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Hi S

Progressing is fine nobody is perfect

I am pleased you are staying strong

Stay safe and take care

Suzanne xx

.....and rock bottom again.

At least bank balance is clear...

f*** this s**t

When you hit rock bottom, you say to yourself f*** this gambling!

You stand up and carry on.... the only way is up!

I should know ive had so many rock bottoms.... that the rock has become cushioned.

Thoughts are with you.... S.A

Sandra

in life there are folk who fight and stand up for what's right,you my friend are one of those folk.

You are also an addict,you have a compulsion to gamble,it will live within you for life,it will me too.

Together we stand in the fight to end it's destruction

The dirty bas##tard may have taken this battle,it will not win the war.

Take a look in the mirror,what look's back will tell you to move on,grow stronger and take the help on offer.

As our dear Shiny friend say's

Keep on keeping on.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi S

Sending you positive thoughts

I know you will carry on carrying on because you are a strong lady and you know where you want to be

Keep being strong and determined

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hey Sister,

Like I was telling S.A there. I don't know what to write to folks anymore that would make any sense or be helpful. Everyday it seems I know less than I knew the day before.

The funny thing is; I don't mind being less certain. My burden seems strangely lighter. Anyway... I am here and listening. The stars willing there is so much more life up ahead. Keep searching Sister...... -joanxxxxx

Thank you.

Dear diary,

Was gambling and hiding away for a couple of days. Enough said about that.

So, few things going on in my life recently. Am trying to let something go which is quite tough thing to do. Cmon Rach teach me all that letting go thing lol.

Work...hmmm..yep work is work. Have a invitation for another interview but thinking of the best decision to make.

Gonna try and abstain wiv full commitment again. I know I've got it in me i only need to believe more.

That said, back to counting days..so day 4 and ready to fight the fight.

Last thing for my ex - rot in hell b******.

Phew, that's better.

Thank you all for your support. I will be back posting and catch up wiv u all soon.

Have a good day all

S x

Lilly Wood & The P***k and Robin Schulz - Prayer …: http://youtu.be/2wuVCKzZYA4

Hi S

Really good to see you posting

My mum had a saying whatever will be will be

My dad had a saying you make your own bed you have to lie in it

Both my parents who I love and miss very much every day ( they have both passed on now )

Were both totally WRONG

We can live our life how we want to. Making mistakes in different areas in our life is part of living and learning

It does not have to be whatever will be or we have made our own bed

We have to be comfortable with ourselves, if we achieve that surely the road we are on will get brighter hopeful and lighter

Keep on keeping

Take care

Suzanne xx

Yo,

Good to see or to get the impression that you are not beating yourself up over this.

Addicts relapse end of . No one who has not walked in our shoes can understand the power of addiction

Where we would let ourselves down in my opinion is to give up or give in totally .

The fact that you are once again abstaining , once again becoming the stronger force and back fighting it is worth a great big high five .

All we can do is the best we can do , it seems to me that you are doing that . So stick with it Hun day at time !!

Big hugs and sending you positive vibes

Shiny xxxxxxx

'All for one and one for all' I think that's that's the saying.

Thank you so much for being there and helping me up again.

Stay safe lovely lady.

xxx

Thank you girls xx

Hi diary,

So waking up to day 5 and nerves are a lot calmer. Wot i did last wek is gonna haunt me till next payday and if my silly decisions leaves me to live on bread and water until then..let it be.

I was telling my dear friend soul on email the other day, that when i started mu recovery last year i thought oh yea, this is good. I am awakening, feeling better and am on top of the world. The reality (personally for me) is that i started my recovery and understood what it is all about is then i lapsed. It all crashed down and I've got mad with myself and everyone on here..lol..yep at everyone that i wasn't told or aware that slips can happen, that they hurt so much and that they can repeat itself..now i know. I know i am not strong to carry on forever..that's how i feel at the minute to be honest. I know that it can change completely and i need changes in my life to aid in my recovery. I will be taking day at a time and all i can promise for myself - i will NEVER give up giving up. Life can be better and it will be and I'm the only person to ensure of that.

For the better times ahead - i will not gamble today.

Sandra x

Hi Sandra sorry to hear about your recent lapse but you have still been on amazing positive journey this will just make you stronger I know it take care x

The bear x

Hey bear, thank you and really proud of you man 🙂

Dear diary,

Day 6. No self destructive thoughts to report. Had a good day yesterday and today may be not as exciting cause back to work but can't wait to earn my living with hard job. Plus i found it it keeps my mind occupied and 13hrs away from the dangers will do me fine :-).

Still thinking of taking counselling on. So wish i could see my previous counsellor and know she wanted to see me at least once a month, we knew there is so much to work on. The thing is i lost her contact then my phone drowned back in June. I know where her office is but just have no guts to go in to reception and ask for her. Well, at the end of the day i accept i need further help and as my friend said..."i prefer to see you paying money for someone who helps you than chucking it away on slots". Yes that's true.

Rambling on...have a good day all!!!

Stay safe

S x

Here and listening. Weird how complicated life can seem at times and so straightforward at other times. Just never know where the demons are lying in wait.

Stay safe and strong

xxx

Thank you DF, here fpr you unconditionally xx

Dear diary,

Start of day 7 or in my caae it will start in afternoon cause i will be heading for some sleeps soon...well, it's still a start i suppose lol.

I thought last night how i started counting days again. It just coming out automatically. I think i have so big fear of lapsing again...or maybe it is just a desperate way to change things this time and succeed. ..a plea to god to help me to understand and look for the right way forward.

I have to admit i did f*** up big time on my last binge. That much i only now started waking up. I don't believe what i lost..i think it's just one of the nightmares visiting me now and again..i should check my bank, i know there is nothing there. I just hope i teached myself a lesson here and will have to sort something out wiv bills. Food..well lol lol..i know i joke i have empty fridge, this time I'm not laughing. .I did it for myself and swear to god i don't wonna any of you to think...awww...poor Sandra..no, f**k it, i brought it on my head and im gonna pay for it. With my sweat and blood i will pay for it..my bank card is blocked at the minute and i will have to go through procedures again...this is embarrassing too...

You know what diary, i am glad i f****d up big time, at least it brought me back to last year..start of recovery. Desperation and wanting to fight wiv all i have, to fight for my life, to start again and give myself a chance.

It is there, i just need to keep moving on. .i need to accept myself, i am an addict but i can work things out to learn to live with myself in peace and harmony.

...work in progress.

Stay safe all

S x