Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda

I can understand your frustrations with your family. I, too, used to control, or try to, everything in the family to make it appear "normal". In the last few years I have managed to take a step back and let them get on with it. I actually have no control over others and what's more I could care less what they do. I carry a ruck sack on my shoulders with my problems in. If anyone wants to put their stuff in their I disregard it if it doesn't affect me or my direct family. It is tough though as it becomes a way of life and my mother was the orchestrator without consciously knowing it. I do hope things settle down and you move forward with getting settled. Hope the work is going well. Take good care of yourself and thanks for dropping in on my diary.

Hello my beautiful, wonderful friend Freda.

You keep on ranting when you need to. Glad to see your still working on you.

You can only change you and no-one else. Others have to change theirselves, so why waste energy.

Thank you so much for your support on my diary. I have updated it now. You see, with all your demons you still take time and think of me. I'm humbled.

Regardless of all that you write, I wish you a wonderful Christmas. Put your feet up and chill or go for a walk and listen to the birds Spend it however you wish, just keep it gamble free.

Lots of Love and hugs

God Bless

Sabine xxx

Hi Freda, thanks for your post on my diary and all the support you have given me.

Just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and a very happy new year. I hope you are not fattening that bunny up for the pot, lol!

Genuinely hope you are ok, have not kept up with any diaries, sorry bout that!

Anyway, you take care of yourself...high five to you!!

ands xxx

Thank you Smiler, Sabine and ands 🙂

Today has been a good day. I finished work for the Xmas hols, which means I should get almost full pay for December.

It's been an awful, gut wrenching month. Trying to get settled into my job, whilst dealing with the massive backlog of stress, anger and fear I have experienced this year. I have had panic attacks that have almost knocked me off my feet, so distressing to experience.

Still, I count my blessings every single day. My wonderful husband, my brilliant compassionate managers, people who have reached out to me simply out of the goodness of their hearts, a safe place to go and talk and cry, high fives and beautiful pictures from my little stars I see safely to school every morning, being able to give a loving home to an abandoned animal, a peaceful home where I feel safe and happy - the list goes on.

In my 23rd week of not gambling, I look at what I do have - not what I don't have. I am very blessed.

Hi Freda,

Sounds like youve been through a rough time but come through it, so thats a big positive.

Just wanted to wish you and hubby a happy christmas and a good new year.

take care

love W xxx

Thanks W 🙂

Had another bloody panic attack yesterday. It doesn't help that my local supermarket is in a shopping centre in the city centre. I phoned a taxi and the cheeky B*****r moaned that I wanted taking to my house rather than opposite my street even though I explained I was having a panic attack! I won't be using that company again.

I was disappointed because I wanted to go to a carol concert. I am realistic that these panic attacks are going to take a while to settle down, but it is hard to do anything outside my flat. I hate this aspect of Christmas - there are rowdy drunks everywhere, and the shops are packed.

Never mind. One day at a time, as with all things.

Happy christmas Freda

Thank you kid!

Well, I have been a lot better lately. I managed to go to the carol concert the following day and really enjoyed it. I have been catching up with a couple of friends, and going to my support drop in place and feel less isolated.

It will be 25 weeks gamble free come Tuesday 27th.

My anxiety has reduced, and I was able to go to the monastery yesterday for my teachings and meditation.

So all in all, things are improving and I am feeling happier. Although I still struggle sometimes with anxiety, I am feeling less overwhelmed by it and as though I can imagine it improving with time.

I am so happy that I am not gambling this Christmas 🙂

Hi Feda

Glad to see your feeling more calm.

With no gambling in your life youve taken away a huge stress factor and 25 weeks you go girl.

A big thankyou for all your support and kind words it has ment alot to me.

Enjoy your christmas with your lovely OH and i will be going into the new year gamble free i can assure you of that.

Stay Strong hun Merry christmas.x

Merry Christmas Freda 🙂

Love Del xo

Thanks lasses : )

Well, 25 weeks gamble free here. Feels good. I have had a week off work, and have been able to rest and relax. What a difference this has made!

Feeling positive in general.

brilliant freda,keep it going 🙂

al answer your question on my diary at a later date 😉

in the meantime one week away from 6 months.

High fivessss 🙂

25 weeks, WOW!

Brilliant going, Freda, keep it up!

GT

Well done hun 25 weeks keep it going girl.

Take care

Stay Strongxx

Thanks Elizabeth : )

I am feeling good with the will power, although I have had gambling thoughts recently. This is fairly normal with me - it is along the deluded lines of "I deserve a reward". What rubbish!

I have to be honest, that even after almost 6 months, I cannot say that I am 100% resolute in my heart against gambling again. I still don't think I have 100% accepted that I cannot gamble at all. I have 100% accepted that I am a compulsive gambler, but still sometimes fool myself that 1 little slip wouldn't hurt etc.

I don't want to come across as having made plans to gamble, because I haven't. I am just being frank and honest.

Here is a thought provoking example for you - my last session cost me about £75. So, it has taken half a year to get that impact down to the equivalent of £3 per week on my finances. Sounds like small change right? well that would have kept a young homeless person off the streets for 6 WHOLE MONTHS! with the charity Centrepoint. Moneys value really depends what you are using it for...

Sponsoring a Centrepoint room is something I have wanted to do for some time now, but always tell myself I 'can't afford it'. Once work is stable again maybe in about 6 weeks or so, I am going to do just that. £12 a month is nothing when you are not gambling. The money wasted while I was in action could have put up at least half a dozen people. Shame on me.