Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks SA, Charlotte and Rach : )

I totally agree, that my friend wishes me no malice, and wants good things for me. This is not enough though, without actually making some effort when I need support.

She is not an enemy now, I still wish her well, and if she wants to be the friend I deserve that would be brilliant. She is now more of an acquaintance than a friend, and if I remember this, I won't waste my love and concern on her unless I get something back. It doesn't mean I am a demanding friend, it just means I can't love and care for the whole world with all of my heart. If you are indifferent toward me when I am in need, then you are just a member of the general public really. I wish the general public well, but I don't have time or energy enough to give emotional support to everyone individually.

I guess the difference is, I know I deserve better now and I am standing firm in that conviction. If she wants to pull her finger out her backside and be a friend, I will welcome that with open arms.

Onward and upward!

Hi Freda,

Massive pat on the back and hug for standing up for yourself, some 'friends' are put on this earth just to drain our energy when their battery levels are low. They replensih their own levels and yet when we most need them they are afraid of helping in anyway as it might mean they lose some of their own energy in return.

This made sense when i was thinking about it but I think it has lost a bit of its coherence since being transfered to the keyboard.

I guess I am trying to say it is a one way street for some people and as you say you deserve better!

Paulds

hey freda

You totally get what im going on about.

Its in this comparative situtions that my confidence goes because i look at other folk who things like this dont seem to bother and i feel a failure because as hard as I try...it bothers me.

Ive tried being Mother Theresa and shoved a coathanger in my mouth and talking through gritted teeth but I cant keep it up..i feel like i will burst.

For the same reasons as you I dont have this inner solidity that means this just rolls off and tbh I dont think I will ever become totally immune to certain triggers.

I just have to distance myself from folk who potentially can bring that self doubt out in me.

It seems no matter how much I give or do or compromise its seems with some people that doesnt mean anytihing because they just want me to not rock the boat and put up with bad behaviour.

Other people make excuses like "well..you know what she/he is like"

I call it the Hitler attitude as basically no one challenged him and look what happened!

Anyhooo...its good to know im not alone and yes..it may bring periods of alone-ness and maybe being out of the club if i dont play the game ...but likewise freda...I would rather be alone .

a friend of mines husband always calls me 'high maintainence"....im actually not in the way that expression is used today...

I can rough it with the best of them and have but I have standards of how I want to be treated....

Ill play fair until it happens too many times but then the gloves come off.

Glad you are feeling better about your pal freda and good for you in putting a boundary in and giving yourself some breathing space..

was reminded of my mums old saying today...

"take me for a fool once,shame on you....take me for a fool twice ....shame on me"

Esteem and confiidence rising my friend and thank you too for making so much sense as sometimes I ask the question that will be etched on my tombstone:

"Is it just me? or what?"......lol

R and D xx

Oh Rach,

I should probably get that phrase tattooed on my forehead! lol

I'm just posting an update to say how happy I have been over the past few weeks. My anxiety levels continue to come down, and my confidence is growing slowly. It is so nice to be making progress! I don't mind if I have bad days, as long as I am moving in the right direction.

I am making progress with my meditation skills as these tend to become quite neglected at bad times. I am determined to keep practising regularly, so they stay strong and are more use to me if another bad time comes along.

Was my hubbies birthday yesterday, and it was so nice to have been able to get him lots of presents and such like, without it being a real battle against my anxiety. Gradually I am returning to being able to do normal things. It is wonderful!

Hiya Freda...

Loving so much to hear you are going from strength to strength....and you deserve it lovely...

Like you say..you can have the odd set back but it doesnt send you right back to square one with anxiety.

As an ex panic attack sufferer and ex agoraphobic I totally understand the guts it takes to overcome what you have done and keep strong..

Funny you should say about meditation as I was doing mine in the wee small hours to try and get me to breathe properly..

(im a collar bone breather under stress and have to meditate to retrain to be a diaphram breather from my tummy.)

Glad you had a good day for your hubbys birthday Freda....I know when we suffer from anxiety doing things like that feels fantastic..like we are our old selves again..

big hugs and so pleased you are in such a good place in your recovery...

Hugs

R and D xxx

Hi Freda,

Thank u 4 ur continued support on my diary. It means alot 🙂

It is really good 2 read that u r feeling better. U r such a strong person Freda 🙂

Thank u 4 believing in me and also wanted 2 say a huge thank u 2 u 4 continuing 2 support me thru the good and the bad 🙂

U give me soooo much hope, u r an inspiration 🙂

Take care and have a gr8 day xxxxxxxx

Cheers lasses,

Had a really bad day yesterday. Depression came out of nowhere, and I was really distressed. Probably only get that bad 2 or 3 times a year, if that. Feeling a bit better today.

My brother called yesterday, which I think provided a trigger. He and his wife are expecting a baby. It's good news really. I just don't like having contact with either of my brothers. They are the living definition of passive aggressive, and then shout at me when I am affected by their behaviour. They are very strange people. The brother who is soon to be a father, is the one who added my husband as a friend on facebook.....but not me. But to speak to him, he would tell you, you are mad for thinking he has a problem with me. That I am just "mad".

My hubby says I go into like a post-traumatic stress type hole whenever I speak to them or see them. He can't think of anything else, that gets me as distressed. Not even losing my job, or things like that.

It has been almost 2 years since I have seen or spoken to him. We will do the visiting the baby thing, when it arrives, then hopefully they won't bother getting back into contact.

Still really tearful today, I just can't cope with my family.

detach detach detach my friend...

I see this as an allergy..you have come into contact with the offending substance and have had a reaction.

You are not mad Freda and if you can look at today as building your immunity up...especially if come the baby you may have to have more but albeit diluted contact with your family.

Its all the headfooooking crapola ..but trust you are not alone...there are others out here who are on to them too ..

Great book..."dealing with Toxic people"

shows how to deal with different covert styles.

Basically avoid when you can but thats not always possible..but refuse to engage and keep a healthy distance.

My pals also used to say that about me with my family...in fact one time my pal actualy cut the phone line because i was throwing myself in for more pain with my lot..

If it comes to it hun and you have to have contact then set a timer on it...seriously ..

Perhaps do neutral places and not in each others homes so you dont feel invaded and more importantly you can control how long you stay or dont stay and leave a door open so you can get out when you want.

Like a real allergy hun..I always find diluting the offensive substance down and make sure your always in mixed not on a one to one is usually better.

I cut my lot off for ten years once radio silence...,now its cordial and it appears we are all pals on the surface but there is a definte invisible wall in..to protect me.

Your not alone Freda with those feelings...I also know them too..

R and D xx

Ps,...once went into counselling as a family yonks ago...the counsellor had me read the story of the ugly duckling....today I still think about that story as it holds a very powerful message f...with your family your basically a swan..in the wrong nest.

With your hubby your a swan in a swans nest.

Big HUGS XX

Hi ya , just read the post you wrote on Dottys thread and it made so much sense to me .

I could see myself in it and the way I behave . In particular waiting for someone to say I had not made the grade . Even though that has not happened for donkeys years .

It most defo given me some food for thought . Quite enlightened I post a big thank you to you writing it .

Look after yourself , thank you again .

Shiny xxxxxx

Hi Freda ...

As always thank you for saying very eloquently what it takes me to fathom and say in about a months posts... Libby is great at that too....in one sentance she can say what I would wrestle with for weeks...

I was on the pity pot yesterday but snapped myself out of it as truly am not looking to blame sections of society but do feel envy at people being looked after that is very true.

My ex was constantly bailed out by his folks and he never understood or took seriously that the same option wasnt available to me..if I f***k it up there is a huge consequence to pay as unlike him I had no family to bail me out.

I was let down twice this week when I really needed a hand and I guess that sends the message in my head of 'why bother" and I get resentful as I rarely ask for help..so I don't ask again.

My self esteem doesnt take a bashing but sadly this normally brings out a vengeful side of my character that makes a mental note to not help that person if they need me.

That normally doesnt happen as im such a wuss and usually do pitch in so I rarely act on that vengeful thought.

Well hun...another day beckons and I shall maybe sstart getting dressed...hopefully you are in a good place today and making the most of the last of our summer.

Hugs

R and D xxx

ps...not sure if you have seen it but that film 28 days is brilliant...the one with Sandra Bullock in rehab..its about 10 years old now but I like the bit when she has a sign roound her neck saying "confront me if i dont ask for help"...lol

Oh yes, I know the one!

I should have a sign made for me too ; )

Hi Freda.

Sorry to read you have been feeling depressed.Hope that passes quick for you.

That can't be easy for you when that comes around!

All my best Freda and keep on moving on up!

Viggo.

Thanks Viggo : )

Had a s**t day yesterday. Finally heard about my DLA claim and I got nothing. I had been to see the doctor a couple of days earlier, who told me DLA wasn't really for people like me, because you have to be able to buy something with the money. I don't know what the f**k she is talking about, but based on her ignorance she has told the benefits people that I would not benefit from DLA. She didn't say this in so many words, but it was written all over her face. They were considering my claim until they spoke to her, don't need a gcse in anything to work that one out. She is a hardcore tory, as most doctors are, and it just boils my *** that she has been asked to decide something that she clearly does not have adequate understanding of. I will be attending all future GP appointments with a mental health advocate. I will also be asking a qualified benefits advisor to explain to her what DLA is for, with mentally ill applicants.

Do you know what it boils down to? she is lazy, and still gets exactly the same paypacket whether I get better or not. She also knows that people in my position, are not equipped to stand up to lazy, unsympathetic doctors palming them off.

Do you know, since I lost my job due to my illness, I have not qualified for one single penny of support. It puts so much pressure on my household, and me. £20 a week would have made all the difference.

I don't know how she sleeps at night. Hubby replied "very well I expect, she's f*****G loaded isn't she?" I find it so shocking that GP's are paid £70k a year whether they do a good job or not!

My only comfort is Karma, Karma, Karma....

Hey freda...

yep Doctors ..a few are good but many not adequetly trained. (deleted pet peev rant) ; )

I sympathise as went through a similar process in my 20's coming off diazapam and Inderal and not being able to return to work as quickly as I thought due to huge weaning off side effects.... and got no real support.

Its intersting you say laziness as this is one of the deadly sins rarely looked at...sloth!

edited .....if this doctor had more understanding of the human condition with mental health conditions then you would be helped in a way thats needed and not pre prescribed.

off me soap box now

hugs Freda

R and D xx

Hi Freda.. sorry to hear that you seem to have an unsympathetic Gp. It is true that many "proffessionals" outside of the mental health field have limited understanding of mental illness and how it effects peoples day to day functionaing.

However i'd imagine that the decision made was also a response to government tightening the criteria significantly as part of its money saving programme. I'd imagine that because you have support from your husband that you are deemed (rightly or wrongly) not to be in need of state support. Am only guessing of course. I don't know.

It sounds like this decision is just something that you will have to take on the chin.... though i'd imagine that there is a right of appeal??

Keep doing the things that keep you in a good place within yourself. You haven't gambled for what seems like millenia... your doing fantastically well. Take care... S.A 🙂