Going to keep this thread now!

Hey hun....

I just read your post there.....

i dont know what to say really as I dont want to sound as if i am trivilising what happened...

I am glad robs come in there and given compter blocking advice as I am techophobic and would have no idea.

I am also glad you are writing about it on here,tol hubby and are not isolating.

I know its not about the amount but about control and thats why i can understand your panicky feelings f...

Try not to dwell hun xx

Progress not perfection remember..keep posting ...x.

(((((f))))) hugs

R and D xx

Hi Freda

I didn't read all your diary entry, think its because I saw IT help needed and I got all excited at trying to help someone out. Although my computer advice is better than my human advice my post now feels rude and insensitive.

I know that awful feeling too well of being drawn back into a gamble and its the act of gambling itself that hurts not the amount of money. It can feel like everything returns back to the start and back to zero but I feel this is only the day/month/year counter. The personal and emotional progress you make does not reset to the start, it takes a hit and it hurts but you will move forward from this and get stronger. This to me is the really important part of recovery. Take some heart that you are now doing all the rights things now because of that progress, telling your husband, coming here and posting, looking at putting blocks into place and it seems a determined frame of mind.

Take care xx

P.S Just a little more tech advice, There are blocks for phones, if you have an iphone or Android phone I would suggest k9, its free. Takes a bit of configuring by someone else to put password on and only block gambling sites but it works.

Just seen your post on my diary, glad that fixed it for you. My IT knowledge knows no bounds, all quake before its fury. 🙂

Hi Freda... its perhaps a good idea to put the K9 blocker on your phone. If your anything like me (and even though it was only £6), its simply the act of having gambled that can knock the self-esteem a bit (for a while) and the gambling monster within will work on that. But having said that your not me and am sure you will be just fine.

Glad your virus thingie has been fixed.. regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda

I am a total computer nerd, its what I do for a living. I really enjoy the problem solving part of it. Faced with a technology problem I wont let it go until I fix it. Its made my recovery challenging as I was an online gambler and faced with a block the problem solver in me would want to find a way around it as much as the gambler in me.

Out of all the diaries Baljit's its the only one I cannot connect there is a person behind it with a genuine gambling problem. I reckon you would have more success with the horse. To be honest I laugh everytime I see that next post of declaration. Comedy and repetition can go hand in hand and I feel its just a complete pish take. Either way I can see how alot of people wouldn't find it the least bit funny but I have a rather black and cynical sense of humour.

Best stick to the one anti-virus program. Its like seeing two doctors at once for the same problem. They might mean well but one Doc will have the thermometer in your mouth and the other Doc will choose a less graceful opening.

Thanks chaps : )

Have tried to install k9 on my mobile, but can't get it to work...it said I needed a google account to log in to to download the app, so my husband logged into his - which seemed a good idea anyways, so he could set up the password for k9 - but it wouldn't download....I can't remember what it said, something about white, and a shopping cart... I don't know. Got exasperated and gave up, but will try again.

Looks like a job for Rob...

Sand leaving my orofice...lol ....still chuckling over that...what about the male equivalent?..

"Gravel in yer helmet""...lol

hope you get it sorted hun xx

R and D xx

Hi there

glad you are ok now and getting help with IT. I had to ask guy that lives next door to sort mine out when it all crashed recently as it is what he does for a living.

Really worries me that after managing by the skin of my teeth for a couple of months that I am so impulsive I will gamble without thinking as over confident that I am ok. It feels like whatever safety nets I put in place it is there at the tip of my fingers waiting to catch me out.

I guess the answer is not to worry too much and just get back on the horse afterwards if you take a fall and make sure you are wearing a crash hat or helmet, preferably gravel free.

xxx

Thanks re,

Yes, you are right - we all make mistakes, it's just trying to keep it as rare as possible.

Still haven't managed to download blocker on my phone, but my phone company have stopped me being able to deposit anything anyway, as I gave a false date of birth on the site I used (on purpose, as you have to be careful who you share that stuff with).

Haven't gambled since. Just haven't felt like posting recently. Probably linked to having CBT and working on feeling OK about offloading to a human, face to face. So it's good I guess.

Have sorted out a voluntary job, and doing induction next week. Am pleased with my progress, it has to be slow and gentle, but so what.

Hi Freda,

Slow and gentle is good and thats my moto to it makes a change from fast and manic for me lol.

I had some CBT for the grief councelling that i had last year the counceller said i had Post truamatic stress from my dads death i thought it was brilliant and it certainly did the trick with the flash backs that i used to get.

I have always wanted to do some voluntary work and I think i might add that to my list of things i want to achieve this year.

Keep going freda your doing great I to get bouts of not wanting to post and then mad flurrys of posting lots i think its just par for the course.

Take care

Blondie x

Thanks B xxx

Well, just when things settled down a tiny bit, and I thought it was safe to relax - hubby gets home yesterday to tell me that his job is being relocated......120 miles away.

Mint.

We have a mortgage and f**k all savings, and are facing the prospect of either him commuting, which will cost us hundreds of extra pounds a month, or selling our flat IF we can get what we paid for it, and moving 120 miles to a rough area where we know noone.

Just can't believe it. Gutted and crying!

Oh Freda...just wish I'd read your post first before I blummin did mine about being back home....feel a right insensitive twatola now ...

I don't know what to say .....what timescale have they given ?...

Oh f****n hell...am gutted for you and for different reasons understand a wee bit about enforced change so I know how upset you will be... : (

There must be a way round this...keep close to your diary and talking to us Freda

((((((( f)))))))))

R and D xxxx

Flying by to say thinking of you, what a nightmare.

xxx

Ah thanks girls,

Rach I haven't read your diary hun, haven't read anyones for days, as am just in a hole : (

We have at least 4 months, well that's a verbal guarantee..., if it weren't the worst possible time to try and sell your property, and the worst possible time to look for a new job...

His parents have said they will help out if it comes to that, to avoid us getting into mortgage arrears. It's just impossible to say how long it will take to sell a property at the mo....I mean it could literally be years. Need to talk to mortgage company about our options, as we only own 20% and would need their permission to rent our flat out. If we owned 25% or more, we could get a buy to let mortgage for certain, but not sure where we stand at 80% LTV.

We are dealing with multiple, multiple grimness at the moment which makes it harder. I have my DLA appeal in 6 weeks, which I'm really worried about. It will just burn another bridge of possibility if I lose that appeal. Currently, the odds are 50-50 from what I understand. I have zero income, and don't know how long it will take to get to a point where I can cope with a job.

Also my Dad is having major surgery in 2 weeks to remove an abdominal aeortic anyeurysm, and we just found out my sister in laws partner has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. It just seems to be coming at us from all directions at the moment.

I don't want it to set me back as it has taken me 6 months to get a bit stronger from my anxiety and depression, and I've only just started to cope with doing things for myself, and cope with being alone and stop taking Valium.

Sorry if this is really depressing reading. I can't cope with reading other diaries because I'm so overwhelmed with depressing stuff myself, I can't cope with anything else.

I will get through this if it doesn't kill me(!) but just so sick of it being a constant grind to get through each day.

Hey Freda...

Not a definite but when I looked at buy to let it was based on rental income being higher than the mortgage per month rather than LTV but you know how they change the rules,..also the form for permission is straightforward and you will need landlord insurance about 20 quid a month.

Don't worry about reading...just keep close if you can ...my work pal also going for CBT and really getting better...you have come a long way Hun and will need support through all the stress right now with whats going on and your respective families illnesses.

dont apologise...you're in the right place to get strength you need to deal with all this...

R and d xxx