Going to keep this thread now!

Feeling really angry and hurt. I know it isn't my fault my so called friend hasn't been in touch, but I just saw she had been messaging people on facebook and I felt so angry.

I hate how she has treated me. I could do without it, I really could. I hate being so emotional as well, my pulse is racing and I feel tearful now.

Hi Freda,

Sorry 2 read that u r feeling upset and hurt. Sometimes ppl that we trust and r close 2 let us down Freda. Don't u 4get u r a very special person and I think ppl would be lucky 2 have u as a friend. So it's her loss!

Stay strong Freda xxxxxxxx

Hi freda,

Just popping in 2 say that I hope u r not 2 upset or frustrated after chat. U help so many people and I think u r an inspiration!

Never 4get that 🙂

Stay strong xx

Really P*ssed off at the lack of support I received in chat tonight, after very politely asking someone to not describe their gambling episodes, and pointing out that I know they didn't mean any harm. When the person didn't respond, it was perfectly f*****g understandable that I wanted to make sure that they hadn't missed my request by accident, so that I wasn't triggered by the person going into more gambling descriptions.

I felt like people thought I was being a pedant. I personally couldn't give a toss if other people do not take their recovery seriously, but I do. Can't believe the moderator wasn't more supportive too. Other people in that chat room have been there before when a person has come into chat to talk about their gambling in a descriptive way, and ignored polite requests for it to stop. That is usually when the mod steps in and says you know "it's a reasonable request, please respect it. It can make people have an urge to go and gamble".

Really fuming.

Thank you Charlotte for sticking up for me. It is not my fault the other person gets angry at a polite and valid request. Grrrrr!!!!

Thanks "friends".

Well I was just coming in to say I hope you are feeling ok but I guess not.

You asked that I don't mention wins or how much I was 'up' which I didn't after you wrote that message so I am not sure why you continued to goad me about it.

I hope you feel better,

Lost_Found.

Thanks Lost_Found.

As mentioned in my last post, although you didn't mention wins again after that point - which I thank you for - you didn't answer me, so I had no way of knowing that you had agreed to my request.

I am sorry if you think that asking you for an answer is goading you. Is there another way I could have known your intentions without getting a response from you? I was trying to keep myself safe, and if your intention was to refuse my request, I needed to know so I could protect myself by leaving. I am not sure why asking you to answer me, seemed to make you angry. Gav21 mentioned that it was having an adverse effect on him too.

I always put "up" in inverted commas, because a compulsive gambler cannot stop, and will lose their winnings shortly afterward. It is not to be sarcastic about the person.

You said you felt I was being aggressive, and if you can tell me why asking you to answer my reasonable request was aggressive, I will happily apologise : )

I do not feel I was being aggressive, and even stated "I know you do not mean any harm" and "I do not mean to be aggressive or argumentative". The moderator echoed that I had indeed made my request carefully.

I have nothing else to say on the subject.

Off to the beach! : )

I am sorry I didn't answer you, I felt I had answered you at the time because someone else had said something about chasing losses and I can't remember what I wrote but I thought I was answering both of you at the same time. On reflection, I should have been more direct.

I feel awful that I have upset you so much but I hope we can continue to support each other and this won't cause a rift between us.

Hi Freda

Just popping in to see your ok but as i see someone has upset you hope your feeling better about that.wasnt there so wont comment.

Hope you enjoyed yourself at the beach and that wonderful hubby of yours is treating you like a queen:0)

Big hugs (((((((((((f))))))))))))))

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi Freda--hope you are feeling more relaxed about things after your trip to the beach yesterday.

I have never used chat so do not know anything about how it works but I know that giving up gambling or changing your ways is different for most people and certain people will always be able to help whilst others may seem that they are not helping as there way of dealing with things may or may not be right for them but is definitely not right for somebody else.

I know sometimes when I feel down I tend to take things to heart to much and on more than one occassion have then gone on to make situations worse. I think the person that has upset you should be applauded for the way they have come onto your diary to state their case and apologise and it time to move ever forward again. You are getting so close to that fantastic landmark in your own recovery that nothing should detract you from it.

Have a great day.

All the best

Stumper xx

Thanks LF, E, and Stumper

Yes, it is now in the past.

50 weeks today since my last episode of gambling. I am making some important changes in the way I behave, and it has been difficult, but necessary.

I am not usually one to dig my heels in about disagreements, in fact I usually overapologise! I am learning to stick up for myself assertively now. Somehow, at some point I decided everyone elses feelings were my responsibility and got so absorbed in people pleasing, that I lost myself and my self respect.

It is an exciting change, but a difficult one. I think that any change in character can seem quite pronounced, if it is a swing from being too much the other way. I have had a nice day today, and hope it will continue : )

We never made it to the beach, we decided to walk around the hood instead, for some reason! It was very er... gritty, lol.

Haha, walking around da hood bro! Take it to de Westside dude.

Learning to say " no " has got to be one of the most difficult tasks going . Fixing up the party for your " one year ". Need I say well done ? Oh OK, amazingly well done . x

Hiya Freda,

Just popping in to say hiya...Your doing fantastic girl 🙂 Big Hugs.

Love Del x

Ah love ya's xx

Just updating, but not been on the forum for days. In the nicest possible way, I can't be ar**d at the minute! My friends in recovery are in my thoughts everyday though.

Feel like s**t at the moment, but because I have been standing up for myself yet again. I am proud of myself. It is a very stressful thing for me to do, but will get easier.

I realised for the first time today, how much anger has built up and been repressed in me, by not speaking up when people were taking the P**s. I have felt unable to stand up to the many bullies who have passed through my life over the past few years, and it has cost me dearly emotionally.

Today, when I went somewhere for some support, I was shocked to find myself so overwhelmed by the anger I was venting that I very nearly vomited. It is just ridiculous that I have put myself in this position simply to be "affable" or "likeable". I was hyperventilating and shaking, and needed bringing down with Valium. I really didn't realise just how much I had been bottling up, it was really quite frightening.

I believe this is a turning point in my life. I am very excited about the future. It is going to be very painful gradually letting out that repressed anger, bit by bit, in manageable chunks, but it has been holding me back.

I did just intend to write a quick line, and I have tumbled into a bit of a diatribe!

I feel such gratitude, and humility for the support that has led me out of the woods. I am truly blessed. I deserve to be happy, and I will be, however long it takes.

Don't anyone be a victim to your circumstances. Persistence is the key. There will be so many knocks along the way, but that is no reason to give up. Do not quit on yourself, believe in yourself, trust yourself. It cannot fail to come good someday, if you keep moving forward in this way.

Last bet 03/07/11.

Hi Freda

It is tough at times and I couldn't begin to imagine how you felt today. Glad you are out the situation now and able to write about it. As long as you know where that horrible gambling demon is resting in your life you'll be safe. You keep going Freda you deserve some peace and tranquility in your life and I feel you are getting there with it! Take care

Hiya Freda,

I love the way you say you are excited about the future...the anger..yes I relate to that, and I have felt for myself that its a good thing....

....it dawned on me that I'm not swallowing it up no more and getting depressed and anxious, instead it's a motivator.

When I had a turning point this song was playing on the radio..believe me I never thought the sugarbabes could lyrically have an effect on me lol..but..this is one of my recovery songs..thought I'd give to you. Because after reading your post it reminded me of that time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRZdJFR_vBI

Big hugs love Del xo