Hope

Day 372 comes to an end and not a penny gambled in that time.

Thanks everyone. I will get back to you all soon enough.

Its been a good day, considering its a Monday. Work went smoothly enough.

Another 7 mile run tonight. According to Garmin watch I did a Personal best for 1 mile and 5km. So am pleased with that.

No thoughts of gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

P.s Its great running weather. Make the best of it I will before winter proper sets in.

Day 373... struggling today. But more because am knackered I think than anything else. Just struggling to be around people and when supporting people is your job, it makes it hard. No gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA...

Keep breathing....few more days and it's weekend..

I am surprised to see many people feeling down...i felt it really strong on Sunday...but as we say..every day is different and we are moving forward..Slowly but surely we will find our path..

Look after yourself and take it easy ..have some rest..

Sandra x

H

A

L

T

Hungry? Angry ?Lonely? Tired?

Make sure you are non of the above then it soon will pass ..

R and D xxx

Day 374 gambling free.

Thanks both. Your spot on Rach. I was tired and probably pretty dehydrated after having done the equivalent of a half-marathon on Sunday and then 7 miles on Monday after a days work! A foolish thing to have done really, but I can be very impulsive at times ie saying to myself "I have to run because the weather is good".

What I find is that when am tired this then feeds into a depressive state of mind and a wanting to withdraw from the world and escape into my own thoughts and feelings and before I know it my whole world seems like a pile of pooh.. when in reality its not that bad

I feel better today simply because I didn't run yesterday. I did a steady 5km tonight but no more. I gotta look after myself and that not only means not gambling it also means not over-exercising amongst a load of other stuff am sure.

Anyway work was ok today. No dramas. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Just catching up with my buddies and happy to read you're doing great still 🙂

I must admit that I get knackered just reading about your running- I'm def build for comfort and not distance or speed lol.

Glad to read that work's OK at the moment-like you, I really have learned to enjoy and appreciate the "ok" times and relish the "no drama" days.

Take care

Irene

x

Day 375 gambling free.

Ive been trying to catch up with a few diaries, but my grey matter just isn't up to the task today. But ive red a bit and will get back to folk when it happens. In the meantime I send positive vibes to all.

Its been a long day. Phone call at the *** of dawn, someone off sick, can I...bla bla.. yes ok I says.. bla bla. I seem to do the things that other people don't want to do. Today I didn't mind.

Some people get sick at my work cos they smoke and do no exercise. I am not one of them and for that I am eternally grateful.

Tomorrow is pay day and I still have money in the bank. When I don't gamble pay day comes and goes without it being a "big event". Its just another months wage with which I will pay my way, live my life and save a little for a rainy day and for my future. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi SA, great to see you rack up a year. I know life hasn't been the easiest for you, but you are doing great. Keep running.....(as you know I run too, I've almost picked it up as replacement for gambling) . Take care Russ

Day 376 gambling free and thanks Russ.

Difficult day at work. Found it hard to manage myself and my emotions but I coped well enough. Its a difficult job I do. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Thanks for the post SA

And yes..if your a nice person sadly you get played like a fiddle by people who are takers and steered into position.

The shock is how calculated they can be and their intent..they are long game players and probably have no idea what it's like to live a life dealing straight.

I am chuffed to bits that you are over a year g free and still doing the work of recovery...I hope the new year will bring some new energy in and maybe some nice surprises..

I'm definitely toughening up and realise that being nice comes at a huge price.

R and D xxx

Hey SA,

I'm sure you do your best at work and hope soon that will be recognized. If not - f**k them:-)

Keep searching SA.....

Good stuff on g free time...keep it going 😉

S x

Day 377 gambling free... and thanks both 🙂

I am a nice person a decent person an honest person an honourable person that's for sure.. which doesn't really cut it in the circles that that I move in. These qualities are not seen as positives to be admired but character traits to be exploited and taken advantage of.

Most people I know live on the edge and have spent their whole lives using people in order to get what they want in the moment. Most people I know are really quite f***** up.

However the flip side to this is that once you scratch beneath the surface it is me who has the strength of character, not them. I come to realise that some folk are quite envious of me. It is hard to explain. I talk in riddles a little.

I might be a little soft on the outside but on the inside I am growing sturdy and strong. I am a survivor.

No gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

So,your like a boiled sweet in reverse SA...soft on outside and harder in the middle..lol

I'm also made this way around too...the biggest lesson to come out of this is I have been too nice and too soft.

You are 100% right in that if your nice you are exploited. I have also encountered jealousy from others when I was nice, they would try and claw me down to their level and would get angry at me and call me an idiot if I helped people.

Even at school I was nice ,have always shared information even let people copy me in exams , didn't withhold information to get ahead nor was I competitive in the traditional sense.

I don't have a scarce or impoverished mentality so I'm not a hoarder and I share freely. You find with mean spirited people they feel a sense of loss from giving whereas I always felt a sense of expanse and addition from giving.

They are tight with money,time,emotion,expression and essentially piggy back energy off others as they have no power to generate their own.

They also have a huge sense of entitlement and get angry if they are not given to and feel angry if ignored as they associate it with deprivation and feel being ignored as a physical sensory pain...

They are blood suckers...Vampyr...the undead! Parasites feeding off the lifeblood of others....Mwhahahahahah

Boils down to 2 things..

There are givers and takers in life...stick with your own kind xxx

Day 377 continues...

Thanks rach,"boiled sweet in reverse", like it 😉

I had a good run this morning, 10 miles with hill work towards the end. Am making sure I drink tonnes of fluids. The more I analyse my dodgy eyesight and weird feelings after exercise the more I think its simply dehydration.

Sometimes my body doesn't tell me it needs more water until its too late. I feel fine at the moment because am drinking water when normally I wouldn't bother.

Internal debate going on as to whether to go to beer festival with work mate. Am undecided. I feel the need to be vaguely social, but no great desire to go on a drinking session. I said i'd go yesterday but am close to pulling out. He will go anyway. he's a big drinker and gambler. Not great. Dilemmas.

Thinking about scarce or impoverished mentalities.... makes my blood boil folk who have a huge sense of entitlement. I avoid these folk like i'd avoid the plague.

All for now. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 377 still continuing...

I went to the beer festival just to have a little look around but not to drink and then texted mate to say I wouldn't be going. The bottom line is that am not a conossieur of beer and more to the point I didn't want to stand around with a bunch of bot bellied middle aged blokes getting drunk. He didn't reply which made me think he wasn't going anyway. I got a haircut, ate a bag of chips, went to Asda and then home. Another exciting Saturday comes to a close.

In times past with nothing much planned i'd of gone gambling. The trigger being boredom. I don't do that now. In truth am quite relieved am not drinking, cos that's another trigger to my gambling. Its good that I cope with free time without gambling. I have broken that pattern of behaviour. I just need to maintain it.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂