Going to keep this thread now!

Food for thought there, D!

Am defo ready for a few short hours voluntary somewhere if this Uni job doesn't come good. Will wait and see what happens (interview is only a week away) and in the meantime, have a think about places I'd like to try as a volunteer.

My anxiety was really bad yesterday, for reasons unknown to me, but today I have been more relaxed, and for that I am grateful.

Fairly busy day tomorrow, but all just leisure activities, no commitments to fulfill. Treading softly and carefully next week, to prepare for my interview a week tomorrow! Most of my bad days lately, have been due to challenging old ways, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and exploring difficult feelings in counselling. So it's healthy triggers mostly. Constructive emotional upheaval. This is good. It is better than emotional distress caused by making poor choices, having poor awareness of things that affect me adversely, and being taken advantage of by emotional vampires.

That said, I can choose to put the trailblazing to one side for a week. No more practising things I find scary, challenging my fears and such like. I can pick that back up when the time is right.

Slept in this morning, and didn't make it to my morning thing. My flat is soooo cold, that there is actually a breeze inside the bedroom. I kid you not!

Really enjoyed going to my wellbeing course this afternoon. It is a free course run by ageUK, but you don't have to be over a certain age to sign up for it. Going came with some anxieties. It was being held in the charity where I had the upsetting encounter with the manager last week. She didn't look up from her computer screen at all when I came in, and I was grateful to be honest, because I don't feel very comfortable around her after her getting angry with me. My voice tells me it was her in the wrong though, and I'm only listening to my own voice from now on. I'm not going to let other people's opinions make me doubt myself any more.

So I was anxious when I went in, but happy by the time I left, because the course was really good. We were learning some relaxation techniques, and self massage. I'm proud of myself, that I still went despite my anxiety.

Anyway, I went into town afterward, and struggled a bit while browsing round the shops so came away. I think I was just worried about getting home in the extremely icy cold weather, and knew that it was expected to snow quite heavily. I had a really bad panic attack one winter, and it took hubby over half an hour to coax me home just a few hundred yards. It was about -5 degrees, and I was seriously worried I might not get home safely, and end up with hypothermia. Ever since then, when it's really cold and I have been struggling with anxiety, I do get that fear again and feel very vulnerable.

Anyway, got home safely, and happy pottering about til hubby gets in. Thoughts of gambling are a million miles away.

Been having LOTS of fun with litmus paper!!!! ordered some from ******* to find out what my alkaline buffers are like just now (Rach will understand) The simple pleasures of licking litmus paper, then getting another bit and P**sing on it! Everyone should list that as a hobby. It is also fun and reassuring to dip one into some vinegar and marvel at how acidic it is compared to you.

Well anyway, the good news is, my levels are not ideal, but only just under which is miraculous considering I have been on medication for 13 years, and have high anxiety levels at the moment. It is a really positive focus to have, and good motivation to keep reducing the acidity in my diet. I'm kind of glad I only checked my levels a few days after starting to drink more green tea and leafy greens.

If anyone is reading, and interested in quick swops you can do to lower you body's acidity - swap some of your coffees and black tea's for green tea (even one cup is a start), avoid artificial sweeteners, fizzy drinks, alcohol in excess, very processed foods - particularly ones high in refined sugars, and swap red meat for almonds if you can. If you can't, chicken and turkey are better than red meat. Eat these things in abundance: celery, avocado (it's only high in healthy fats), cucumber, kale, spinach, lettuce, any other dark greens, tomatoes and lemons/limes (they are acidic outside the body, but once digested have an alkalizing effect.

It's good reading up about these things. I definitely feel, particularly at a time of little control over many things, it's important to have a positive focus on something you can control.

hey hun...

maybe a disjointed post here as whackarooed...lol at the litmus paper...have another idea for ya..the candida test...you will need one glass o water and some early morning spit..lol.seriously! xx

i love me green tea and also used to drink rooibosh black...has to give it u though as starte to look like i smoked 50 woodbines!...stained my teeth but they are ok now.

Love all those foods to alkalyse and am guessing the bender it out att your house?

Thank you for posting hun..alluded right back in dairy 11 over the baby but came out about it in the summer..so much of my anger at my ex and his gambling was mixed up with grief and rage over it and i could not separate the two out.

I was forever in a loop of "i would not have had to make that decision if you had stopped betting"...

He was just so cold about it.

What made matters worse was my ex has a little girl whereas i have no chiildren and at 46 in March that was pretty much my last chance .

So maybe that explains why i was so angry and also why im surgicaly attached to my dog as she became my baby ..all my mternal feelings went into Dotty..unfairly on her really...as she has one clingy over protective mother..lol

I have some dark days like the other day when i want revenge but those feelings are now a lot less whereas at on time ii had to always distract myself to not act on them.

Nice chatting to you hun..had a chuckle at imagining you and Womble both working your way through my diary it must be like reading a cross between "War and Peace" and "Mein Kampf"..lol

hugs

R and D xx

Hi Freda,

Just popping by with a positive high five and will join you for a green tea if possible. I love those healthy alternatives and am going to try some of them out.

You have permission to slap me round the head as I am back on day one again, your diary and the strength you have shown recently are a real inspiration, keep it up YOU deserve it.

Stay safe

Paulds

Hi Freda,

Thank u 4 ur lovely post on my diary. It means a lot 🙂

Ur words r always so comforting and they always make me feel better 🙂

U r such a strong person Freda, U r some1 I have soooo much time 4 🙂

U give me hope, u r a gr8 lady 🙂

Take care xxxx

Hey hun..hope your not chowing down some grub as you read this but here is the spec for candida test..

You will need :

One glass of water

Some early morning gloopy "hock"

A clock

so...first thing when you get up...hock into a glass of cold water (must be first one of the day)

Leave it for 15 mins and then look at it:

If it has got tendril cloudy legs coming down from it,ior cloudy specs in water or cloudy glob on the bottom of glass then this could indicate a wee problem with sugar and fungal infections.

Check out the pics on google under "candida spit test." !!! nice

Some people think its a load of crapola but some Docs use it now just as a general guide...have a go hun and tomorow i shall begin my post with :

"hock o da mornin to ya"...in a bad irish accent.

R and D xx

hey f....

Doo you remembe "Pondlife"?...Dolly Pond??...well if you donnt ..check out Youtube and type it in...all episodes on there about 5 mins long each...

cartoon capers of Ms Dolly Pond..a heroine for our times and has me laughing out loud...think it will be lost on most of the guys as deffo something females will identify with....

Having said that...it could be compulsary viewing for Mr SA ...as a snapshot into how us females really are...lol

The "Good Looking Boyfriend" episode a real hoot...lol

R and D xx

ps off to wach another few episodes

Haaaa! Will check it out later.

Haven't tried the candida test dotty - somehow can't bring myself to, and thinking that ignorance may be bliss, lol.

Have felt much stronger these past few days. Getting back into good behaviours, meditating and hanging out with my venerable monk friend, eating good, exercising, and plenty of rest. Going for some Reiki soon, and can't wait.

Going to have a chilled weekend, not overthink the interview on Monday, get well prepared Sunday night, then just go with whatever happens Monday. What will be will be. Can't guarantee I won't have a panic attack, but worrying about it will only make it more likely. So content to just try, and if it doesn't go well, let it go.

Have really noticed a drop in my anxiety levels since increasing alkalines. May just be a coincidence, but worth sticking with!

HI Freda,

I dont think I have ever posted on your diary but i always read, Just wanted to say best of luck with your interview on monday and glad to see things are good for you at the moment.

Take care

Blondie x

Thinking of you on Monday.

Stay calm and safe

xxx

hey f..

no coincidence those alkalysing foods ...also wishing you all the best and great vibes for your interview...just look at it as if you were just popping out for a chat with some new folks..thats what i do anyway...hate the build up as it stresses me more..

Hope you check out ms Pond...lol

ps...am not illiterate or drunk! btw..just realised i type so fast and then see later on that ive made loads of spelling mistakes or duplicated letters,....lol

r and d xx

Hi Freda... interesting what you have to say about your work cycle and feeling stuck. I often feel the same about my own work patterns over the years. Not once have I made a smooth tranistion from one job to another or from being a student and into work. There has always been a period of either unemployment or temp work before ive setlled back into a steady job.

Historically its mostly been gambling thats tipped me into periods of work and then life crisies but I also have memories of just leaving a job on impulse cos i was bored and fed up but also having no idea what would come next.

I think my work history and the periods of panic and crisis in my life is what keeps me where i am even though I work for peanuts and for a boss whom I dislike intensely (4 working days till she's gone). I am scared of stepping out of my comfort zone and potentially out of the frying pan and into the fire so to speak. I appreciate the saying, nothing ventured, nothing gained...its just hard thats all. All the best for Monday. As you say, what will be is what will be.

By the way am drinking lots of green tea but struggling not to put sugar in it. I have a very sweet tooth. I also hear vthat almonds are good. I munch on them sometimes too. Hope your having a good weekend, you seem in a positive place just now. Regards... S.A 🙂

Aw thanks guys, made this old boot smile : )

Had really awesome reiki yesterday. My gosh, it was just beautiful. She told me to repeat to myself while I was receiving it "I am a peaceful soul, and I will be calm in my job interview on Monday". The coolest thing was, when I started saying to myself, it was more of a plea,lol, a wish. As the treatment went on, I became much more confident and sure of what I was saying to myself. Like it was a fact.

She very kindly offered to send me distant healing tomorrow morning, which I was touched at.

I feel much more positive than I did, and funnily enough, my first urine this morning was more acidic than usual - but then my second urine was more alkaline than usual. Could just be a coincidence, but I believe that reiki brings the body back into balance. The urine tests would indicate that my body cleansed itself more than usual yesterday, and is now more in balance than before.

Looks to be a beautiful sunny winters day, so we are off soon for a walk to the beach. This afternoon, I will get everything prepared - timing for when I need to leave, which train I need to get, clothes set out and ironed etc. then chill out!

Have a great Sunday everyone : )

good luck tomorrow freda and your reiki sounds just the tonic..xx

R and D xx