Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda

First and foremost thanks for dropping by on my diary. It means a lot to know someone reads and empathises with my plight. People are strange including me, I guess.

Just thinking of a way to alleviate your boredom. Have you not thought about voluntary work as this sometimes leads to a job. Glad you self excluded as it does work.

Thanks again & Take care

Hi Smiler,

I am in a funny position regarding voluntary work. This is also part of the reason it frustrates me about my employer messing me about - I could be making valuable use of my time.

I applied for a voluntary job over 6 months ago, for a well known mature person's charity and they never got back to me, despite having chased them up about it. That kind of sucked. However, most voluntary jobs require a CRB check these days, which cost the charity money. Plus they take weeks, by which time I may be back at work and unavailable. So I am in a position where I could be waiting a few days, or weeks to be reappointed.

I keep meaning to drop in at the charity shop I worked in ages ago, as they may be able to use me straight away for as long as I have left. I haven't got round to it yet, as I think I am a bit lacking in confidence and depressed. It is actually DOING something about it that I am finding difficult.

However, I am proud of myself for pushing through that barrier the other night. It may sound like a small insignificant thing, but was a huge personal triumph for me. I have a relatively new friend, we have been occasionally going to the cinema or for coffee over the last 6 months or so. However, I still suffer from terrible shyness. She saw me get really upset last week, due to a number of things going wrong in my life. She said to call her any time if I fancied a chat. Well, normally I wouldn't go through with it, because I would be worried I was pestering her, or she hadn't really meant it. I forced myself to call anyway, and I am really proud of myself.

I really struggle with making friends and socialising. I worry that it will be awkward and I won't be able to think of anything to say. However, I am proud that I chipped away at that fear by making the call.

Today is day 74, and I will not gamble.

Hi Freda and a big well done on your gambling free time.. a good acheivement to be proud of.

Its hard isn't it.. filling the day when your not working. I remember only to well the periods in my life when ive been pottering about thinking.. what shall i do now?? .. and it kinda chipped away at my confidence as well.

It was suggested to me to make sure that i do atleast one positive thing a day and it doesn't have to be all work related.. going for a coffee and having a chat or going for a swim or some form of exercsie are all positive.

As for the house work.. well i don't do that whether my diary is full or not lol... though just these last few days ive been having a quiet word with myself to say "sort your flat out you lazy b*****d" lol... so who knows I may just do something.. 🙂

Anyway from what i can see your doing really well and in difficult times... keep going, life will settle down for you again just as it has for me. take care.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda,

Huge personal triumphs are the real key to getting through this massive fight that we all have on our hands.

Those triumphs may sound like small fry to other people but not to us. In my case, reaching the end of a 28 day short term target makes me feel really good (although I did say that it made me feel 'normal' in my diary!) and this to me is yet another stepping stone to becoming totally gamble free.

I agree, that you want to fill your days when you are not working. I am so lucky to have been able to fill all my working days in the past two decades with plenty to do but holidays are still a bit of a problem for me. Spending hours in front of the computer is not good so that is why I have started to take up jogging and riding my bike again.

Keep pushing for some voluntary work. Not only that will fill up your days and keep you occupied, it can only be good for your CV and your social circle will expand.

And more importantly, you are doing something very positive!

All the best and stay very positive,

GT

Thanks GT,

Well day 76 done and dusted.

It is at this point that I find it difficult to make this change long-term. I don't know why, other than I love gambling. I don't love the after effects of it of course!

I know I am a compulsive gambler, and that I cannot gamble within my limits. It is hard though. That is all I am saying.

Have no plans to gamble, but just not feeling confident that I can do this long term. I would love to pleasantly surprise myself though 🙂

Anyway, will keep plodding on and trying my best.

Hi Freda.. its when we start having them days that we just keep saying to ourselves.. just don't gamble for today.. not gambling today is all that matters.

I no exactly where your coming from though. Ive been going around the cycle you describe for years. Its like after a period of time of not gambling when the after effects are largely gone and forgotten that we start to question ourselves ie can we have a little gamble every now and again just "because" we love to gamble. But alas in my experience it "always" ends in disaster... ie no money and feeling like s**t. But like you say.. it is hard.. it is hard for sure.

I am doing my best to step off this merry go round once and for all. Day 87 for me... day 78 for you... keep going!.. S.A 🙂

Thanks SA

Yep, I sticking with you! I have been over 11 weeks without gambling, 2 more weeks is quarter of a year!

It is true what you say. I will stay within today, and just not gamble today.

Today was day 79 and I did not gamble.

Good for me!

Hi Freda,79 days gamble free is excellent,3 weeks today and you will have hit the 100.I would definately organise myself a treat for getting to the 100 as its so close now and you can do it.Keep up the excellent work and keep that great strength up that you are showing now.A big well done to you.

regards

Steven

Hi Freda.

It is great to see you approaching 100 days. I'm worried when you say that you do not think you can stick at it long term though. Why not?? Life is all about choices and you control your own destiny. I will readily admit to missing the buzz of gambling but i sure as hell do not miss the lying to my wife, the endless headaches, the lack of money, the stomach cramps and the crushed self-esteem.

Join the ex-gambling club FOREVER. It's the best club i have ever joined. Well joint best with the golf club but then i would say that!

High five Freda!

Thanks Curly,

I think it is just a lack of confidence in my own self, which will gradually improve I am sure.

I don't know its like saying I am confident I can resist chocolate for the rest of my life. My inner child is saying "don't wanna!" and chucking its toys out of the pram. Anyways, I am using the approach of 'I don't need to tackle that forever thing, just keep focusing on each day'. I am sure with a little more time in recovery, I will feel more confident. Was just honest about my feelings at this time.

I could never have imagined getting to the point where it is easy to not smoke cigarettes, 6 years ago. But I have! Just under estimating myself 🙂

Today is day 84, 12 weeks ago today I had my last gamble.

I am doing good with the recovery and feeling more confident, however, I am feeling funny due to an unrelated thing. hopefully this will pass within a couple of weeks.

Day 85! Had some good news yesterday, as I got offered a temporary job! It is only until after Christmas, but somewhere I think I can be really happy. May put me in a bit of a dilemma if the council finally get ready to offer me a start date, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Thing is, I know if I say I have to give my new employer 4 weeks notice, it will be easier for them to wait for me than recruit someone else from scratch - so hopefully, I would not have to drop my new employer in it without giving some decent notice.

Great stuff on the gamble free time and on the job Freda.. If its something that you think you will enjoy then go for it.. even if it is temp. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Day 87 - I will not gamble today!

I am feeling much less anxious than I have been lately, and it's a welcome change.

I was having a 'good' day yesterday, and someone tried to ruin it because they are not very pleasant. I was very proud of myself, because although I was a bit upset at first ( I'm only human ) I didn't let it spoil my day. She was a bully and I stood up to her - without raising my voice or being nasty back. Good for me!