Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda

thanks for dropping by and so agree about the food. Where do these addictive genes come from? My mother used to say a bad fairy had sneaked into my christening the amount of disasters throughout my life. Seems just when you get one sorted another lands on the doorstep and off you go again.

I have a dreadful f*** you head which rears itself up so can go for a while then wham knocks me for six. Just need to get back on the horse each time I guess but exhausting and I always want to stamp my foot and say it's not fair.

Rambling on but really wanted to say hope you are ok and take care.

xxx

Hey thanks guys,

I have been managing to keep myself on a level quite well - it's him indoors I am struggling with.

He just doesn't respond at all to support, so it's exasperating being around him when he is depressed. I have been doing what I can, trying to help him look at things a bit more positively, trying to help him see that things are hard, but not unbearable. That yes whatever happens we will be worse off financially - but we won't just suddenly end up with nothing. That yes, it's frustrating that if we have to, we may have to sell our flat at a small loss - but we would be free from the pressure of a mortgage, and would qualify for housing benefit worst case scenario. We would be making our situation safe, and making sure we didn't end up repossessed and homeless. But still he says he feels just as bad.

He admits himself, that there is nothing anyone can say to him that will make him feel better. I have had to say "look, I can't cope with this. I'm trying to recover from chronic anxiety and depression. Even I respond to reassurance and support, and cheer up to some extent. You are going to have to offload onto someone else, if you can't acknowledge the positives and get a more balanced outlook." I'm really struggling with him. If I'm honest, I'm a little bit angry as well. It takes constant effort and hard work to keep myself on an even keel. I could just be in a mood and refuse to look on the bright side, refuse to acknowledge that it might be OK, but I fight. I keep saying to him "we might have to do such and such, and that would be frustrating, but it's not going to kill us, it's not worth making ourselves ill over" and he comes back with "but I don't want to have to do that". I think he has been spoiled to be honest, I mean there is a lot in life we don't want to do - but to some extent we have to suck it up and make the best of it.

I feel selfish after all he has supported me through, but I just can't stay positive when he is being so negative. I look forward to him going to work at the moment. I can feel his anxiety, and it's setting me off.

Hey Hun..

Good to see your fighting too and looking at the positives in a situation you both could have done without ...

I guess your fella is in shock and maybe will take a bit of time to come round,..with you looking at the plusses I reckon he will be on the level again soon...I know what you mean though..if your not good yourself and your support goes down its like the blind leading the blind..

Thank you for embracing my rage a hol days ..lol ...when you talked about the f**k off wall..it reminded me of Vanessa phelps in celeb big bro when she lost it and started scrawling all over the tables...lol ...no one can say we are not expressive right? ...

Keep spewing Freda ...always reading ...

R and d xxx

Thanks Rach,

I want to support him as best I can, but it's so hard. Thankfully he seems to have cheered up a lot....I guess it was just the shock. I know he is not just saying he feels better for my benefit, as his whole energy is lighter. I've been scanning him when he's not looking!

I'm very pleased with myself actually, because I found out a much cheaper way for him to travel, if his company were to let him work his hours over 3 days and commute. It really seems to have encouraged him, as it would cut around 30 - 35 pounds per week off his travelling costs.

I'm so lucky that he understood that I can't handle his "bleak head" still being poorly myself. A lot of people would mistake this for being unsupportive.

I could have kept the feelings of anger at him to myself, worrying about what other people would think of me. They will think I'm so selfish/unreasonable/unsupportive! But no. I admit my socially unacceptable feelings with ease - because we all have them. We all feel anger or resentment toward people, which we know to be illogical or unreasonable. We just don't all admit to it.

I have reached a point in my life, where I know my own truth. I don't really give a tosh what others think of me (other than in a feedback way, "this seems to help, that doesn't" etc. as I still have a wish to help others and do no harm if I can)

Off to the doctors in a bit, to present a version of me on a bad day to him, and beg for more Valium like a depressive Oliver Twist "please doc, can I have some more?"

Hi Freda,

Glad you have hopefully found some solution to your hubbies work change, sometimes they will offer some kind of relocation package or additional travel costs if it is over a certain number of miles ?

Keep standing in your truth .

Take care

Blondie x

Thanks B - they cannot give him any answers either way about relocation funds. That is what is hardest, they are non-committal about if/when we may get that kind of info.

I have been censored by Gamcare, for posting a link to an e-petition which asks for more support for problem gamblers, and tighter controls over advertising of gambling.

Fair play to them if this is against forum rules. What a shame that we have to be so careful about helping our friends in recovery find ways to empower themselves.

I know when I was looking for something like this to sign, I personally went to the governments website. Once I found the e-petitions section, I decided to type "gambling" into the search box. I was successful in finding an e-petition there, that I wanted to sign.

Censor that story about a day in the life of Freda, Gamcare! I'm not encouraging others to become activists, I'm just describing an episode from my own life. So poo!

Had already signed it Freda

Can't believe they are such a holes to censor something so important to us.

xxx

Hey Freda

just catching up with diaries ....reading there about how are comfortable with anger and expressing feelings that others may deem negative.

Many scientific studies now are showing how illnesses like cancer can be aggrivated due to repressing emotions such as anger and resentment ...the emotion itself is not negative however it is the repression of it that is....

Surpessing emotions such as anger also flatline motivation...as anger and passion are born of the same spark and energy....it's learning to channel them correctly right?..

I too am at home with expressing those emotions..supression being a very british disease..fortunately we have a lot in common with the whole of Latin America ...and the italians who coincidently also have a passion for life! ...

Ciao Bella xxx

f you are spot on....

I need to develop a damsel in distress persona ...just as an experiement ..like the time I bought a cheap wedding band and wore it just to see if blokes reacted differently to me ...and guess what? They did! ...

I am going to have a go at pretending I'm a lot weaker and less capable than I am and see what happens...my next door neighbour has the knack...she's about 58 and always has fellas throwing themselves at her to help her....whereas I lug me own boxes and drive me own van and mow my own grass.

my male so called best pal came round to see me last night....first time in months...first thing he said when I told him how it is was " I didn't know it was this bad" ...!!!!!

I have no idea what it's going to take ...me selling the big issue ? ..me hog roasting Dots as I can't afford food ??..Me in hospital on a stomach pump?

This is someone who has known me for 25 years...yet is the first person whizzing round to patch up his friends with totally trivial problems by comparisan.

So your right Hun..as they say in the rooms...," practice opposties" ...act as if .....so tonight Matthew I am going to be needy Rach and see what I attract.Lol x

R and D xxx...

Ps...had a sterling idea ...black thick panda mascara..Flicky fringe..downcast eyes....lots of sighing....am go to adopt lady Di persona when she went on tv over camillagate...ha...got me role model sussed. Xx cheers Hun ...I owe ya xxx

Ha!!! you daft bat ; )

R's work are still not so much with the details... He has been as pushy as he can muster (just not his nature) and got the thumbs up from his manager re the commuting and working a 3 day week, with long hours each day. His manager said one sticking point with hr could be the EU work time directive I think it's called, as you are supposed to have at least 11 hours between work shifts. However, I am sure he could sign something to say that it was at his request, and that if his productivity or health suffer as a consequence, he is happy to take responsibility for that blah blah. They have to keep themselves within employment laws I guess.

Only other thing I really have to report, is how much I am enjoying being a bit of an activist!!! signing e-petitions, and promoting them on Twitter. The woman behind the Spartacus report, that proved the government had lied in order to push through the welfare reform bill, is following me! #honoured!!!

The individual doesn't have much power any more sadly, but it is important to utilise what little power we do have, to make our voice heard. I think it is disgusting what the govt are doing to disabled, sick and vulnerable people. I am not directly in control of that, and can't put a stop to it personally, but it makes me feel slightly better to voice my objections. If everyone voices their objections in the same place, such as an e-petition for example, those voices have more power collectively.

I called David C a pompous bully, and loads of people retweeted it. Snigger. To be fair, that was a generous evaluation of him...

Wow...Im gonna vote for you Mz f ..a life in politics for you maybe ???

The personal is political...

You seem to be very proactive with your hubby's job change now ..I guess for him too the idea is sinking in ..a lot of change going on and new energy being brought in...

keep that voice strong hun....power to the people!!! Yeah haaa...

Hugs ...

Diana ...the peoples princess ...lol. (and dog). Xxx

Hi again, you are so right about the waddle.

Had meeting with work yesterday, union couldn't attend at short notice and have agreed trial back next week. He was very negative and I think they will try to oust me but union well up on diasability issues so will make use of them. We often in the past worked well over our hours with way less than 11 hrs gap but maybe exception due to our job so hope works out for you guys as sounds like a good option.

Friend I saw the other day stood for local election a few years back and is very pro active around disability issues and another friend was a manager at Dis Cass for a few years so know there is much to be done, is a brilliant focus for you, I wish I had the energy but do follow stuff on line and add to my facebook.

Considering all the recent cr** you have had to deal with you sound in a good place and I do appreciate hearing from you.

xxx

Hi Freda,

Your post to re did quack me up. Lol

Take care keep fighting the good fight,

Blondie xx