I've felt on a Monday morning for a long time!! Have a good day people.
PA x
Delighted for you, looks like things are on the up !
Its a long way from where you were pre Xmas.
All the very best
Sbb
Hi SBB,
Very true mate. Hard to believe when I read back through my diary how things have changed in a couple of months. unlike the fortunes of both of our football teams.
For anyone reading my diary, the best advice I could give is that honesty is always the best policy. Don't keep it bottled up inside. My only wish is that I had realised this 3 or 4 years ago.
PA
Glad to hear things with the wife are getting better 🙂 I had faith all along and I have the utmost faith that you and I now realise the blocks that HAVE to be put in place to get through all this. I don't even miss having access to money, as long as I have enough for food and travel what else do I need? Managed to spend only £1.45 on lunch Monday and Tuesday....knocked down sandwich filler to £1.20 from Te sco and a big roll for 25p absolute bargain!! Last week I got a microwaveable sweet and sour chicken knocked down to 78p haha!! If there is a tes co (even a small one) near ur office try and take lunch at 11am like me and get all the bargains before the lunchtimers invade the shops 🙂
Not long until ur 100 days now happy days xxx
Day 91....
Not much happening tbh. Had an assessment appointment at counselling 10 days ago and still not heard anything back so wtill waiting to hear about that. Also still waiting to hear if all creditors are accepting my DAS proposal. 5 out of 7 have so far and the other 2 only have 5 days to reply now or it is deemed that they have approved. That will be a load off of my mind if that is approved. It will mean a tidy sum disappearing from my wages every month, however a lot better than paying one card off with another and only paying off the interest charges every month. Hopefully after a bit, we can forget about the money. It's still fairly difficult to do that though.
GA tonight so my mind is on that today.
PA x
Day 96...
Only 4 days to go to rack up my century.
Feeling a bit down today, Valentines Day and my wife told me not to buy her a card as she wasn't going to buy me one. She couldn't find one that was appropriate to the way she is feeling. That was a kick in the nuts to hear but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'd already bought a card for her too so that was £3 wasted.
Should I buy her some flowers and chocolates or would that just annoy her??
Proudarab wrote:
Day 96...
Hi mate - Write her a heartfelt letter, confirming your commitment to making things better for the love of your family.
That I think would be a better gesture than a generic card.
Sbb
Only 4 days to go to rack up my century.
Feeling a bit down today, Valentines Day and my wife told me not to buy her a card as she wasn't going to buy me one. She couldn't find one that was appropriate to the way she is feeling. That was a kick in the nuts to hear but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'd already bought a card for her too so that was £3 wasted.
Should I buy her some flowers and chocolates or would that just annoy her??
Hi proudarab
I know exactly how you are feeling today mate, I wish my wife was that talkative towards me for her to tell me she wasn't buying me a card today, not that I would of expected one. I cast my mind back 12 months and we were celebrating Valentine's Day in New York which was truly amazing, fast forward to today and I am living in rented accommodation on my own ! I know they might not get appreciated or even go straight in the bin but I've got a dozen red roses being delivered to my wife today with a verse in the card that I've wrote. I would personally buy her some flowers mate as just like me your in a sticky situation with your relationship due to gambling ! Best of luck and keep going to 100 days GF, I'm due to hit 50 days GF tomorrow !
All the Best
Darren
When I wake on Saturday morning the first thing I intend to do is welcome you to the 100 club.
Its been a journey and a rocky one for you, It may not quite yet be the tangerine dream but its forward momentum mate.
Keep going.
Sbb
Hi all,
100 days done!!
I remember 4 years ago getting to 100 days gamble free and thinking it was all so easy! So even though today is a day to be happy and maybe celebrate, I know too well how easy it is to become complacent and let it all slip away. Not this time though!! Strangely enough I received a letter this morning saying my DPP had been approved, so double reason to be happy. I now know how much I will be paying for the next 10 years!!! But it's a lot less than I was paying for the privelege of gambling. What's done is done, there's nothing I can do to change that but things are moving in the right direction and the future is now all up to me.
Hope you're all well and having a good weekend.
PA x
Congratulations on 100 days x
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