HARMONY !

Yo,

Firstly I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart everyone who posted on my thread the last couple of days !

Secondly I would like to apologise for not replying on yours , but as you may of guessed I am going through quite an upheaval in my life at the moment and its taking everything and more out of me to deal with the issues going on.

I remember writing at one point that at times in life , it appeares that family , work , business, health, relationships and the problems surrounded them , become like all the leads behind my TV. A great big jumbled mess . Every lead intertwined with another and you need to take the time to unpick them, and then straighten each one out . Where by allowing you to deal with each one individually , there is no other way to unravel them all . And then look for solutions that they will not get that tangled up again . Lets not forget that once you throw gambling into the mix , you do not have a hope in hell of even considering looking behind the TV , cause to be honest you know it's not going to be a pretty sight , and if you just do not address it , it might go away on its own . But from experience I believe most of us know the opposite happens , it just tangles up even more .

I am starting to do that unravel the leads one by one , it's hard and needs patience and perseverance . As compulsive gamblers we want immediate answers , we wanted our debt sort out immediately , we wanted our relationship issues sorted , or for some we seeked death as a resolution to end our problems . A permanent solution to a temporally problem .

On my journey to try live in harmony with my addictive , compulsive personality , I am having to face issues that I had prevously swept under the carpet , or life as we know goes on and other issues arise , which then demand your attention .

But for me personally , I know that I must unravel the leads , unplug some and bin them .

Those are my thoughts this very cold Thursday morning , I will post back to you all when as Smiler used say my rucksack is not bulging at the seams .

To you all stay well , stay strong !

Just for today

Shiny xxxxxx

You came back to the right place to untangle those wires as it ensures that you don't blow a fuse as it gets tighter and tighter..

You have more patience than I have Hun...I just pull all the plugs out and then come back to it when I've calmed down ..!!! lol

Dump your trash on here ...good to have to company whilst you're working it through.

R and D xx

Morning shiny

Been a while since I wrote those words and to be honest never thought I would again , good on u to realise the dangers and av that fountain of knowledge to make the right decisions and do what's right for u

Life will always throw problems at us thats just life its how we deal with them when they come , its the not dealing with them that causes the problems

Anyhow personally for me its lovely to see u back and will always be eternally grateful for all ur support

Will always be here for u as much as little as u want

Castle2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfvrP2-oP4U&sns=em

Just for you xx

Shiny

a year ago today my dear friend Dusty shared a bar of chocolate with me, honoured i hid a few lines away for a rainy day.

You know where to find it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

Decided to tell you what's going on me life :

1) sadly my dad has end stage cancer , due to the fact he is blind and wishes to have his care at home , well as his prime carer for the last 4 years , you get the picture .

2) I have told my husband it's over between us , we have decided to sell the shop ( which is evaporating my personal earnings at the moment ) , and I have told him once sold I will start a life on my own . But that may take upto a year . Which is uncomfortable for obvious reasons

3) work well they have dispionted me , I have asked 3 times about unpaid leave to care for my dad ( who is the most fantastic guy in the world) and they are unable or reluctant to give me an answer . Which to be honest sucks .

4 ) work again we are not meeting our targets so as Mr Castle has mentioned on more than one occations we are under the microscope . Which for any one who has been there , and the words performance management start to get bantered around , you will understand that presure upon you builds . Because performance management more often than not results in dismissal .

Not that I am being performance managed , but at times like this , just the mention of those two words puts the fear of god in the whole team .

So all in all , life at the moment is not great .

At home or at work . I am aware as I said yesterday that I need to deal with each one , individually .

Although at times that is not so easily defined , I do know though that I am at the highest risk of gambling than I have been in the last 2 years , to seek that escape( that was the reason that I gambled before ). It was never about money for me , it was to imerse myself , in something other than my life . Staring at a roulette wheel did that . But as many of you know in the end it resulted in my break down , me running away and over a month spent in rehab to start to repair the damage ( which gambling on the whole had caused ) to my mental health .

I know in the passage of time all the above will have reached their outcome , and my life will not be so full on . I also know that sticking £20 in a FOBT will solve nothing , and set me on the road to distruction . But just to be on the safe side ..........

Once again I feel the need to end by saying :

Just for today

Shiny xxx

Hey Shiny..

Well ,what can i say? ...

Thats a lot to be dealing with right now ..but you will deal with it and you won't have to do it all alone.

All your jigsaw pieces now being shuffled some by your wishes some not but I promise they will fall Into place one by one...but it will take time and we will be here while you go through the process of grief and loss.

Day at a time..minute at a time ...whatever it takes,...all I would say is please do consider some counselling or some regular support that is neutral and where you can talk without guilt or worry ..

(((((S)))))

R and D xxx

....don't go missing now ...gonna keep my beady eye out xx

Hi Shiny

I hope you read this message although I have no answers. Just to say I am going well and had a few rough rides in the past few months. Things have a way of panning out and my HP really does watch over me. Please take care and rightly said one day at a time is all any one of us have.

Hey Shiny,

I'm sorry to hear about your beloved dad and what a crock that you cannot get the time you need to give him the care he needs at this time. That really sucks. Sounds like soo many changes and challenges all at once. You did the right thing coming back and getting it all down in your diary. There are no expectations that you write on others diaries -- what matters now is your sanity. Do whatever it takes girl. We are all here today for the very same reason. One day, one hour, one minute at a time friend. Here for you. -joanxxx

Hi Shiny,

Sending you a massive virtual ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

my dear friend. ;0)

Keep strong and keep plugging away.

Much love

MW. xx

Yo,

Thank you all for your posts , prob in a day or two I will need to delete that post , as you know I worry about my anonymity , but felt the whole cryptic thing was a bit tooooooo cryptic .

I have replied on your threads well all except smiler .

Cheers mate , good to hear you are ok, your post meant a lot to me . I often think of you , and know that we have both had quite an impact on each others recovery , so a post from you really lifted me and gave me that little bit of an extra boost that I needed .

Shiny xxxxx

shiny.

glad to read that through recovery you put your priorities in the correct order.

It shows you learnt alot.

to accept the things you cannot change, to change the things you can and the wisdom to understand the difference.

i know it Will help.

Take care of yourself, do what you have to do, with honour.

stepping forward never back.

Duncs.compulsive gambler No bet today.

Hey Shiny...

At least we have an edit button back now so you can delete your posts ..

Understandable with all thats going on right now and you probably not having much privacy.

Thank you for my birthday wishes too..and kind words..probably not so much intuitive but just nosey? lol ...just kidding ...

anyhoooo ..don't stray too far ....we have 2 new words to add to our repotoire....G******e and shiteola....feel free to use these expressions liberally...lol

R and D xx

Yo miss shiny pants,

I wish I could put my arms round you and tell you everything will be alright and I'm sure you can't see that yet but in a strange way it will be. I'm so so sorry to hear about your dad, on that one I can nod my head and no how that feels, all I can say is I know you will do the very best for him and love and care for him like the kind caring loving person you are.

I think more than ever you probably realise that work will always be there when we are long gone and the corperate cogs keep turning , do what is best for you right now and fight for the support you need from them, they owe you big time.

Keep posting shiny, you are safe here. Don't forget in all of this shitola to take care of YOU.

Chin up kiddo we are behind you all the way.

Love blondie

Xxxxxxxxx