Going to keep this thread now!

"Persistence is the key"

Never has a more truer statement been said.

These recovery journeys of ours will have their tough moments. I had one on Friday and am so pleased that this is gone and I ended up making all of the right choices.

Keep going and stay strong.

NT

Thanks Smiler, right back at you mate : )

Ah thanks Delly : ) I love that song, even though the sugababes are usually cack! lol

Thanks NT, persistence is the word, indeed!

I just checked back through my diary to make sure I have the date right for my 1 year betfree, and it turns out, my last bet was 05/07/11 not the 3rd. It was a Tuesday though, so Tues 3rd July will mark exactly 52 weeks. Maybe it has been a leap year or something....can't remember.

Anyways, as I am totally a**l about these sorts of things, I will celebrate 1 year on Wednesday 4th which is 365 days. Bless my poor pedantic mind ; )

Have bounced back very quickly from my meltdown on Saturday. Went for a swim yesterday and was fine. Swam 50 lengths 1200metres! Today, I have been to the next city and had a skin peel ( god bless you, Groupon! ) which I find really sorts out my adult acne, and walked around the shops for a bit. All with very minimal anxiety.

Back to work on Thursday, bright and early at 8am, but will deal with that at 7am on Thursday, and not before : )

Hi freda

Thanks for today....i think i am going to have to go for some sort of grief counselling as this flare ups just consume me to the point of paralysis.

Thinking about you going back to work and also about your near one year bet free....

It is true we do bounce baack from these meltdowns but they seem to just come from the smallest of triggers.

Sending big hugs

Rachel and Dotty xxx

We are always here for you Rach, whatever you choose xx

Well been having surreal cheese dreams about going back to work for the past 2 nights. Still got a decent sleep, and to a point it is inevitable that it is going to prey on my mind. Im pleased with the way I have got on with things, not let it dominate and become bigger than it really is. I think the thing that makes me most nervous, is the questions about "where have you been? what has been wrong with you?" from random nosey wellwishers.

Now I am not ashamed of having anxiety problems. However, sadly some people will enjoy gossiping about it, judging me, fantasising that I am on the edge of a meltdown any second, or interpret normal behaviour like a bad mood differently. I have often been told by people who have had the chance to get to know me a bit first, that anxiety and depression is the last thing they would think I suffered from. Anyway, I have decided because of all this, that it is nobodys business. I have decided if anyone asks, to say "oh its a long, boring story. Don't worry though, Im fit as a fiddle now". Only really rude people will continue to press after this, so I am more comfortable being assertive at this point and saying " I'd prefer not to discuss it."

It helps to have a plan, because of my deep rooted eager to please-ness. If I don't have a plan, I am more likely to tell people, because I can't think of anything else quick enough.

Anyways, going to try and keep busy today. Cleaning is on the agenda!

Only 1 more week until my celebration!

Good luck on your return to work Freda. I like your attitude with regards to fending off the nosey parkers.

Keep smiling and remember that in a week you will have a massive smile on your face as you reach the one year mark--and you will be laughing inside as your workmates will be wondering why youare so pleased with yourself--little do they know.

All the best

Ex-Stumper x

Hi f,

Thanks for the post hun,sort of know how you feel spent years always saying yes but took all the courage i had to say no and do what i wanted,which ment leaving the ex,even on my downest(not sure thats a word) days i stll know it was the right decision to make.Even though it went against what i always do an say.if that makes sense.

Stay Strong

E xx

Can't wait to get my first day back, over and done with.

I hardly slept last night, and historically this tends to exacerbate my anxiety even more! However, I tottered out there like a frightened deer, and have now done 2 out of the 3 shifts for today. The supervisor was sent out to see me for half an hour, and lots of people asking me where I had been, so lots of anxiety provoking stuff there.

I have managed to soldier on without panicking, and am really bloody proud of myself! I dealt with the nosey parkers very well I thought. Hopefully, most people will drop it now, as it is not something you can pry about over and over again.

I have booked myself a reflexology appointment for Saturday afternoon, and am going to try and have a nice relaxing weekend just hubby and me.

One more hour to go! roll on 4.10pm!

Hi Freda, thank u 4 ur kind words on my diary and ur continued support. It means alot 🙂

Just popping in2 say I hope ur first day back at work went well and I hope u r ok.

U r a very strong and determined person Freda. U give me hope 🙂

Stay strong and keep going xxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Charlotte : )

Well, the first couple of days went really well! I was really proud of myself for dealing with a lot of nosey questions about why I'd been off sick. My first strategy worked with everyone - no one pushed it after I said it was a long boring story. It was very scary for me, and I am sooo proud of the courage I showed particularly on Thursday morning when I was shaking and feeling so vulnerable and scared.

So, I woke up yesterday feeling positive, and looking forward to a weekend relaxing and recovering....Until the post landed on the mat.

My manager, had decided to write to me 2 days after returning to work from sickness due to anxiety, to ask me to attend a meeting to discuss the "impending end of my current contract". The letter was also headed "Stage 1 - Invitation to meeting" It did not explain what this was stage 1 of, or how many stages there were to this mystery procedure that had apparently begun. I have had these questions unanswered all weekend, as she kindly wrote to me at the weekend the f*****g b*tch, and I have been really upset and angry. I am also really worried.

What a thing to do to someone as soon as they go back to work. It has ruined my weekend, and have been chewed to bits. I am not going to work tomorrow, as this has got me ill again with anxiety.

I am so P*ssed off, that it has taken me from a positive and proud state of mind to sick to my stomach with anxiety.

I can take knocks, I am a tough b*gger, but not literally more than once a week!

My husband is ringing on my behalf tomorrow morning, because I do not know if I could control my anger. They claim they want to be supportive and help me recover, but do the f*****g opposite!

Really fed up and weary of dealing with so much stress.

Hi Freda.. sorry to hear about what has been happened with your employer. From what you say it does sound like they are showing you the door. I'd imagine you may have got a bit more clarity today. Like you say, your a tough cookie and you will cope with whatever turns out to be the case.

Your year just around the corner... brilliant! take care and manage your stress as best you can.. S.A

Congratulations on a year bet free Freda.

build on it lassie its just as easy to fall in our 2nd year as it is in our 1st.

Don't let work grind you down

You can and are doing it.

we can do this !!

Best wishes.

W.P 🙂

You got it SA.

Thanks winningpost.

Going in at 10am to go through the motions of the formalities. Apparently I am not having my contract renewed, which is completely different from being fired... I am not being renewed not because of my anxiety illness, but because of my attendance levels - which again is totally different isn't it.

If hr feel a bit better hiding behind these condescending phrases so be it.

Really really sick.

Hi Freda,

Just popping in 2 say sorry 2 hear about ur job, hopefully u will find something u enjoy doing soon 🙂

And congratulations on a year gamble free, that is a gr8 achievement 🙂

U should be soooooo proud of urself, u r inspirational 🙂

U give me hope!

Stay strongxxxx

Thank you Char xx

365 days ago today, I had my last bet.

Happy birthday to the new me!

I have been hurt by unfair things happening a lot lately, things totally out of my control, basically just things that suck. Why on earth would I want to hurt myself any more by gambling?

Happy 1st birthday!! ... an excellent acheivment.. something to be proud of.. keep going.

May i have a slice of your birthday cake?? I is hungry.. S.A 🙂