Going to keep this thread now!

Sorry you are jumping through hoops again Freda..

thinking of you and wishing I could take it away for you..

R and D XX

Hi Freda

Just passing through and wanted to wish you a happy christmas and all the very best for the new year.

TBH i dont come here too often nowadays but i genuinely hope you are ok! I need to have a good read up on your diary tho!!

Anyways (((freda)))) all the best and hoping some good times are coming your way. ands

and THANKYOU for all your posts and support on my diary!

Morning Freda.. I hope your feeling a bit more on a level today. merry christmas.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

Sorry 2 read u have been going thru a tough time recently!

I just wanted 2 wish u and ur Husband a Merry Christmas, thank u 4 all ur support, thru the good and the bad times, it means a lot 🙂

Take care xx

Thanks guys. I did not let the sh*tstorm get me down for long. Went swimming with hubby yesterday (1200m) and randomly went on a mission to paint the spare room (partly succeeded).

I like this defiance that is rising up within me. For years, I didn't know what to do with anger because it had so many negative connotations for me. I saw it as a very dangerous thing. Now, I am allowing it to come, recognising that no bloody wonder it is there, but then moving forward and using it as fuel to fire my determination not to let the b*st$rds win and grind me down.

I'm proud of how I deal with things these days. Gone is the self destructive display of anger in it's many forms (gambling, drinking, eating a full tub of haagen daz) and instead I remind myself how strong I am by maintaining my fitness levels, or getting things done. Every time I look at my mortgage balance creeping slowly down, I mentally stick my fingers up at Adolf Cameron, the fat cat bankers, and other evil forces in this world and say I'm surviving in spite of you, you c***s!

Merry Christmas everyone, take good care of yourselves, and seek revenge through making a success of your life!

Been to see a support worker about everything that has been going on, and she has said she will go with me to an oral hearing and will slam a tape recorder down on the table and be like "come on, deny that there is anything wrong with this lady. Can you acknowledge for the tape that she is extremely distressed? can I point out the blotches all over her face and body, and her disorientated state? Are you unable to see this?" She is furious that they have done this to me, and over Christmas. She also confirmed what I suspected - that they do receive a monetary bonus for not saying yes. The "independent" tribunal panel. Make. More. Money. To. Deny. My. Disability. Extra. Fifty. Pounds. Directly. In. Their. Pocket.

Why on earth would they say yes? Disgusting.

Unfortunately, if you say to someone "you can do the right thing, or you can have an extra fifty pounds in your pocket - what's it going to be?" a lot of people will take the money. My dear friend who recently jumped 80ft to her death from a bridge? She had lost her appeal because there was nothing wrong with her. So she is dead, but you know, fifty quid, it's understandable right?

Sick. Sick. Sick.

Hey freda.

heaaring your pain and anger in your posts and although you are still in the thick of it...you are getting those feelings out and thats the main thing.x.

hugs

R and D xx

Hiya Luvvy,

I see things are a bit s**t with your claim, push on through girl and do what you can, you are doing fantastic in lots of ways 🙂 It's a real positive when anger becomes motivating..I've been on that roll for a while and really getting somewhere. Miss ya, might return to the forum.

Love Del xo

Ah thanks girls. Sorry I've not been keeping up with you guys, I'm just f****d.

After being told for 5 years by my old GP that there was nothing she could do to help me, within 20 minutes of meeting my new GP he has offered to refer me to a psychiatrist, and the crisis team will be out to see me at home tomorrow to assess me. That fat old lazy b*tch I used to see, told me this was literally an impossibility because psychiatrists will only see psychotic patients these days. Shame on her. Either that, or my new GP works for some completely different, 'magic' version of the NHS. Hmm.....

I was so relieved he was actually offering to help me, that I asked if it would be OK to shake his hand. I think he was a bit puzzled as to why I was so in awe of him, just for actually doing what he is paid for.

Ironically, it is now good news that the appeals c***s have asked for my full medical records, because they will now include a referral to a psychiatrist after my FIRST meeting with my new doctors. That should make interesting reading for them, and also totally confirms what I claimed about my old GP which was that she was reluctant to acknowledge how severely I was debilitated by my condition, and it was not because there was nothing wrong with me that I had not been offered any help from her. Hopefully it will underline to these people how wrong it is to rely mainly on evidence from a GP when assessing a claim.

Had to get horribly distressed and reach crisis point before I got a result, but FINALLY I am starting to get the help I deserve.

Hi Freda

Glad you are finally getting progress with the doctors and getting acknowledgement something is wrong. I know from friends and family members who suffer from mental health how frustrating being ignored or not taking seriously when you reach out for help is. It feels at times the NHS is Russian roulette, I have seen both the good and bad and can it be frightening to think it can be down to pure chance what type of doctor and response you get.

Hi Freda!

I have just been catching up with your diary and it really seems you have been going through the mill recently so thought I would drop by and lend my support and give you a classic high five.

It is great that you have now received that good news and hopefully the change of GP will mean you receive a lot more support.

Just about a year ago you first popped by on my diary to give me support and seeing you become so much stronger over that time is incredible.

There comes a time when we have to say that 'enough is enough' and a point where we draw a line in the sand a say 'thou shall not cross'. By reading diaries I get the impression that many of us would not have been able to do that a year ago and i think I include both of us in that.

Here is to 2013, reclaiming our lives and striding on with hope and strength as our friends.

Paulds

Hi Freda,

Thank u 4 ur lovely post on my diary and ur continued support. It means a lot that u still believe in me ... thank u xx

Reading ur last few posts made me angry 4 u... Having 2 fight 4 the support u deserve it is so wrong. It seems like things may be getting better 4 u now... I hope u r ok and staying strong 🙂

I have so much time 4 u!

Take care xxxx

Hi Freda,

Thank u 4 just being there and understanding me... It really means alot 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xxxx

Aw anytime Charlotte!

I'm doing much better than a couple of days ago. Managed to sort out an appointment with new GP on Friday morning, when an advocate will be able to go with me to discuss this medication issue. I'm hoping it can be resolved without a problem, as he does seem at least on first impression to be a compassionate person.

I just can't handle any changes to my medication at the moment, the thought terrifies me.

I understand where the new surgery is coming from - their policy is that research has shown that the slow release version of my medication, works in exactly the same way as the standard tablet, but is more expensive. They don't want to write prescriptions out for more expensive medications if there is no proven benefit. However, I can't trust that to be true at the moment. I have been told a lot of things by doctors over the years, that they swore was pure fact only to later find out it wasn't accurate. I am only just keeping myself on a wafer-thin even keel, and a lot of the time can't even go outside. I need to be a little stronger before I can take that leap of faith and trust them that changing things won't make me worse.