Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks Viggo,

I am quite inhibited in terms of 'making a scene' so I find it very hard to do that kind of thing. However, I did have a bit of a shout into the sea the other day, as the ocean absorbs some of the sound. It was quite good! It takes 30 minutes to get there though, so if I am sitting in the house and the urge wells up in me, I find it has often passed by the time I get there.

I had a really great day yesterday. Swam 1200m, changed the bedding, cleaned the kitchen, did loads of ironing (which I hate). I also texted a couple of friends, to fight that depressive urge I have to withdraw.

Today I feel ok, but still have that wanting to scream feeling. I am going for some Reiki healing tomorrow, and that always helps.

Day 129 and I must not gamble. Saw a TV advert which triggered some gambling feelings, but it relates to something happening today, so tomorrow the feelings will have passed.

Hiya Freda,

Another way to get up that pent up feeling is a good belly laugh I find. So I stick on comedy DVDS. Less inhibiting when you are in fits of laughter and you can make as much noise as you like too 🙂

Sounds like your doing all the right things..hugs!

Love Del x

Hi freda

Thankyou for the support.x

My mum does Reiki healing and she practises on me i find it very relaxing i think you may find it really helps you to cope with the anxcitey and panic youve been feeling,let me know how you get on.

Delgirl is spot on nothing like a good laugh to change your mood.

Goodluck and stay strong.x

I was really manic yesterday. Dead excitable and silly and impatient. Doesn't feel very nice when you can't control your behaviour.

Today is day 131 and I am coming up to the longest I have achieved without a bet since I entered recovery. Its 19 weeks on Tuesday, and I think I managed about 5 months the first time I quit. It's not that I am not taking this seriously, but I still cannot imagine succeeding long term. Not sure what this is down to..

131 days... yeee haaa!

I understand what you say.. just keep things in the here and now... your doing mighty fine. Is your rabbit jumping for joy today? Happy days.. S.A 🙂

Must be down to you enjoying life being gamble-free.

Just remember that going back to gambling WILL stop that quality of life. Do you really want that to happen?

Thought not!

Keep it up!

GT

Ha SA my rabbit is always jumping for joy 🙂 he is mad as a tree!

I'm feeling dread about going back to work on Thursday, queasy in the pit of the stomach. I will write down my feelings and counter them in a bit. I always find this CBT exercise helpful. Once you get your negative thoughts and fears on paper, it is easy to see how they are exaggerated and twisted.

I swam 50 lengths yesterday, which helped me stay calm. I am determined to think about it as little as possible though, as you can get yourself wound up into a frenzy.

Thankyou for the advice.

Without taking up 3 pages of your diary explaining the ins and outs of my situation.

I get maximum benefits on the hrs i work council tax is one thing im not behind on abit behind on rent but nothing major.

My credit score is so bad i cant get any sort of credit as for asking family i think im maxed out on that as well.

Its the childcare that kills me if i dont work i still have to pay LO childcare when i had my week off i still had to pay for the week he wasnt there.Apparantly this is how it works.

Anyway rambling abit thanks for the advice i will work out what to do eventually.

Hope all is well with you good luck with going back to work hope it dosent stress you to much.x

~Hiya Freda,

It's soooo good to hear that you are heading to your longest period of abstinence since you started recovery. Do you think you might be worried deep down that this is the round the time where you broke your abstinence?..and could be scared the same thing will happen? Just a thought.

I'd try not to look too far ahead, and just take the one day at a time thing. Not just in terms of not gambling, but just living in the day, getting through it. For me it takes the pressure off...particualarly when I start getting overwhelmed and anxious.

Proud of you girl 🙂

Love Del xo

Hi Freda, thanks for your post, hope that you are OK thursday, you still have a couple of days to get your head around work, sometimes the reality is easier than the thinking about it. Wishing you all the best

that is a good point Juliette,

99 times out of a hundred it is not as bad as we forecast.

well feel like s**t, had a lot of anxiety tonight - BUT two good things, 19 weeks today and I swam a mile!!!

Have been really anxious all night. Really nervous about work tomorrow.

I rang the woman who lives downstairs a few days ago asking if she could trim my hair for me, and she took 4 days to reply saying yes I can. So she agreed to this afternoon, then when it got to half 7 I texted asking if she had forgot, and she said she had just got in. No apology for keeping me waiting in all afternoon. It has really P*ssed me off. She is really weird and rude, and acts as if she has no idea that she has done anything wrong.

could have done without being messed about today, cos I've got all wound up now.

I am going through a really stressful time, and it really helped me to have a good rant on chat.

I'm going to try and relax down for the night now.

Hi Freda

Just wanted to say hope everything went well back at work and hope the stress levels are starting to fall abit.

Stay Strong.x

Thanks Elizabeth 🙂

Well....still haven't gone back to work. Only got about an hours sleep on Wednesday night, despite being quite relaxed when I went to bed. I was exhausted, and due to the lack of sleep my anxiety levels were through the roof. I know it is important to face your fears, but I believe that if you push too hard you can just freak yourself out. I was in no fit state, mentally. I ended up with a vomiting bug later that day as well - lucky me!

So another sick note for a week, takes me to going back on Thursday. I'm feeling much better about it. I know it is nerve wracking at first (stepping in front of cars that are often not prepared to stop) but it is amazing how quick you get used to that. It is getting to a point anxiety-wise, where I can do the nerve wracking bit, without having a full blown panic attack. That's where I need to be. I'm almost there I reckon.

If it doesn't work out, I reckon in interview situations people will understand that I was anxious because I kept nearly getting mown down by idiotic drivers, which is fair enough! I shall just explain that I no longer want to dice with death everyday, lol.

Once Tuesday draws to a close, it will be 20 full weeks without a bet - then the next big milestone, 26 weeks, is not far away. Half a year! can't believe I'm closing in on that.