Going to keep this thread now!

Hiya Freda,

Big hug pet xox Hey chin up girl, you've had a bit of a shock, and a natural reaction to the event. Your only human and a lovely one too 🙂 Be easy on yourself.

Perhaps your going through the 'what ifs' which can cause more stress...? but like you said through no fault of your own.

...big yourself up Freda, your conscientous, caring and would do anything to prevent someone coming to any harm. So therefore the best person for the job!

Love Del xo

Stick with it Freda. The intensity of the feelings will pass. Give that rabbit of yours a cuddle.

Well done on your gambling free time. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Thanks Del and SA, I need support at the minute, I really do.

I rang my manager yesterday and said I couldn't go in at lunchtime because it had just hit me and I couldn't pull myself together.

He told me to take a couple of days off, and ring him when I was ready to go back. I think it has happened to people before.

I think the strain of the last few months is getting to me. I used to deal with near misses all the time and just laugh them off. I have lost a lot of my confidence. For once, I'm not blaming myself, but I am frustrated that this has happened. I could do with a break please universe!

Hi Freda.

Well done on a sustained period of not gambling. You will get your self-esteem and confidence back in good time if you continue on the right path.

Keep strong.

Aw thanks Curly,

you reminded me of a huge positive - today is day 121 and I did not gamble!

Have been suffering really bad anxiety. I'm not going to work next week. I have reached that point where you have to let go, and just recover.

Nothing is worth feeling this poorly and miserable. Hubby backs me all the way. I'm recovering from a nervous breakdown, and I don't intend to have another. I have had 2 panic attacks just today, enough is enough.

today was day 123 and I did not gamble.

Hi hun. Sorry to here about the panics, know where you are coming from. Hubby and I should have a pint together. Sounds like a top geezer.

Well at terrific expense I paid out to record this for you. Hope you like it,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An1-ntyBcz8

Hi Freda.. yes health comes first. I made a similar decision after i had my operation. My boss wanted me back a couple of days after... and i was going to go back but then i thought.. why should I?? The hospital had said to me that I needed to heal before going back to work so I decided to hand in the sick note that the hospital had given me. It was the best decsion I made cos I now still have some annual leave days which i really really need in my line of work.

Anyway ive prattled on a bit. I hope you feel better in yourself soon. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Wow Graham! can't believe you made a pop video overnight just to cheer me up 🙂 lol

and thanks SA, I am taking a week off at least, then see how I feel. Didn't want to have to have anxiety on my sickness record because some people do discriminate, when hiring staff - they just give another excuse for passing you over. However, it is happening and I can't just get on with it so I will have to take time out.

Thanks for the support guys.

Hi Freda

I havet posted on your diary but i read it i just wanted to add my support and hope your feeling better soon.Sometimes you have to put your health first sometimes trying to carry on will just make it worse and your out of action for even longer.

Good luck hope all goes well.x

Thanks Elizabeth 🙂

Feeling better every day. I think I just need to give myself more time. I have called work this morning and let them know that I am still suffering anxiety, and will be off until at least Thursday. I told them I would call on Wednesday, after seeing my doctor. So there are a few days pressure free. I am going to talk it over in a safe place this morning, make sure I get all my feelings and fears out and deal with them, then get on with the serious business of relaxing, resting and healing.

I'm optimistic I can get through this.

Hiya Freda

You will get through this..:-) No doubt xox

Thank you for your advice about dealing with stuff. Sound and practical, I like that.

I think the anger in me as brought me someway to dealing with my stuff..in that.. I'm refusing to let 'the cr**' play havoc with my life...anymore. But what you have said is a good approach. And healthier.

I think you are younger than me..and I'm pleased for you, because you have become alot wiser sooner to how your family operates than I have...so your future is looking good Freda.

I'm glad your feeling better today...and well done for the gambling free time.

Love Del xoxo

Thanks Del,

going to see the doctor this morning. Not sure what to do about returning to work. Definitely think it should be a Thursday or a Friday, just so I don't have a whole week stretching ahead of me.

Dunno, see if she has any suggestions.

I passed the 18 week mark, so today is day 127.

day 128

Got a sick note from the doctor for a week, so am a free agent until Thursday week now. I'm feeling much better, but said to the doc 'isn't it better to have 2 weeks off sick in one go, than take a couple of days, go back for a couple days, then have to go off on the sick again?'

There is a very socialist vibe to our city council amongst the workers, they always encourage you to look after yourself, everyone knows their rights, is encouraged to join the union etc. It is actually really nice. Yeah, there have been cuts, and numerous redundancies - but that has been out of the hands of the managers, that is all Herr Cameron's work.

Still feel like I need to have a good scream sometimes - I must have bottled up a lot without realising it. If you watch a small child crying, before they have learned to bottle emotion up - it is always really empassioned and gutteral when they are wailing. I feel like that is what I need to do. However, I live in a flat! lol. Not easy to wail as loud as you wanna.

I'm going to a women's group this morning, then might go for a swim. We walked to the beach yesterday and had some chips. Lush! Need to get back to basics and heal.

Hi Freda!

Really glad to see your still going strong....even though you do have your bad days.Your not alone there.

You know what....get that scream out...any park near you...if so go there and scream untill you stop.I bet you'll feel great for it!

Take care.

All my best.

Viggo.