Hope

Tough call on your dilemma S.A. I know what I'd do but it's a no win situation. Can't advise you on this one because my answer would be biased towards my own experiences and the people which I know, plus it also depends what mood I'm in.

Good luck on your decision, you're responsible for no one except for yourself.

Shylock

Day 428 gambling free

Thanks for your support all...much appreciated. I did decide to lend my mate the money and he did pay me back 10 minutes later after having got the loan he wanted. Just hope he doesn't blow it all on gambling but if he does it would have been his choice.

Work was just rubbish. Am struggling with the act of being there... 14 more shifts to go.

No gambling problems but when I was waiting for my mate I looked around my high street and it was a sad sight. Money lending shop next to bookmakers next to money lending shop next to bookmakers and so on. Its just cruel that government allows this to happen in our high streets... what is our society coming to??

Thanks for listening.... S.A

Day 429 gambling free

Work was just crazy today. Clients behaviour was just off the wall and of course not enough staff by a long way... serious safe guarding issues if you ask me.

Met up with old boss this eve which was lovely. She's also happy to do reference for me in the future, which is also very good of her. Woosh I'd of gone to her in the first place to be honest.

Anyway no gambling problems. Life feels pretty tough at the moment but I remain strong and focussed not to start gambling again.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA,

Well done on continuing to be gamble free, and also for getting through work today. When I leave the company I work for, I doubt their legal and hr teams will allow them to offer a reference that says more than that I was there.

Keep that guard up, and keep wading through everything life can throw at you....remember what Andy Dufresne had to crawl through in order to get to his boat in Zihuatanejo! (Shawshank Redemption reference).

All the best

Ryan

Day 430 gambling free

Thanks Ryan, great film that Shawshank redemption. One of my favourites of all time.

Can't sleep am stressed about the working day to come. I know what's coming as my colleague is about to do a sickie so he can go to a job interview and as we have no team leader and nobody there to manage the day... chaos will reign.... and clients may get hurt because no staff will be present to work with them.... and our most challenging client may go on an o**y of destruction. Am tempted to put a lol here but am not going to.... outside regulatory agency's would shut the place immediately if they new how unsafe it was.

13 shifts to go... it feels like such a long time! Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA...

Thank you.. yes, some bad stuff going on..but hey, can dig myself out of this s**t..have to..for my wellbeing..

Run?? It's P****** down like hell!!!...but of course, few more hours and sunrise..i will go then.

Thanx for ur support

Take it easy yourself...you are worth all good things in life

((((( SA )))))

S x

Day 430 continues...

Hey thanks Sandra 🙂 P****** down with rain doesn't stop me going for a run.. unless its absolutely torrential from the off. I did 4 miles starting at 5.15 a.m just after I wrote that post... a stress buster... fairly pacey. Annoyingly though I managed to delete it off my garmin rather than save it DUH!

Work was a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. All f*****g day with a client who saps your emotional energy and eventually your will to live. I end up tracking his moods and when he's happy I'm happy (ish) and then he changes suddenly to battering himself and screaming then I just want to batter and scream at him but I don't cos you can't but I want to and then I just sink into a depressive state of not caring what he does and then he smiles and laughs again.. playing his sick games... his dysfunctional ways of getting attention above and beyond his learning disability.

I'd imagine what ive described is what its like to be in an abusive relationship... the classic example being the woman who tracks her mans moods and is happy when he's happy and afraid when he's not happy for fear of getting a beating. Clearly I go home at the end of the day so not as bad... but bad enough.

Underneath all of this I am sad though... 12 shifts to go. Ive given so much over the last 3 years and they've let me walk away with no attempt to try and keep me. My colleagues don't want me to go but go I must... am not coping with the utter relentlessness of it all. But miss parts of the job I will... your able to be crazy and slightly off the wall and get away with it. You can't help but laugh when you end up covered in s**t, ***, spit and menstrual flow lol

I sense quite an adjustment when I leave and probably a period of depression coupled with worry about picking up work and finances and then the missing certain people and the social side of things. However I will cross these things when I get there. Its day to day, its the way it has to be. No use worrying too much about stuff that hasn't happened yet. Things have a habit of working out.

Thanks for listening... S.A

No gambling.

SA

Fella keep putting in the effort and you will reap the benefits, as we both know the results don't have to come instantly, we gambled on that for far too long.

Those social occasions will still occur with the colleuges that mean something to you, and I am sure they will be made all the more special when your working at something that rewards your efforts in the fashion befitting to them.

and you never know like me you may recieve a phone call a few weeks after you left asking for you to return, it has happened to me a couple of times now, I smile inwardly and thank them, but NO thanks!!

Keep on running!! the right way!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey SA,

Great to read the numbers adding up in your recovery 🙂

It's nice to see you moving upwards in your life and getting ready for challenges ahead. Changing jobs is not easy, as much as we might not like where we work, there is always parts of job we gonna miss. Colleagues too.

I left my last job after working 8 years for a company. I was looking for a challenge, change. It was getting on top of me and no matter how many promises of getting higher on stepladder I had, I knew I can't wait any longer. It was sad to leave colleagues, and scary to start something new. It didn't turn out the best option for me, but then you make that step you need to keep your head high and carry on.

Life is full of opportunities, if not as lucky in one place, nobody stops us to look further afield.

I know you will get over all the struggles and settle down in less stressful and more enjoyable place. You more than deserve all the happiness and peace in your life.

Day at a time

All the best

Be kind to yourself and take it easy :-))

Sandra x

P.s. sorry for a little story lol

Day 432 gambling free

Hey thank you both. lovely words of support 🙂

Yes am unsettled. Am needing to dig deep and just take each day as it comes.

Difficult day today in terms of recovery. I was tested. The axel on my bike broke which then damaging the frame beyond repair. After walking bike 3 miles to a Halfords and getting the bad news I threw my bike in a skip lol I almost bought a new bike on the spot but decided not to in the end.

I could feel the urge to try and win back the £150 I was about to spend by gambling... so I decided not to buy. Good decision I think. Spend a few days considering what to get and buy when am in a more settled frame of mind.

Work is just mental. Client kicked off in a shop (he wasn't with me) and injured a member of the public... they had to go to hospital for stitches. Its all falling apart.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Day 433 gambling free.

Up at the c rack of dawn this morning.. another 18 miler. A real challenge after 15 miles cos it was uphill... average for whole run under 10 minute miles... so on a flat course, I reckon on a good day with good weather and good health and with a bit more training I could beat my Pb for the marathon. Any h ills then no chance lol I feel the winter proper about to arrive.. so no more mega long runs till the spring thaw and the awakening of the polar bears 😉

No gambling issues as I type. I kind of don't want to think about work issues today... and being knackered helps to do that.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Morning SA,

'Day 433 gambling free.'

SA

Fella great to see you are focusing on what makes you feel a sense a being.

18 miles and you make it sound like a stroll!! I walked half a dozen miles with Sarah and the hounds this morning and that is enough for me lol. I love wandering across the hi##lls with nothing but my own mind, something which today I feel completely comfortable with without the fog of gambling clouding everything I do.

Regards the bike have you got gumtree where you are, I picked up my last bike for a song and unlike other auction type sites you dont have to pay up front, so you see what you are purchasing, I got a bargin amazing what folk buy without thinking if they actually want it!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend my friend, you certainly earnt it.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi there

I'm hoping you don't read this till tomorrow as you said no work issues today but had to tell you that a friend I hadn't seen for a few years came into my office yesterday and as you have, she quit her job and went agency and last year earned £70.000 doing the same job she was getting half that before and also linked to your profession so keep hanging on tight to that bull you took by the horns. Will be thinking of you.

xxx

Day 434 gambling free

Thanks for your support everybody.

Woke up feeling really low, after having had a fairly positive and constructive day yesterday. I bought my new bike which I pick up today.

Am feeling very stressed about work tomorrow and stressed about leaving work in 2 weeks and stressed about money (even though I have no immediate worries). Am full of fear and trepidation. At this moment I feel like the rabbit in the headlights. All being well I will push through these feelings and get back to positive and constructive.

Thanks for listening... S.A