Going to keep this thread now!

A better day today 🙂

Anxiety has improved, and am seeing my doctor a week today. i am running low on some medication, and she will only prescribe these after seeing me face to face. I have been a bit worried about running out, just as I am getting back on my feet. Hopefully she will prescribe one more set, then they are there if I'm having a bad day.

Payday is a week on Friday and I still have £200 in the bank with no bills to pay before then - that almost never happens! It has really eased a lot of pressure having an income again.

Hi f... that £200 in the bank and the secure feelings that come with it is the result of Freda not gambling for more than 6 months... so well done to you!

I would have been in much the same position had I have not gambled. I intend to have some savings this year and it will happen naturally as long as I don't gamble.

I hope that you get your meds. Am still thinking about trying anti-depressants but as i start to feel a little stronger in myself those thoughts recede.

Thanks for your support f.. means alot... S.A 🙂

no worries SA,

Have to count this week as a good week for sure. Rather than gambling, I would have to count stress and anxiety as the issue that has been most difficult for me over the last couple of months. However, I have not had too many problems this week.

I had a panic attack on Monday, but this was because I was asked to go and work a shift at my old place. I'm actually really impressed I got through it, and bounced back pretty quick. This makes me feel safer, less vulnerable. If I can bounce back, I don't mind having bad days.

I have only taken 2 valiums this week, including the one I took on the panic attack day, and these were the lowest possible dose too.

I have been into town, including the supermarket at the back of a busy shopping centre, three nights this week after work. This is also really positive.

I went to my support group drop in for an hour last night too.

Gambling is not something that is difficult to resist at the moment, but then that is because I have put effort in and barriers up.

People often say "but I should be able to do it with will power alone" rubbish! I would never have given up smoking successfully with a pack of cigarettes in the kitchen, and nor should I expect myself to safely navigate the internet without blocking software.

Hiya Freda,

Great that you are able to bounce back so quick, I've noticed that about myself too and it is a great feeling 🙂 We're getting stronger girl!

Big hug xoxo

Love Del

Hi freda..just popping in and have only read a couple of your last posts .Am planning to read your diary in full now i'm out of the woods..

I noticed your posts on panic attacks..Im an ex sufferer and in my 20's suffered agoraphobia for around a year and was practically housebound.I too was on diazepam and also beta blockers and ironically it all got me into the work i do now.May not apply to your situation but although there were a lot of triggers going on then ,today i am convinced that the other half of the story was hypoglycaemia and I was a carbohydrate J****E craving sugar,bread etc .

I was a vegetarian for 25 years but have recently gone back to eating red meat to stableise blood sugars and low mood plus I was severely B12 deficient and anaemic.

I know this is nothing to do with gambling (directly) but I know a lot about panic attacks..ran a support group once called "people like us" ..My attacks used to manifest as feeling like I couldn't breathe,and feeling I was "not here", IBS and shaking and a need to get home fast. ...Just posted this to offer support and also as i know what those attacks are like Freda but there is a light there and you wont always feel that way .I have been panic free for many years now and it was largely because of getting rid of things that were not serving me anymore and keeping me trapped.I let lot of family members go but over the last 15 years they are back but on different healthier terms now xxxx keep posting xxx

Aw thanks dotty,

I have had several breakdowns in my 20's but am learning how to look after myself properly.

The anxiety always flares up after extended periods of stress, so it is at least not coming from nowhere, which is much scarier!

I have a very supportive manager who has more or less said you have been a good reliable employee, and we know the job does not cause your anxiety, so we are happy to support you through this and you will not lose your job over it. What more can you ask for?

I am feeling low today. Just hormones, and the clearing of this stress backlog. Gambling will not make any of these feelings better. It's ok to feel this way, and these feelings will pass.

Hi Freda

A very valid point you make there. It is OK to feel down at times, it is part of life. We have to live our lives on life's terms. Some days are better than others is how I put it. You sound like you are enjoying life so that's good. Thanks for popping by on my diary. Take care

Hi Freda,

Glad to see things are calming down for you and life isnt so stressed.Ive been down this week because of hormones pain in the a**e arnt they lol.

You sound like you have a great boss there and knowing your job is safe makes things abit easier to deal with when things do go abit pearshaped.

Keep up the good work.

Take care

Stay Strong

Ex

thanks for posting back Freda...you sound like you have a good boss who is fair and understanding and I am reminded that I have a good boss too...she is human...

Managing stress is the one isn't it and hormones to boot aswell...who would want to be a woman...Hormonally I always say im "between worlds"...I don't have any of the classic symptoms as i did in my 20's but anything i'm surprising its like the veil comes down and like i've had a shot of truth serum...(reminds me of that film Liar Liar..with Jim Carey where he cant tell a lie for one day )...lol

Cutting out milk sorted a lot of my symptoms but its gradually creeped back in ..also my panic attacks stopped with reflexology which surprised the practitioner mores than me ..ah well...rambling here...take care Freda x

Thanks girls - who'd be a woman eh? : /

I'm alright really. Feeling much better. Me and hubby went out for a Groupon meal last night. We got it as a Christmas present. With a starter and drinks we only had to pay the difference, which was £11! it was a bit of a grubby place, not sure I had a lot of confidence in what was going on in the kitchen, but the wine was delicious ; ) I coped well with it as well, I am very thankful for my anxiety levels coming back down.

Off for a sweat atop my stepper, then time to hit the showers!

Hey Freda:)

I'm glad that your feeling better and your anxiety levels have come down certainly makes life easier, keep looking after you and what you need......stepper sounds good start those endorphine thingys will definately help the mood;)

Thank you for all your support in my diary means alot

Enjoy your day

Jinx x

Thanks J : )

Just quickly checking in to say today is 28 weeks since my last bet of any kind. I am shattered, been doing housework and generally dashing about - time to relax!

sounds like your doing great Freda ....relaxing is good...am feeling much better lately and relaxation is top priority ...take care

Hiya Freda,

Does my heart good to hear your doing well...big hugs 🙂

Love Del xo

Hi Freda

Just thought your diary belongs at the top of the pile right now. So here's bumping you up. Glad you are in a good space. Keep an eye on them demons. You know where they are, I'm sure. Take care