Hope

Day 382 with not a penny gambled. I appreciate the support folks 🙂

I really feel my strength of character today. There are many muppets at my work..am talking about the staff. Its like... "stay with the clients", interact with the clients, engage with the clients and then (shock horror) they don't "kick off".

I went out to the shops with some clients and came back to a war zone.. it was almost farcical. Ignore your clients at your peril. Muppets! It didn't really phase me as iv'e seen it all before... strangely am feeling quite good, maybe a little smug, cos the big boss actually got to see what happens when it all goes t**s up... so maybe something positive will come from it.

Anyway all is fine on the not gambling front. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 382 continues.... mood has dropped like a stone. I feel like breaking point is fast approaching with my job. Had a little look for new work, but found nothing really, I guess this is the way it is so close to Christmas.

Why does everything just feel so utterly relentless. I need to sleep. good night... S.A

SA

My friend first and foremost a huge well done on your continued abstinence.

The efforts you put into your job are to be commended too.

The world is full of muppets, I can tell you rise above that.

Fella for it be proud, the boss may well see more than you think??

The great thing for me is however you are feeling, at work your bar is set.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey SA,

Thanx for your post...I know what you mean about being off sick...This is my 4th? time in 10 years...one was because of a car accident where i had to take 2 weeks off...( not my intention, some freak went into me)...i think i am quite close to ur thinking about work....we do think we are needed...actually ...we are my friend...some places only recognize it after we go...that's the way it goes i'm afraid. If one don't appreciate your job...the other will..

keep looking dear fighter...

And be proud !!!

Sandra x

Hi S.A,

Thanks for dropping in. Your post made me a little sad but, helped me to remember those humiliating moments. The ones I tend to forget. Some days I need a healthy dose of reality to keep me on that sane path. So thanks again and much appreciated. -joanxxx

Day 383, with not a penny gambled on any form of gambling.

Thanks people 🙂

Its Friday. Yipeee! Another working week comes to a close. No drama's at work today. As so often happens... a really s**t day is followed by a better day.

Anyway am off for a swim, sauna and then maybe "a" pint. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA

Just posted and lost into cyber space.

Glad you are feeling better today ..

What i posted was..

Number 1 ...you went out and when you came back it was mayhem..you didn't cause it , you can't control it and you can't cure it...the 3 c's = no guilt.

Number 2 ...you took some clients out a few weeks ago..a calculated risk as you said but all came back ok.

Rachie Synopsis..there is 1 person doing their job correctly and for the right intention and a lot of *** takers...

I am sad that special needs clients loose good folks like you are they are vulnerable. I also can identify in my own job and work as mine also requires high personal integrity and yet the pay is not commensurate with the level of responsibility I take. I also understand self preservation.

R and D xxxx

Day 384...

Makes much sense what you say Rach. No guilt for sure. I am a good support worker. They are lucky to have me for the wages that they pay.

Am feeling ok today, some residule low level stress still festers but ive spent most of my life that way and I manage it now.

I had a lovely swim and sauna last night. They've installed this under water lighting which makes the whole place look quite surreal. I had some chats with the regulars which was nice and then one strong ale afterwards whilst listening to some tribute band in the bar area.

Am just living an ordinary life and that's ok. Far better an ordinary life than a gamblers life. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

SA

Fella it is such a pleasure to read that normality is delivering something better than your gambling life did, I am also glad to read your self respect regarding the job you do grows, I guess the life of a carer is not really about the financial gain but the gifting to others less fortuatous than us and not in a financial way I believe a forefilling one for you.

You do take the good that it gives over the bad days with some of the folk who maybe work for the financial gain. A great shame but something I see in many walks of life.

I hope out of this we get to share your long term goals, a year of continued abstinence under your belt, maybe time to enjoy the picture of further long term abstinence and the opportunities that will gift you.

Somebody asked me where I want to be in five years time? this week, which set the cogs turning, something I think will pay attention to,with the cycle of the gambling life abated, that short term outlook it brought with it, living from one wage packet to the next does certainly inhibit any long term outlook.

Yes each day we do need to address the here and now.

To abstain and maintain.

Be proud that you can see the road ahead.

something you earnt the right to view.

Thanks for sharing, it really does help.

Regards

duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 385 with not a penny gambled in that time.

Thanks Duncs and interesting what you say about short term versus long term. Deferring instant gratification for something more wholesome and something more meaningful. Having a plan is certainly something that helps recovery and then enjoying the journey whilst following the plan.

Developing ones life plan is hard though, at least I find it hard. I can get through the day without gambling but where is my journey taking me..? I don't really know. In the meantime I simply carry on carrying on and trying not to do stuff which is self-destructive and succeeding for the most part. My journey continues...

I didn't know whether I wanted to run today. I woke with blocked nose and slight headache. If I didn't go for a run it would have been the first weekend without a run for a long time. Anyhow after consulting my mate google and asking him "To run when ill?"... he came back and said yes cos the rule of thumb is (apparently)..if its above the shoulders then run anyway..so I did.

I was not long out the door and this woman come and run past me... doing quite a pace she was...under 8 minutes miles I reckon and me doing 8.45 pace. 2.5 hours later after I had finished my run and was just coming out of Asda she ran past me again, doing the same pace!!... awesome!! and get this she is a good decade older than me, maybe more.

Makes me think.. my best running days are still ahead of me. Glad I went for my run, makes me feel alive. helps me forget my worries and troubles for a while. gets the old happy hormones going.

Its good to be active and doing stuff isn't it? I find when I do nothing, its then that I start to dwell on my life or start to get stressed about work. Its then that my mood drops and I start to feel depressed. I find it hard to just "be" and not get low in mood though occasionally I manage it. I find it hard to simply be happy.

Abraham Lincoln said that for most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. Is this true? Answers on a postcard.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA,

And so true post!! Sometimes when i read your posts it seems like i was writing them myself, really got a lot in common overcoming daily life and this addiction...Like today, I have cold too but made myself to go for another run..Fantastic!!!

Great feeling isn't it? Really helps to get all the stress and bad emotions out, and as you say gets happy hormones going through ur body again 🙂

All i can say - Keep it up my friend!!!

Sandra x

Hi SA,

I like today's post, and I agree about the creation of long term goals as well as avoiding gambling in the short term. I know I'm just two months out, but the optimism of not gambling is making me realise quite how miserable and depressed that gambling makes you. Not that I'm always cheerful and positive all the time, but at least there are periods of that, as opposed to the constant black cloud of gambling.

My dad was running well into his fifties and completing marathons at a reasonable pace, so I wouldn't be surprised if your best running days are ahead. One weird quirk I always found when I ran with him is that he was quick over the downhill, while I always hated running downhill and loved running uphill, so he would stretch away from me as we ran away from the house, and i'd always catch up with him on the way back.

All the best,

Ryan

Hey SA

At the the end of the day...( it gets dark 🙂 ) seriously though happiness is a subjective thing and based on subjective criteria ...

For me "happiness" is when my insides match my outsides...

The acquisition of Knowledge is my equivalent to your running.

I am never happier than when I am researching and bettering my own knowledge and breaking through the completion line ( lightbulb/ eureka moment )to get to a place of satisfaction.

One gained I am then set the challenge know more...

My body will never blow up but my brain might one day as it's always running .I am consistently bettering my own time to get to the eureka moment and not satisfied unless I am striving for more knowledge ...As an analogy , I am doing a psychological jigsaw puzzle with the meter ticking no time to waste.

If I had learned chess I would have been better at life..as I would have played with human pieces in an unemotional strategic manner..as specimens in a jar...

sadly I have had one failing...being a nice person .

🙁

R and D xx rewriting the blue- print.

Day 386 and thanks everyone.

Am feeling positive today. Work went smoothly and I feel like I have achieved in helping and supporting others. I have a sense of satisfaction.

I think I am at my happiest when I am doing and achieving; be it running, be it helping others either at work or in my personal life.

Everything else just seems a bit pointless (gambling, drinking as examples) with no sense of satisfaction or achievement.... just hangovers financial and physical. When all is said and done they were/are things to do to fill voids or to escape difficult times and feelings.

I too have a thirst for knowledge and understanding Rach, but I am too much of a dreamer at present. I read snippets of this and that without digging deeper. I skim the surface rather than go deep. I like the idea of being a book worm but I seldom read a whole book or even buy a book. I surf the web and stumble across stuff that interests me in the moment and then move on.

Anyway, things to do and more dreams to dream. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA

Just called by to check up on you 🙂

Smiling as I read today's positive post. Keep dreaming SA.....you will achieve your goals!

Take care

Irene

x

You know I've stopped counting days....I'm relying on yours being accurate cos I still sometimes feel the need to know!