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Hi there lovely lady.

Sometimes this life feels like walking through treacle and seems to take so much effort that I have little left to say on here. I do appreciate that you take the time and effort to write to me and I hope that we both together find the balance we are searching for.

xxx

Hey girl how goes it? Yeah noticed the u-tube stuff don't work no more and that really bites the big one. LOL yeah It was good to share a smile that way cause yeah, some days just needed it. I'm sure all those links must of took up a bit of space too along with sometimes being a bit on the nasty side. LOL but hey it was all in fun and yeah some folks faces tend to crack should them corners of them lips move up. LOL

Hope all is good with you. Been kinda hanging low lately here and at the casino's. Sh-it, guess not low enough with the later cause yeah got picked up on their radar lately. LOL yeah I banned a few years back but never stopped me really from going. Hell their not to quick to toss out their bread and butter and guess I just got comfortable with going. So comfortable that I didn't hesitate to start using my bank debit card there in the atm, which should set off bells and whistles in the security booth. LOL yeah they knew I was there and still looked the other way. LOL only when I was bold enough to ask for a gift certificate from their fun club did they ask for a ID, and yeah I gave it. LOL Lol Lol yeah they then showed me the door and was told to call DeDe to get the ban dropped. Hell that be to much trouble calling DeDe and didn't change my ways either with going. Well not until a few weeks ago when i used the bank card there again and they responded to it a few hours later. LOL yeah got that number for DeDe again and the door. Guess I'm a little leery now of passing them doors cause being caught a 3rd time might not go so well. LOL so yeah staying clear of the place. Guess being banned just added to the high of gambling and being naughty at the same time. LOL but sure don't wanna be naughty enough to be slapped with that $1,000-$2,000 trespassing fine. LOL Lol Lol yeah that high ain't worth all that and would surely make me cry. So Yup them devil horns been replaced with good girl wings I guess. LOL

Beautiful day here and need to get in the shower and start this day. May take another cup of Joe though before that all happens. Lawn needs that first mowing of the year and got me a rack and a half of baby back ribs I've been dreaming of all week long to toss on the grill. f**g is stocked with a variety of cold ones and yeah should be a good day. Hope yours is too.

Awe sh-it girl, thought I was tapping ya back on your thread and did it on my own. LOL so yeah wander by and take gander. Hope that day of yours at work goes real quick for ya.

Thanx girls 😉

Soul, u really hav a talent to crack this face into a smile lol.yep..no more nasty you tube stuff lol..but hey, now we can swear freely lol..thank you gamcare I will try to control myself on that one :-). Stay away from trouble girl...and from those radars lol lol

Dear diary,

No gambling - no problem. Moving on. Picked myself up from recent fit lol..god this roller coaster is really sickening some days. Biggest thank you to all the palls I keep in touch with, the power of understanding is unreal...sometimes saves me from more than just gambling thoughts...this site is amazing, everyone stick around, it does work miracles when you least expect them.

Anyway, time to crack on.Nothing changes if nothing changes...and I finally got that into my thick skull lol.

Day at a time as always

Stay safe all and keep fighting the good fight!!

S x

Morning Sandra

Pleased those few bad days have gone and are on the up , it is a roller coaster of a ride and it never ceases to amaze me how it can quickly change , the dark days you think will never end but they do

Fighting through them is always the way but as we both know not always that easy , so well done for getting through them

Castle2

Yeah sleepless in Wisconsin too. LOL up since like 4 am and mainly because of the shoulder. Seems when darkness falls and your use to living the life of a bat them eyes are wide open like it or not. LOL Yup kinda hard to do normal sleep on days off whatever that may be. My 3rd shift buddy and and I asked to stay on our regular shift through the summer instead of moving to days and just got laughed at. LOL yeah we hate the transition of jumping around with hours but looks like we'll be doing it again. Working on that 2nd cup of Joe for the day and hope to get some sort of nap in before I go into work tonight.

Should give my boy a call later today too. Hell he managed to get his a-ss tossed back to day one about a week ago. He's doing time at mendota mental health and not sure if he's progressively getting worse or he's some how ditching his meds. Notice a few months back he was getting more irritable and didn't wanna talk much. He was real defiant a few days before it all happened and yeah could kinda see it coming. Sucks after a year and a half of sitting there he's none for the better. He's been asking for new tennis shoes and the unit he's in now they don't get any personal things and wear their stuff. So yeah told him when he makes it to the next unit I'll get them for him. Sh-it like $160 for them shoes but gives him an incentive to do better I guess.

Yup things just naturally seem to go horse sh-it over here and kinda getting use to it I guess. LOL numbing out just seems to gets easier some how.

Garbage day and should haul that bin to the street. Daylight now, so don't think I can get away with tossing that bag of trash in my neighbors bin that's already at the road without being seen. LOL

Hope ya get some decent sleep in.

Awe sh-it again girl and guess i stayed away to long to know I gotta go to your page to reply. LOL Lol Lol Yup answered ya back on my thread again. Dam do got a few beers in me but gonna blame this one on sleeplessness. Ok? LOL

Well hell 7 hours of sleep is good. Think i only get all that on the weekends. LOL yeah and also did the 16 hour thing already. Sh-it sometimes your body just says enough and I'm shutting down. LOL Lol Lol got in like a whole 4 hours yesterday and it felt like it all night loooong.

So factory ya work, playing with food. Did a bit of that myself. T.N.T crust making pizza crust and gold bond ice cream making mainly the ice cream bar type products. Gotta say didn't last long at either. LOL guess for me can't stand standing in one place to long and just not cut out for that kinda work. Other folks I know love that kinda work and wouldn't have it any other way. LOL guess where I'm at I'm always on the move and more than I wanna be moving most days. LOL

Yeah that boy knows he ain't getting them shoes till he hits the other unit. He stopped taking his meds cause he felt like he was over mediated and not a thought he had was his own. Guess they need to work on a better blend of the things and hopefully some where down the line they find the right combination.

Boy I'm just beat today. Having a cold one and popped a few ibeprohen. That shoulder of mine is just killing me lately. Hell if my arm ends ends up over my head while I'm sleeping It's one painful mission to get it back down. LOL boy can't tell ya the amount of swearing involved in that one. That's what woke me up yesterday and yeah by the time I getter back down sleep aint an option. LOL Lol Lol

Well hope your day is a good one and lots of sleep to follow.

Oh so ya do more of the supervising type thing. That's gotta be way better than working them lines. Repetitive and boring packing boxes unless ya look away for a few moments and it all ends up on the floor. LOL Lol Lol

Did a little experimenting with that shoulder today. Yup guess the only way to not wake up feeling like there's a crowbar trying to separate that arm from my shoulder joint is to mobilize it. LOL so yeah took one of those stretchy ace bandage rolls and wrapped that arm loosely to my body so it can't make that upwards stretch. Gotta say helped a lot and got a few more hours sleep than normal. LOL wish I would of thought of it years ago. LOL

Wednesday and 3 more nights to get through. Rained today so yeah so gonna look like a pig wrestling tournament went down in the area I clean. LOL Yeah got the gym area to pretty up and got the track season going on. Sh-it I know the earth is shrinking cause i pick up loads of it nightly and dispose of it. LOL Lol Lol hell don't know what's worse, track or football season, cause yeah both makes for a mud slide for me. Oh well keeps me busy and the night flies by.

Boy pretty hungry right now. What ya serving up for chow over there?

Morning Sandra

See your on a night shift nearly done though one down one to go by my reckoning don't know how you keep track lol , again as you finish I'm starting ! Like passing ships in the night lol

Hope you get some more well deserved kip , catch up with you soon

Castle2

Well hey that job of yours sounds pretty sweet. Getting to hear all that company dirt that's going down sounds way to fun. Hell sure beats shoveling the earth's dirt into garbage bags each night. LOL Lol Lol sounds like some delicious surroundings too. Hell I'd be shoveling that food into my chops like It's movie time listening to all that stuff. LOL Lol Lol some fine entertainment to be sure going on there.

Night went pretty good and them couple extra hours of sleep I'm sure helped that cause. LOL was the mud hole I expected but all cleans up in the end. Did forget about a puddle from a roof leak in the small gym. Yeah they replace the roof over it about 2 years ago and leaks worse than ever. LOL Lol Lol yeah kid ya not. Hell seen my mop and bucket in there while passing by and thought sh-it I didn't leave it in there. LOL one of the coaches mopped up that pond and I apologized for forgetting about it. Planned on taking the walk behind over it when i did the locker rooms and just forgot about it as the night went on. Yeah no big deal he said cause the room pretty much always has that pond there and needs mopping more than a few times through out the day. LOL Lol Lol

Stopped at Walmart for a few things on the way home. Had a couple extra $20's when I left the place and yeah the casino right across the street. LOL sh-it the place ain't to busy at 7:30 in the morning and figured that radar wouldn't have any problem picking me out of a crowd of few so yeah, dropped them thoughts quick. LOL Lol Lol yeah stopped at the gas station instead and stocked up with a case of beer for the weekend and yeah I'm set with the cold ones. I'm sure them beers will leave a much better taste in my mouth than that casino would of. LOL Lol Lol for sure

Well hope ya get some fine sleep in there girl. Oh yeah think ya said something about 4 hours. Sh-it hope there's a fountain of Joe at your desk girl. LOL Lol Lol

Well hell girl that curry stuff sounds interesting. LOL love spicy things but yeah never thought of washing them down with a hot drink.

Got some fairly good sleep in yesterday, like 7 hours worth. Hell seems sometimes when ya get more ya feel worse. Cause yeah Had a bad case of drag a-ss. Lol got in like 4 hours today and could get in a few more later if all goes right but not counting on it of course. LOL guess the guy I work with got a bit of a b**t chewing last night. Seems to be slacking in light bulb changing and yeah had like 31 of the things out in one of his rooms. LOL Yeah they wanted them done pronto I guess and he thought a few a night would be a better way of going about it. LOL Yup he was changing all the ones in that room last night plus a couple extra rooms to boot. LOL Lol Lol yeah he wanted move up in time a few hours tonight so he could attend a baseball game tomorrow afternoon. Yeah that thought was shot down and guess he's gonna be on the tired side for that game. He wasn't to happy about it but he did get all them lights changed. LOL Lol Lol he's a nice kid and we get along together well so yeah felt bad for him.

So It's the weekend for you. Boy still got one more night to get through before i feel that pleasure. Hope your catching up on that sleep cause yeah weekends seem to be the only time that happens for me . LOL yeah wasted a many snoring them away but hell It's worth it. LOL Lol Lol

Hope your enjoying your time off.

:-)))))) soul, god you know how to plant a smile on this face lol. Reposted on your tread. Speak later girl

Dear diary,

Well, I thought I will update mine since lovely soldiers coming back with amazing updates. Soo, day 355 (including one 2min moment of madness! ) and I'm fighting this good fight. No gambling thoughts, actually my mind is so occupied with other things, I don't allow even one sneaky glimpse to this destroying habit.

Life is...hmmm...getting calmer lol. I seem to have the right mindset for a good while now. A lot of changes on a way, which are very scary but I know they all are for the better. Selfishly for my own balance and peace with myself. I shall update what's going on after it all happens lol, so for now I feel I can carry on fighting this demon as well as attempting to turn my life around.

No more stress over paying the bills, no more overdraft (in fact my credit card is cleared!! Which is little celebration for this soul) calmer sleep (regarding gambling, cause we don't sleep win or lose we are eager to place another bet as soon as those eyes are open). So yea, a lot of benefits here and I like it.

I keep making the right choice and have to say, if not this site and so many of you on here, I wouldn't be typing this update with positivity and belief intact. I thank you all, because you have helped me to paint this picture of the situation I'm in now....never stopping bettering my life and never giving up this fight!!

Take care all

Day at a time

S x

Hey Sandra

Just wanted to say a huge well done on your continued hard work in remaining abstinent - the year gamble free mark is fast approaching!!

Remaining gamble free definitely helps us to become more calmer and at peace with ourselves. This is worth all the money in the world I think. To think back to those days/evenings of stomach churning, heart wrenching moments, acts as a massive reminder of gambling can contribute greatly to this.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend. You deserve it.

Feb.

P.s: do you know how Julie is? Not heart from her in a while and have tried to find her diary on here but can't spot it.

Hi Sandra,

I'm proud of you for doing so well, and on the good days it is clear that you are too! It is great that you have paid off the overdraft and the credit card, and now you can start spending all of the money that gambling stole from you on the most important person of all - You!

You've beaten some tough patches on this road so far, but the important thing is that you haven't given up and you're still going. Keep it up.

Ryan