Going to keep this thread now!

I found myself languishing at the bottom of page 3! oh how the mighty have fallen.....lol

Glad to report, that the depression seems to have lifted, slept all night last night for the first time in over a week, and the anxiety seems to be coming down a notch too. Can't say it was helped by a certain hormonal related event being 12 days late.

Anyway, have my second counselling session this morning through occupational health. Hoping to get quite a bit off my chest : )

Less than a month to go, to my 1 year mark. My first 1 year milestone since I entered recovery!

Hi Freda, thank u 4 ur kind words on my diary. It means alot 🙂

I am glad u r feeling better 🙂

U r doing amazing Freda..... U give me hope!

U r inspirational 🙂

Stay strong and keep going xx

Hiya Freda...

Page 3 eh...no way!.....good to see you back to your rightful place on page 1..

Loved reading your post there....your always interesting Freda and I relate to a lot you say...

Also chuckling as for different reasons someone asked me if I was pregnant today and I never even touched my stomach....I said "no..I just have a pot belly..like Marylin!"...lol

My theory is if i can't see my feet when stood up then I might start dieting ..

Also am a believer in reincarnation Freda but rather than an old soul I definately think i'm a newbie hence the "i get knocked down but i get up again " approach to life..I have bags of experience but very little wisdom that seems to come with older souls.

Once had my karmic chart done many years ago which was quite revealing and threw up some stuff that I "knew" but would have never been able to articulate or form the words to say.

I still re read that chart with older eyes and it makes more sense as time goes on.

As Charlotte says..you are doing amazing and I love your list of positives ...

I know I've said it before but am also chuffed to bit you have a supportive hubby because as you peel the layers off your life onion.... its nice to have someone whose shoulder you can cry on...

I have amazing friends...which is the one thing (aside of Dotty) that I got right.

Take care hun...

I will make sure that if I see you lurking on page 3 I shall bring you back up ...and ask you to put your clothes back on! lol

hugs

Rach and Dotty xxx

Hi Freda!

Some great posts there by you!

Just want to congratulate you on coming so far.One month away is just brilliant.You have had you fair share of troubles but you seem so determined now.Congrats again and i'll make sure to pop in here on your milestone!

Viggo.

Hi Freda,

Just wanted 2 say I hope u r ok and having a gr8 wknd 🙂

Stay strong xxxx

Hi Freda

The year mark is important although I don't count days etc. As for counselling let it all go. We all store so much garbage in our minds and it rattles around with us as long as we carry it. Dump it big style in any way shape or form. even if you cannot make the sentences make sense get it out there. A huge weight is lifted once things start coming together. Empty that rucksack now!!

Take care

Ah thanks Charlotte xx

Went to an online "steps" meeting on GA website last night...

It was focussing on Step 7 - asking for help with your character defaults. I have to say, I think these meetings seem to be used by some, as an excuse to talk endlessly about themselves! The sharing part of the meeting was dominated by a couple of people, who seemed powerless to resist typing down every thought they had, even when others are trying to speak. It doesn't happen so much on this site. There are a couple of people who only want to talk about themselves, never ask anyone else how they are, and logout when the conversation moves on to someone else. However, one of my character defects is speaking my mind too freely, so it is a great opportunity to practise patience, self restraint and acceptance ; )

I will give the GA website another go, but I found all the jargon and buzzwords quite alienating. If an approach works, why does it need all these gimmicky catchphrases? I found a lot of people were just spouting cliches and getting congratulated for it. I know the moderator in the main room was not forthcoming when I asked if I was welcome even though I don't attend meetings. I explained that I do take my recovery seriously, and am coming up to a year betfree. I think they seemed a bit put out that I had managed that without the magical GA! lol

Anyway, it does work for a lot of people. Still working out if it is for me or not.

I am still struggling with anxiety. I am making changes though, that are difficult, but necessary. I was supposed to go to a party for someones birthday last night, but didn't really feel up to it. I was very anxious, and felt it would be very difficult to manage my anxiety if I went. All these things were running round my head, like I don't like letting people down, they will be hurt, they might think I can't be bothered to make the effort. I was proud of myself that I was able to put these things to one side, and make my health an equal priority. I do need to learn to have some self worth and self respect. If doing something kind for someone else, makes you feel distressed it is ok to not do it! Can't believe I was thinking of forcing myself into a distressing situation, just to please someone else. So I am paying attention to my needs, which is hard, but a good thing to push on with.

Spooky we posted on your site at same time!

Hi Freda.. interesting thoughts about your online Ga experience. For me its not to far off my own experince with the face to face group meetings.. which i now don't go to. I often found myself feeling very frustrated about how some people monopolised the group in a very selfish way and o yes the endless cliches... "meetings make it" being one of them. When i used to go weekly I found myself listening to the same poeple saying the same things and i just got rather frustrated with it all. Though like you say it is a test of ones own character and learning self-restraint and resilience etc Am not a fan of groups really.

Glad to see that you remain strong and focussed on the not gambling front. take care.. S.A 🙂

U have got a good 1 there Freda, going shoe shopping with u 🙂

I hope u'v had a gr8 day 🙂

Stay strong xxxx

Hey Lovely Lady,

Thankyou for the post.As i said on smilers post just trying to be positive in the face of negatives,trying a new tact and i will carry on kicking a s s for a while yet,one thing i dont do is lay down and give up although the urge to is great sometimes lol.

Maybe the poor people on the GA website have no one else and its their only chance to get out what they feel but at the same time self importance in that way is not good,well done for being restrained not sure i would have been.

Glad your putting yourself first for once you need to be well rather than pleasing people.

Stay Strong

E xx

Hiya Luvvy,

Just popping in to give you a big hug...you are doing fabulous 🙂

Love Del xo

Ah thanks lasses (and Smiler and SA)

Feeling a bit better these last few days. Went to see a cheesy rubbish film with hubby today, then lazing around before another workout on the ole stepper.

My sicknote runs out a week tomorrow....thinking I will probably just go back to work. I only have 4 weeks left, then 6 weeks off, so seems do-able. However, I will continue to just do what is best for me, and what will be will be.

Hi f.. glad to hear that your in a pretty good place in yourself at the moment.. take care... S.A 🙂

Had a total meltdown yesterday after getting really angry about someone's anti social behaviour.

This girl, asked me for at least the 8th time if I wanted to go to an exercise class with her. The first time I politely made an excuse, the second time I said no...by the 6th time I said "no. I have already said no to you many times already. Please don't ask me again, it is making me feel very uncomfortable" and yet she still asked me again yesterday!!!! what is wrong with some people???!!!! has she got no self respect?

I felt that she thought that because it is embarrassing and awkward to say no to someone, if she kept asking long enough, I would eventually lose my bottle and agree. This really P*sse d me off. what a freak, behaving like that! why on earth would you want to bully someone into spending time with you, when they clearly don't want to!

Anyway, I had had enough by this point. There was no way I had any sympathy for her feelings, after she had forced me to reject her countless times. I went and spoke to a member of staff at the place I was at, who already know what an anti social bully she is, and they sat her down in front of me and told her that it was not acceptable and that if she did it again it would not be tolerated and she would be asked to leave.

I was just f*****G furious that she had driven me to that. I have enough problems to deal with, without some weirdo harassing me.

Anyway, rant over. Nothing is going to make me gamble.