Hope

Big congratulations on getting to 400 days without a penny spent on gambling. It may have been a near miss the other night when you had a drink but you deserved that bit of luck, just shows how close we all are to that first bet too.

Undoubtedly your job is mentally, emotionally and physically draining. Very few people could manage to do what you do day in day out. You must have resilience which mirrors you're long distance running. Believe in yourself more, you can achieve anything you set out to do, just needs a plan. Have a nice Christmas and I hope 2014 treats you well.

Steve

Day 404 gambling free.

Christmas comes and goes once more. Nice to see the family, all went just fine.

Back to work this morning almost as if I never left. Feeling cold and depressed.

I need a plan and self-belief that's for sure Lazarus. I can't go on as I am

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA

Just a wee pop in to say Merry Christmas (albeit a wee bit late!)!

Glad to read that you had a fine time. Wishing you all the best for the New Year.

Take care

Irene

x

Day 404 continues... Thanks Irene 🙂

s**t day at work. I struggled in myself and even though I managed to skive off early and get dropped home I couldn't enjoy the moment because the guilty feelings set in. texted mate at work who replied saying I didn't finish work until 4.30 and I couldn't work out whether he was joking or not.. so angst set in. I shouldn't really give a flying f**k cos of all the times ive not got paid for overtime... but me being me I do.

Am really f*****g tired and out of sorts... why they couldn't just close the centre for one f*****g week over exmas and new year... give the staff a break like most normal companies. But no its all money money money. Its the same with the f*****g shops...open all hours all days... maximise profits at all costs. My thoughts go out to shop workers.

s**t w**k and ***.

No gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

Happy Christmas and New Year to you my friend SA!

I agree with you SA wholeheartedly! These companies are so f*****g greedy.. and there are virtually no rewards for working these extra days when most other companies are closed.

I am a retail worker by the way! Open most holidays when other places are closed except Christmas and Easter Day.. and we have to work a set number of bank holidays a year with no extra pay bonus just another day in lieu!

On a positive note though S.A working in these s**t jobs makes you really enjoy your precious time off like nobody's business. Which the people with all the perks and fat cats will never appreciate like us!

All the best and chin up,

From Awayout

Hey SA,

I hope you get some well deserved rest and sleep and will wake up with more positivity for the day...maybe run will ease ypur stress a bit? Here and listening SA, take good care of yourself

Sandra x

P.s. great achievement on g free time..keep it up my friend!! 🙂

Day 405 with not a penny gambled in that time.

Thanks both... I appreciate the support 🙂

I feel slightly better this morning. I think my stress levels have come down one notch. I was sitting in the sauna then spa pool at 9.30 last night. It was just what I needed. It helped me calm myself a bit. Am gearing up for a long run this morning.. lets see what I can achieve...

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

S.A.

Thanks for your recent support on my diary. I haven't posted much but just wanted to say thanks.

Been loaded with the cold for a week so not managed a run in that time. I hope to be out running soon.

Tomso.

Day 405 continues...

..thanks for your thoughts Tomso. Stuff I read says that if your feeling out of sorts from the neck upwards, go running anyway, just slow down a bit. Anyway as you say, I hope your running soon.

As it happens am just back from an awesome run... 15 miles in 2 hours 15 mins... bang on 9 minute miles and this included some uphill stretches. Dead chuffed I am. Bring on a spring marathon. Sub 4 hours is not totally out of reach if I train hard.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

S.A.

I am a little jealous of your 15 mile run. Sounds amazing. You can defo break the four hour mark by spring if you can do 15 miles at 9 min miles. Good for you.

Tomso.

Day 405 continuing....

Well maybe Tomso, my history says that I hit the wall at or before 20 miles and then I slow dramatically. It helps having a garmin satellite watch this time, cos now I know exactly what speed and distance I am covering. Its a good motivator. The bottom line though is pounding the streets as I need to maintain decent mileage week in and week out and lose a little weight and get my body use to burning fat as an energy source, which it will have to do after 3 hours plus running. I do enjoy it though, its one of my few pleasures in life. Everything else feels pretty s**t to be honest.

My thoughts slowly starting to turn to designing an exit strategy from current job. I really can't hold out much longer but am in such a "funk" about what comes next. Part of me wants a break from work, simples... but then as always.. its the money thing. Whilst I am well ahead on my rent and have a little savings and no debts.. I still need to earn something. I need to be active on the job search and not just talk about being active on the job search. trouble is I don't know what I want to do and as I say part of me after the stress of the last 3 years in this job, wants to do nothing for a bit... just run and relax and de-stress. I have only myself to support, no kids to think about, no debts to service. Am just thinking aloud.

I also have thoughts about going part time or asking for a transfer to somewhere less stressful. Just thoughts swimming around my head. I went through much the same in my previous job. First I went part-time and then I left. I was out of work for 3 months and then I started where I currently am.

Repeating patterns of behaviour, hard to break. I notice some people seem to find it so easy to go from one job to the next. I don't though. I stick with what I do although it makes me miserable. I suppose if your a chef or something and you don't like where you work you just go and be a chef somewhere else. But for me I don't really want to be a support worker somewhere if am honest, but ive got to do something. earn a crust and pay my taxes and contribute to society. I couldn't do what my mate continues to do and that's stay on incapacity benefit (or whatever its now called) for as long as he can.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Day 405 still continues...

Why is it that quitting is often perceived as failing? As a society, we cheer on the person who keeps going even when things are tough.

What if, quitting is absolutely the right thing to do?

What about the need to feel good about ones decision to walk away when it no longer feels right?

SA

for me, quitting is failing. Taking a different approach, tackling things from a new angle, deciding on a different route or strategy is all fine.

I don't like to use the term quitting or giving up. Winning is everything, second is nowhere. But you cannot fail if you did not set out to succeed.

Day 406 gambling free... and thanks Captain.

For me I don't feel like Ive failed in my job. In fact I know I haven't. I have succeeded. Its just its time to move on now. I am burnt out. Time to let go. I am going through a process in my thoughts and the end result will be exiting stage left.

End of the year fast approaching. No gambling this year. One incident that could have led to disaster but it didn't. A little annoyed with myself for getting so drunk and making myself so vulnerable to gambling but hey ho what is done is done. I usually have 3 or 4 incidents of drunkenness in a year and this year it was just one... so progress for sure.

I don't mean to be hard on myself but I still don't feel like I am recovering though. I am abstaining. I am treading water. I am stable. I am coping... or rather this year I have coped but when it comes to changing my life and how I live it.. am still stuck. I still feel like am continuously head butting a wall. No eureka moment... no event that changes everything... no shift in thinking.... still depressed.

Ive not given up hope though. Keep on going, keep on living day by day. keep on running. Keep on writing. Thanks for listening... S.A

S.A.

Fella I take a great deal from your thread because for me it gifts the reader a great deal, but expects little or nothing in return.

I will today take the words of the honourable Smiler.

" be kind to yourself "

Your life today reads for me like you are running in the right direction. Not the wrong one, you face the obstacles with humility and a refreshing honesty.

For that I salute you.

Duncs stepping forward never back.