Hope

Hi SA,

Thank you for your post. Most appreciated.

Keep doing what you doing and making the right choice....and running of course 🙂

Mind and body free of poison.

Well done and thank you for sharing

Sandra x

Day 406 comes to a close and thanks friends 🙂

Another 7 miles in the bag, that's 40 for the week. I feel myself starting to get fitter. Running keeps me sane, just about.

Otherwise am depressed. Just spent 2 hours trying to get my webcam to work so I can take a photo of myself for a job site. I deserve better than what I do and what I put up with. I have little self-belief at this moment in time that I can better myself. Also staring at 4 walls feeling lonesome. Its all s**t. Am falling. Goodnight.. S.A

P.s No gambling.

P.s.s ... and then the job site says I can have a free CV review.. so I put in all my details and attach my Cv but then low and behold the sting in the tail, they actually want £12.99 to review by email and its only free if you phone them in work hours. Everything is just a ****** con isn't it.. designed to get ya money. Its just s**t.

Quitting isn't failing SA ...it's liberating ...

Nature hates a vacuum so what ever you give up that does not serve the person you are now will be filled with the good stuff.

This doesn't happen overnight but you have started the process.

Xxx

Hi S.A,

Sounds to me like you are striding in the right direction. You feel fit. That's a good thing. Allow yourself to wallow in that feeling for a good while. Seems like you start feeling good and then some inner elf starts tormenting you about not being good enough about something else. Eff that little elf. You are taking steps to make changes. That's a good thing too. Rooting you on S.A. I along with many others on here I am sure have tons of belief in you. You haven't stooped to gamble in 406 freeking days. That's awesome man! 🙂 -joanxxx

S.A.

Fella can't you take a picture on your phone and upload it??

Lol

This is known as a selfie!! The information was gifted by my youngest son. As I do not know one end of a computer from another!! Good God I had to ask what a webcam was!!

Sounds like something the steg would have lol.

Seriously my friend you have a plan enjoy it.

Yes you should be nervous but excited too.

You are making the change you want.

Keep on running!!!

Any other computer info ask rach!!

With strength and honour

Duncs.

Hi, S.A,

a chemistry professor once told us that nature is quite boring...Maybe there is some truth in that?

Been reading your diary and I may just start jogging again in the new year.

Take care.

Easy Li£e.

Hey SA,

Hope you have a better day today and not much stress. Coming by to wish you happy New Year and may your hopes, wishes and dreams comes true!!!

Keep searching for that better place to work in, you are great worker and team member. Never give up your hopes 🙂

Take care

Sandra x

P.s. well done for your continued abstinence

Day 408 gambling free. Thanks folks.. am not in a good or sober place to respond to your comments

at the moment

Another s**t day at work.. several clients at their worst, doing my fruit in they were.. then a client kicked off cos of incompetent staff... usual s**t.

I been drinking this afternoon with other disgruntled staff but stopped short of total drunkenness then went to mates for tea which was a good thing to have done. But overall am struggling to hold my s**t together.

I really couldn't give a flying f*** about new years eve. I will be off to bed and to sleep shortly. Thanks for listening... S.A

SA, like you, NYE really holds nothing for me - to be honest because the calendar changes, some people think their lives will alter dramatically - which, if you think about it, is ridiculous!

Anyway you are doing marvelous SA with keeping the demon at bay, long may it continue

Take Care

Blues

Day 409 gambling free... well yes exactly Blues and thanks.

New year same life s**t and to top it all off my mate stuffed a hand written message through my door (no money to put credit on his phone) saying he's blown his money again and with a cryptic message wondering whether he could live in rehab. At least am not in his world is my selfish thought... but I could be cos am very close to jacking my job in.

On a positive 2013 was a gamble free year and for that I am truly thankful. 2013 was also a sick day free year which is quite something given how stressed out ive been from work and 2013 has also been an injury and illness free year which maybe I should highlight as so many people do not have that. I says happy new year to a colleague at work and he says don't say that, just say here's to a healthy new year... yeah healthy.

Am not healthy in my mind at the moment. Its just about survival at the moment and not doing stupid things like taking my I.D along to the nearest casino and escaping into their machines. I will not do this.

It feels like 2014 will be something of a make or break year... trying hard to continue taking each day as it comes, but am not full of confidence about the future. I need a hug really, someone to tell me that I am ok... am not always able to do that myself. Ive just sneezed onto my puter screen. Just thought I'd say. Happy days... S.A

P.s Woe is me... that's just the way it is... if you don't like it then don't read it.

S.A.

Fella here goes

(((((((((S.A.)))))))))

A bear hug!!!!

Everything will be what you make it my friend.

Healthy and gamble free!!! Wow I would think there is many folk who would like that in their cv.

You have made those changes to enable change.

I would be pretty sure your friend looks up to you and your efforts and so he should.

Fella he should be very proud to be able to call you his friend.

You had a profound impact on my recovery last year for

That I thank you.

I mean what I say and use again the words of 'smiler'

Be kind to yourself.

Why??

Because you are worth it

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 409 continues... thanks Dunc's your support is invaluable.

It is windy and it is raining... but I am going for a run anyway!

Its what I like to do 🙂

I ran 10 miles in very wet and very windy conditions. Loved it..am enjoying the moment.

Day 409 comes to a close.

You'd think that after this long gambling free that I'd be generally cheery well beyond the brief euphoria of a good run... but nope.. I feel so low I feel as low as low can go. I just want to pull the duvet over the head and hibernate for a few months whilst pondering my sad existence... and yet tomorrow I will no doubt drag my sorry a**e out of my pit and make my way to work and deal in a compassionate way with people who scream and hit.

Nothing changes if nothing changes... S.A

P.s No gambling.

Hi S.A. sorry to hear you're feeling so low. It sounds like that job is slowly killing you mentally and emotionally. For your sake I'd seriously think about giving it up and make some serious plans for the future. Don't be afraid, if you use all that energy you put into that job into finding something else then you won't have any problems. Don't worry about being skint because we've all been there and know what it's like to live on pennies for months. If I was you I'd sign up with an agency doing anything else other than what you're putting up with at the moment. Remember, there's nothing more important than your health, physical and mental. Would you continue doing a job which left you a c*****e? Probably not but we are all expected to do a job which could potentially harm us mentally. Take the iniative, wake up tomorrow with a determination to change things, at least this will give you some hope and mental relief. You don't have to do this for the rest of your life and you can set the wheels in motion, if you have the will, at anytime.

I can understand that jogging is great relief to you and makes you feel better, less stressed etc but it's not enough to counter the feelings being taken on at work. it'll give you temporary respite but that is all. A rollercoaster of emotions. Up for a bit then down. Never be afraid to make change only be afraid of not taking the initiative. You've achieved an incredible thing in givingup gambling but you must realise that this is just the beginning, the start of a better life. It's just as important to know what we don't want to do than know what we want. I apologise if I've gone on too much but you're a decent fella and I want you to fell better within yourself.

Take care

Steve