Going to keep this thread now!

That is what is most frightening to me - people just accept it as "the way things are". What can you do, that's just the way things are? Er no! the systematic victimisation of vulnerable people is not OK to just accept. Ee that government, what are they like?! with their abuse of the weak and vulnerable, the wee scamps. You've got to laugh....

No one gives a sheet as long as it isn't happening to them!

I have just found out today, that a diagnosis of a debilitating anxiety disorder, and 4 years of seeing a psychiatrist are missing from my GP medical records!!!!! w*f???? No wonder I have had to appeal a benefits decision. On paper, it very much looks like I have made the whole thing up! It's disgusting, and I'm going to see if I have a case for compensation. I have been treated for the wrong diagnosis for at least the past 6 years. A much milder, less debilitating condition. That sheet has to be malpractice surely.

Hi Freda,

Thanks u 4 ur support and kind words on my diary. It means a lot 🙂

It sounds like u r going thru a tough time again, that is terrible I hope they find the records soon!

Stay strong Freda, u r a gr8 lady 🙂

Take care xxxx

Cheers Char,

Still suffering with this crush as well. I'm a pish poor wife :'(

Hey ho!

...We've been living in pre war nazi germany for a while now controlled by the media and no ones noticed ....plus America will be making the ** under martial law.....conditions ripe for the next reigime...history repeating...

(check out FEMA)

Anyhooo onto more intersting things...crush,slush mush...Hey ..let the imagination rumble a bit shows you have blood still pumping round your loins..lol....just don't act on it....

R and D xx

Don't get me started on disability, my friend used to work for DISCASS and regularly had steam coming out of her ears.

Going through the process now as just had stat sick pay stopped, never mind I will live on fresh air for a while Grrrr.

Does help to offload on here though so hope you are feeling fighting fit and ready for the next round.

xxx

hey hun

Thank you for understanding and not taking my inability to forgive un- personally..Its person specfic..lol.

You know that if you ever needed a lion in your corner it would be me batting for your voice to be heard.

I love how you express your emotions on here and especially anger cos this is the stuff folks surpress and go into addiction over.....

Stand in your own truth.....you may not win any personaility contest... but by God ...you will build character...and y'know what ?? I know who I would be with at the finish line ..xx

R and D xxx

Thanks lasses,

You know, I am just starting to realise how helpful a good rant can be! I do believe that dwelling on things that make you angry, is unhealthy, but once the anger has already arisen...it has to come out.

I have been getting CBT recently, and one of the things I have been encouraged to challenge, is that I hold back on the ranting front with my hubby. I never really need to rant about him, but I realised I had some anxieties about fully revealing this side of myself to him. That I get really angry about stuff. Ridiculous after over 7 years together, and almost 3 years of marriage! He is very even tempered, and very rarely needs to rant, so I was feeling if I started offloading as much as I needed, he would think I had an unattractive, nasty personality. That he wouldn't understand - and next to him, I would seem really horrible.

My homework has been to rant at him every night, and not apologise!!! ha ha ha!!!

Obviously this idea that it is not attractive for a woman to be really angry has come from somewhere....as when I think about my own attitude, I don't have a problem with it. Although I do wonder if it has been my attempt to make sure I don't turn into my mother!

Hi there

nothing better than a good rant but know just what you mean about ending up like your mother. Mine is bi polar and has started drinking recently but always blames her problems on other people. I have always fought against anything in my character that reminded me of her probably going too far the other way in never asking for help and wanting to be perfect.

Difficult for you living with someone that is so self contained, my ex was like that and I used to get so frustrated that he wouldn't respond sometimes I'd end up throwing things, not a good idea as it was me that had to clear up the mess.

Anyhow hope you have a brill gambleless weekend.

xxx

Hiya f....fellow rantee....thank you for popping in hun with your understanding...xx

In certain fields of medicine they reckon holding on to resentments can be the cause or contributor of many physical illnesses ...I do kind of believe that...

I hear what your saying there about your fears of ranting in front of your hubby...I think for both sexes this is an issue...for us women this whole fallacy of being unattractive and not feminine is at the base of it as you say..

I always wished I could be of latin or mediterranean blood,long dark hair swishing around and where the image of the woman smashing up a few plates whilst doing spot of flamenco style dancing on a table always thrilled me..I used to love the character of Ramona in Cold Feet...lol

In this country if you get angry its always perceived like an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show!

Anger and Passion are two sides of the same coin that both come from the same spark of energy.....blunt or dumb down one and the other suffers...

Yeah..we get angry...but we're great in bed!... lol

I have a feeling that your ranting could ignite the passion ?...Valentines steamy rant !...lol..then who knows...that crush may be squeezed out as only room for 2.

Its called spirit Freda....and you have bags of it...whose character could that remind me of?

clue...

You gotta win a little..loose a little

And have the blues a little...

Thats the glory of ..that's the story of love...

Ta- dah!

R and D xx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…;feature=youtube_gdata_player

Hit it toots. xx

Toots! love it!!!!

Haven't updated for a while. Have been able to function in general, a lot better the past couple of weeks. It's just been nice to have a rest! Nice for everything not to be a struggle I have to grit my teeth through. I've still had anxiety, but just mild stuff mainly.

Have been having A LOT of gambling dreams lately. To the extent where often I have to remind myself that I haven't gambled in real life. They are very realistic when I have them. I've been having a lot of low level urges too. More than I've had in a long time.

The good thing is, I haven't been getting urges to escape my life as such. The urges don't tend to come when I need to block out pain lately, more along the lines of needing some excitement and fun. I always did enjoy gambling whilst I was first doing it, it was just that I couldn't stop and would carry on like a zombie, no longer getting any pleasure from it, but just feeling compelled to continue. And then there would be afterward.

It's been 19 months since I gambled, and in a way, this also makes the one little play seem in my mind to not be such a dangerous thing to do. Because I have become complacent, and the bad memories have faded a little. Trying to just remind myself that it wouldn't stay at one little play. Historically, after a fairly long period of abstinence, I would manage to play without going too much over what I mean't to spend, and certainly wouldn't be straight back the next day. I might not even find myself back the next week. BUT, it is a very slippery slope, and by the same token I wouldn't be likely to go another 19 months before I next dabbled.

This is how complacency gets you. It takes a lot of persistent effort to get to say, 18 months. After that, you may slip up once and not gamble again for another 2 months...however, what the mind usually fails to notice is that you have increased the frequency of your gambling nine fold and that certainly is an awful lot. Taking that example, after 2 lapses, the next time is probably going to be less than a week after the second - increasing ninefold everytime.

So basically, I am the type of gambler who can be back gambling heavily on a daily basis, after only 3 slips. Even after 18 months of complete abstinence. That is scary enough to keep me saying "just for today..."

Hi Freda.. sounds like youve nipped any complacent feelings in the bud before they start to develope. For me its like after the first bet however small or insignificant it may seem, it alters my mind set, it really does. It makes it easier for me to have another bet even when in time wise it might be some weeks later.

Ive gone through the grand cycle of many many months off it only then to gamble in exactly the same way i'd gambled before and as if the time in between had never happened. Stay focussed am sure you will. thanks for your support as always... S.A 🙂

Thanks SA,

Yeah, I thought thinking it through on paper might help.

I still gambled anyway. Think I had already made the decision in my head, and was trying to talk myself out of it. Thankfully no real financial damage done - I know it's not etiquette on here to describe too much, but spent literally £6.

I was lucky if you can call it that, that the medium I had chosen, seemed to take a while to actually spend much. What with free joining bonus and first deposit match etc. But time-wise, I was at it for a good while maybe 2 hours on and off.

Felt physically ill. Shaking, headache, anxiety, panicky, stomach churning, the lot. Felt depressed and vulnerable the next day (yesterday) coming down from the buzz, however unpleasant it was. I was shocked at how intensely it could physically affect me after 19 months. It was debilitating. It was mobile phone related, so now worrying that I will have to endure countless gambling-related texts. Told hubby as soon as he got home, and we agreed that if it happens again, will install blocking software on my mobile. Will install it anyway, when I get over this, as I'm sure there are free of charge softwares. Just don't want to use internet from my phone at all at the moment.

It has certainly worked in reminding me how quickly I can be brought to my knees. Perhaps I needed this to strengthen my determination after falling into complacency world.

I honestly feel I can get back to abstaining. Just going to have to have my guard right up for a wee while.

I have a virus on my computer, and don't really understand how I might be able to spread it to others, so not writing any posts on others' diaries at the moment.

If anyone has any IT knowledge it would be welcome. I downloaded a binary file that said it was going to check my Windows 7 was genuine, then realised it was probably a virus, but realised too late.

I have deleted the file from my downloads folder, permentently deleted it from my recycle bin, performed windows updates, backed up my computer (which took 10 hours and 25 cds!!!) done a full computer scan with AVG which found no threats, and done a system restore to 2 weeks ago. However, I am still getting the error messages telling me to authenticate my windows, and have a message that won't go away on the bottom right of my desktop screen, which reads : Windows 7 build 7601 this copy of windows isn't genuine. I'm refraining from logging on to any online banking, as I know viruses can get your password by recording keyboard strokes. Any other advice would be welcome.

Hi Freda

Computer problem you say, let your resident computer nerd help you! 🙂

Its likely you have had some kind of virus or malware thats tried to change the activation status. There are a couple of methods of getting windows to authenticate again. I would recommend trying to do this by the telephone activation method if you have your windows 7 license key. Alot of the time its a sticker thats on your PC/laptop. When you go to activate windows via the wizard you should have an option to do this via phone. It will then bring up some options for your location and give you a free phone number. When you call the number it will be an automated system where you have to enter in the numbers that are on the screen, you should then get a code back that you enter.

If you prefer a human than do not respond when the automated line asks you and it will take you through to an operator. Explain the situation to them and give them your license key, they should give you back a code to re-activate your windows. Hope this helps.

Failing that I have the throw computer out of nearest window and proceed to pub method down to a tee.

*edit* Actually you might not even need your license key, hopefully the codes on the screen should be enough, wait, was that the sound of breaking glass I heard. lol 🙂

Oh I forget to mention this it might make things easier.

To get to the activation wizard and have it bring up the phone activation part do the following:

1. Click the start menu

2. In the search box type slui.exe 4

3. This will bring up the activation wizard asking for your location.