Going to keep this thread now!

I am still battling on with work!

Anxiety levels are still very high, and still taking valium, but it has only been 3 days. I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself because it has really taken it out of me emotionally, but I am making progress and have to keep taking it an hour at a time. I am improving in confidence, but am not reaping the benefits just yet as the anxiety is still very uncomfortable.

No gambling.

As long as your confidence is on the up, that can only be a very good thing!

Keep at it!

GT

Great improvement on yesterday! very little anxiety at work. I am still taking a small dose of Valium, but can see this not being needed much longer.

I had some anxiety tonight. Just went to a support drop in type place I often frequent. I was basically too tired, and got quite anxious being around people and chatting so I only stayed an hour. I am still glad I went, it stops me from isolating myself. I won't feel this exhausted after work forever, it is a short term thing, while I get my anxiety levels down.

Today it is 21 weeks since my last bet of any kind.

Great stuff on your 21 weeks Freda! 🙂

Some times I think i'd benefit from a drop in type place. When am stressed or anxious and i go home to an empty flat its not a good thing. Anyway i hope your anxiety levels continue to go down. Take care.. S.A 🙂

21 weeks is brilliant, keep it up!

GT

Thanks 🙂

It is getting a little better everyday, and I am so glad and relieved that my nerves are calming down. One more day at work, then the weekend - yaaay!

There are many really sweet elements to my job, and now I am not constantly in a state of near terror, I can appreciate them. A little boy was very excited this morning, to show me the starfish he caught while out fishing with his Dad, I get at least one high five per day, a little chinese boy who used to use my old crossing walks past my new one so he can wave at me, I smile at people when they drive past and it makes them smile too.

Also this morning while walking down my street, I saw a squirrel running in the wood we have in our grounds. It is beautiful where we live. A Victorian terrace with a private wood within the grounds. We are very blessed 🙂

Hi Freda... thanks for your support greatly appreciated as always. Your home environment sounds idillic. Its good to smile isn't it. I like it (especially when ive had a s**t day) when someone smiles my way or simply acknoledges my presence. Some things I always do include; thank the bus driver when i get off, be cheerful with till operators, acknowledge car drivers when they allow me to cross when they don't really have to, say hello to fellow joggers or walkers.. the list goes on. Its the little things isn't it that can make a difference.

Glad your nerves are calming down. I am calm at this moment in time. I intend to enjoy the weekend. Take care.. S.A 🙂

There really are plenty of things in life that are free like that squirrel scene.

And as long as we don't gamble, we can all appreciate these a lot more.

GT

Hiya Freda 🙂

I'm so pleased to hear your feeling calmer, and still gamble free. Hey girl, I hope your proud of yourself, your doing so brilliantly.

Hugs Del xox

Thanks Del,

I am feeling calmer....but that is because I have been letting stuff out more.

I am really isolated and I find it hard, because I am depressed. I don't know how to make friends, because I am very anxious and it makes me nervous trying to make friends with people. I am also scared to get close to anyone, because I find it really hard to hear other people's problems. I am so depressed that I find it hard to stay motivated and cheerful, then when people talk about something grim - I just feel like I can't breathe. It is too much.

My supposedly best friend, has problems at the moment. She has had problems for years, there is always something. I have supported her faithfully for years, to my own cost. Now that I need support, she says she understands why I can't be of support to her at the minute, but I hear nothing from her. Even texts don't get replied to. And do you know what? I feel really angry. I do. I feel like I deserve a bit of attention and support. What about my feelings? What about me?

I am crying as I write this, but it is good because I am letting stuff out.

Hopefully I will feel stronger in a couple of weeks, once work is back on an even keel. Then I can start getting on with my life, and at least getting out more.

I am going to go to a spiritualist church tonight, because it is just around the corner and it will be nice to just be around people. I am not a spiritualist, but it doesn't matter does it? It will be a small step, to isolating myself less.

Today is day 152 and I will not gamble.

I didn't make it to the church last night. Got distracted with chrismassy activities. I probably did it on purpose to some extent, so I didn't have to do something scary.

Work went well today, very little anxiety.

Hi Freda. I think the whole thing about isolation leading to depression or depression leading to isolation revolves around how we feel about ourselves. For me, when am feeling in a good place within myself, I find my own solitude can be quite an enriching experience. When am not in a good place isolation can be a wholly negative experience where the wanting to comfort myself in some way (gambling, drinking, food etc) becomes ever more intense.

This evening I am on my own as I am most evenings and I feel perfectly content and at peace with myself. Last week when I was feeling angry and depressed about stuff I was feeling really quite needy and alone.

Its like those one sided friendships you mention where you basically become a listening ear to the other persons problems (which is also what I do as a job) Ive had friendships like that and I end up thinking… but what about me??

Friendships are like a balancing act...they have to have a degree of genuine empathy from both parties and being considerate of each others feelings etc. If one does all the talking and very little listening.. its not really a friendship is it? I’d rather be alone than listen to someone bleat on about themselves all the time.

Anyway I got no idea where this is going… am glad work went well for you today.. here's to another positive day tomorrow.. take care.. S.A 🙂

Thanks Sa,

Well, yesterday went well. Today has been a toughie. The supervisor popped out and I was already feeling a bit wibbly. I had to try very hard to conceal my anxiety. He is coming out tomorrow, for the final 'support session'. It was supposed to be Monday, and I was eager to get it out of the way, but for some reason it got rescheduled.

I am fine when I am on my own, but with the supervisor watching me for over an hour it is difficult to manage my anxiety. I just hope I am having a 'good' day tomorrow, so I can relax and know I will be left alone.

My levels of tension and mental stress are very high. I feel so afraid all the time.

I know this will pass, it is just torture going through it.

Just remember that this will pass.

We all have our stressy days and you seem to be having a few more of those than most.

Stay strong and stay very positive. By still not gambling, you're doing brilliantly!

GT

Like Gt says.. your doing brilliantly.. so how was your day today?.. S.A 🙂