Hope

Hi sa,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi, hope that Christmas shopping is all done now and you can start to wind down for the break

Take care of yourself and keep on doing what your doing, 396 days fantastic.

Blondie x

Hi SA

Just wanted to pop in and wish you a happy christmas.Congratulations on your year gamblefree.i know your gamblefree days add up to a lot more than that,and thanks for all your help over the years especially as your first post convinced me to kick start my recovery.All the best Jeff.

Day 397 gambling free. Thank you all 🙂

A tough old week at work, especially today. In the absence of management the negative aspects of peoples characters comes through. You get to see where people stand on the selfish to selfless continuum and the psychological game playing becomes rampant. Add to the mix some incompetence and you have chaos. I want to do is cry but I don't.

All I want to do is do my job to the best of my abilities and go home. If I have a laugh in the process then that's a bonus.

Anyway, whilst the rest of the world seems to be down the pub tonight, I think a swim and sauna for me. I suspect if I go drinking I will want to gamble, just like last Saturday so I look after myself by not drinking as my frame of mind is not good.

Writing here and now feels like therapy. I feel myself starting to calm a little. No gambling, cos my world gets much worse when I gamble. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 397 comes to an end.

Just to illustrate how crazy things can get at my work. This is what a current member of staff wrote about the just left team leader.. on facebook...!

Had the best ever news on Monday but would love to meet one more time so i could knock you out cause you were the s**m of the earth two faced back stabbing evil thing that walked the earth,if only those who are no longer there knew what you said about them cause all who are still there know the truth you deserve nothing but misery hope you get it......we are now strong and happy and great together we are now a TEAM.....

Gee... I would never write something like that, even if I didn't like them or get on with them. We are all so different from each other aren't we.

I had nice swim and sauna and a Chinese take away. No gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

Blimey ....not even I in my most be-atch mode would write that ...and that's saying something.!

Wow...sounds like a tinder box at your place SA but maybe it's the time of year. Seeing extremes at the moment of people either being super nice or super nasty.

Short fuses eh..

Sauna and swim sounds 100% better than getting ratted to me 🙂

R and D. Xxx

Day 398 with not a penny gambled in that time. Always good to state clearly ones gambling status as it is I think. If I do gamble even if just a lottery ticket I will come clean. Honesty, best policy.

Thanks Rach 🙂

Christmas shopping all but done. He withdraws the money out the cash point and buys what he needs to buy and has money left over to buy stuff for turkey dinner tomorrow with mates and a few beers tonight with an old friend.

This is only possible because I haven't gambled for a decent length of time. I can live a normal life even on next to minimum wage but only if I don't gamble.

Its not easy mind. Some how when I write it down in print it makes it look like I now have a wonderful life... but in reality I don't. Am stressed out and worried for my own future much of the time but the important thing is that I am living life on lifes terms. I am facing my reality, head held high, most of the time.

I am maturing at long last with just the occasional cheeky look back to childlike ways. I am not perfect. progress not perfection. I no longer have any desire to be a perfectionist.. to have an all or nothing mentality (usually nothing). I am ready to move forward... I don't want to slip back. I want to be good to myself. It is not easy. It is hard. but it is the way. he rambles.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Have a lovely evening reaping the rewards of all your hard work.

xxx

Hi S.A,

Just wanting to say that I just loved that last post! The gambling demon at bay -- Shopping done with a little left over for turkey and a few cold ones with a friend. That sounds like living to me brother! 😀 Enjoy!!! -joanxxx

Hey SA,

That last sentence of your last post resonates with me. I want to be good to myself, but it's hard. For me gambling was the punishment in many ways, and trying not to do that does leave sort of a void.

Anyhow, hope you have a nice festive season, and that you get to January still on the straight and narrow.

All the best

Ryan

Day 399 gamble free. Thankyou you lovely people 🙂

I was supposed to be going out last night, but old friend cancelled again... It was something about he had to travel down earlier than expected to his brothers for exmas. I think he just didn't want to go out and he didn't have the balls to say so. So what did I do instead you might ask??

Well, I went out and ran a half-marathon and as soon as I was off it absolutely tipped it down and the wind nearly blew me off my feet. Loved it!...absolutely loved it I did!! 2 hours and 3 mins of joy... and it didn't cost me a penny... mad in I 😉

Other matters. I can't hold out for much longer in my job. My history says I reach breaking point and then I just quit with nout to go to and then a period of panic and crisis sets in and then gambling becomes an option. Its a worry. It don't mean to say that history will repeat itself yet again but when ive had enough of something ive had enough. Time to find a new job!

Thanks for listening... S.A

P.s I'd had enough of this job as soon as I started it 3 years ago. Why o why do I stick with things that make me unhappy. I am worth more than this.

P.s.s I completed my Nvq3 (subject to their moderation or something)... so ive achieved something.

P.s.s.s Ive made a difference to many peoples lives over the last 3 years, so that's good.

Yo,

Thank you for your post .

And at the same time thank you for giving me the insight that for me has been the defining factor in my decision making . The day you explained to me about ultra sensitive people and the research I did on the subject was a real urika moment for me , and showed me a was not mad and pointed me in the direction I now take . What will I do about my daughter ? Not sure but I will find an answer .

Sorry to hear that you really feel the time has come to move on in your work, and have no doubt you will be deeply missed . But as hard as it is to bite the bullet , the stress ect that it causes , in the long term it's worth it . For your own peace of mind .

You take care ,

Shiny xxxxx

Hey SA,

Good work on the half marathon - if you want someone to confirm you are indeed mad, then yes. Then again, pretty much every long distance runner has to have at least two personalities to keep the internal conversation while running interesting!

I've been there after quitting a job with nothing else to go to, it ain't easy, but maybe you could start the job search asap? Also - maybe its time to take that holiday? There'll be plenty of cheap places at this time of year, and plenty of filthy weather to run to in some lovely surroundings too. I used to travel loads when I was younger and had money, and I totally intend to as the financial situation improves.

All the best, and hope you make the choice that's right for you. Even if other people think its a bad decision, their opinion should always be secondary to your own.

Cheers

Ryan

Hi S,A

Hope the job hunting goes well and with a lot less stress involved, have a great xmas and new year, thanks for all your support this year

Castle2

Hey SA,

Really big inspiration and proof that things can change if you want it a lot.

Thank you for your continued support i am lucky to meet you here and share my journey with you 🙂

Very Merry Xmas SA, shall it brings you peace and happiness..you surely deserve it all 🙂

Sandra x

Day 400 without a penny gambled on any form of gambling. Another small milestone in a life times journey.

Thanks for your support everyone and happy Christmas 🙂

Christmas presents wrapped for another year. I don't know why I find buying and wrapping presents such an ordeal, but I do. I think its what it all symbolises, an emptiness within perhaps.

Work went smoothly enough. A new starter today. What a time to start, right before exmas. He's a young man with a young family so I guess money is critical. he seems like a nice bloke. It doesn't change how I feel about the job. Time for me to exit stage left as soon as. Anyway enough of that for now.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂