Hope

Yo,

I echo smilers sentiments .

I know personally that by making the changes in my life this year, ones that I never dreamed were possible.

Every part of me , mentally and physically are to use a term healing .

It takes bravery to bite the bullet and follow your heart cos deep down you know that's what's best for you , today my friend I hope you feel proud cos you really should .

Shiny xxxx

Nice one S.A. Glad to hear you've got out of that sinking ship. Just shows how incompetent and useless they are over the reference. Work your month off with a whistle and a smile as that 'light at the end of the tunnel' edges closer. I'm not a clairvoyant, or a gambling man but if I was I'd bet that your future is going to get a lot better from now on. The adventure starts now.

Oh you'd love working in schools and you seem to have the perfect character to excel. If you get the chance to do it I'd take it.

Best of luck and all the best.

Best wishes

George Best

Day 424 begins... thanks you lovely people. Remaining strong in my resolve. I will post back at weekend when less tired. Thanks again you lift my spirits.. S.A 🙂

SA

Fella I am very proud to be able to share the journey you are on, I know you have made the right decision, because simply

You are worth it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey SA,

My honourable friend. Such a great news and picked my spirits up even higher!!! Man,..you are SOOOO WORTH IT. New chapter of your calmer stress free future begins.

I am well chuffed for you. Change is scary, but in some circumstances is necessary. And you did it my friend. For it I salute you....( and get my own a**e in gear with leaving a dark hell I stuck in )

Be proud SA, - Nothing changes if nothing changes!! 🙂

Sandra xx

Congratulations SA,

I don't feel that word is overstating the situation, as it is genuinely a big step in the right direction. Sometime its easy to stick in a job that is just leeching happiness from you, simply because of the fear of what lies after handing in that resignation. I hope that losing that fear proves to be another weight from your shoulders.

I suspect my company will be just the same when I leave. The reference from hr will not reflect any of the positive vibes I always get from my managers, and will just be an useless, generic waste of paper.

Remember the big bad world is not half as big or bad as you think it will be, and I hope each day towards the end of your sentence will see a little more joy coming each day.

All the best

Ryan

Day 425 gambling free.

Thanks folks, much appreciated. I always think about what you say, even when I don't reply directly to feedback received.

At the moment I am still mired in the day to day stress of this job... which I have been for 3 years and in the last 2.5 years ive only had 1 complete week away from it. I have another 3 weeks to go or 15 work days to go and then suddenly it will end and whatever comes next will begin. My guess is that it will only be a week or two after having left that the reality of not being there will start to sink in.

All being well I will have bits and pieces of work lined up. I am quite happy not to be working full time for a while... just a bit scared that I will have nothing lined up... I need to work on alternative ways to earn money... I still need to look for other work, part time or whatever.

Today I am ok and no gambling problems... S.A

Wow, SA. I stand in total admiration of your courage. This new firm doesn't know how lucky they are!

Day 426 begins... otherwise known as 14 months without a bet of any kind.

Carla am fool hardy really. Its only an agency ive signed up with so far and when I actually want some work with them in a few weeks time they might just turn round and say...nothing available.

I have a long history of working in jobs until I can't cope anymore and then just upping and leaving before ive found another job to go to... and then a period of crisis unfolds usually gambling related (cos I think that gambling can get me money to tide me over) and then only after much anxiety and personal misery am I able to find my way to more stable ground once again. In reality Carla I feel like am just going round in circles albeit very large circles. Whats going to be different this time?

Are you sitting comfortably, here is a story. Once upon a time there was a boy who didn't want to to tell his mum that he'd packed his job in... because the boy was worried that his mum would be angry and say... "for goodness sake what on earth did you go and do that for..again!".. I am exasperated with you!"... and then the boy didn't like himself and the boy felt like a failure and went off to comfort himself by playing on the machines and gambling his money away. Story ends

Of course in reality the boy has now grown up and is now in his 40's and his mum is now in her 70's.. the little boy is now an adult and his mum is now a little old lady and yet despite the passage of time, somewhere deep inside this middle aged man there is a boy scared and alone and not knowing what to do. This is what I get like when change happens. I will probably delete this.

Thanks for listening... S.A

S.A.

Fella sometimes erasing the past works and other times we have to face our past in order to make our future.

Today you have done that my friend, it is in no way a sign of weakness, for me it is an act of courage and strength.

I share with you the burden of expectation.

Mine was founded through my Sarah falling pregnant at 19, oh the storm that whipped up, the things that were said.

The expectation of failure.

Well 2 more children and twenty years on those feelings still lurk in there, stored, ingrained in my brain.

I used to run like you at the first sign of trouble.

To the bookies. Never talked about it, just that feeling of

Failure. In some regard I played the part well.

I did financially lurch from one f**k up to the next, I carried a cavalier attitude that I could be unresponseable, that was what was expected.

Fast forward nearly two years, I learnt alot.

I have become responseable for my actions.

I believe so have you.

The circle through abstinence does grow, yes we might still run around it, but it is our choice to not let it decrease.

Believe in yourself my friend, I do and I have good reason.

You can take inspiration from many aspects of your life today.

Me I just look how my kids have turned out.

I feel a huge sense of pride.

You should too.

Keep making that circle grow my friend

You are running in the right direction.

Enjoy your day, if you are having the rain we are, I guess running today will involve flippers!!!!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi SA, everyone has 'that voice' of condemnation in our head holding us back. We weren't born with it, instead it was placed there at an early age by society, parents, teachers etc. They sometimes grow like weeds, preventing beautiful growth as they take over. They encourage fear and condemn us to feelings of failure, self disappointment, and hold us back. The first stage is to recognise them, the second stage is to ignore them until they lack energy, wither and die.

You have nothing to fear, nothing to feel ashamed about. Yes you're going through change, yes you're going to have to put effort in, and yes you're going to have to seek opportunities. Yet so what, you can do this, it's easy when you break it down into small processes. Forget, what that 'inner voice' says because you will not only survive but you will flourish. There maybe disappointments along the way or moments of doubt but like running you've got to pace yourself through these and smile as you feel yourself getting stronger.

As I said previously its going to be an adventure. An exciting one. Remember, every time that 'inner voice' tries to discourage you there are ten 'real' voices here cheering you along the way. It may be a sprint or it may be a marathon but you will cross the line without a doubt.

Will it bring on gambling? Why should it? You are not the same person you once was. Do you want to go back to that? No. Besides if you focus on reshaping your life and searching for new opportunities, you simply won't have the time.

Don't lose focus, ignore doubts and feelings of uncertainty. Focus on two things, finding that new path and training hard in running so you can beat that 50 odd year old woman who sped past you about 3 months ago. Yes that was me and I am Eddie Izzard.

Tell no one

Edward

We are all behind you on this one which is the difference between that young boy and this lovely capable, caring man.

Don't look at it as a scary change, look at it as a blossoming into the real you.

With you all the way to the finishing post and beyond.

xxx

Day 427 gambling free.

Thanks all. Am kind of lost for words. You all make so much sense. Ignore the "inner voice" of self doubt and condemnation. I keep moving forward, small steps, day at a time, enjoy the journey where I can, cope with setbacks, they will pass.

18 miles yesterday, am getting these very long runs in before the snow and ice comes along, which its sure to do at some point.

Thanks again everyone. When your more or less on your own, this place and what people write becomes priceless. As an outlet it definately helps to stop me gambling. As the G.A literature states its very hard to stop for any length of time through "will power" alone. I agree with this.

Thanks for listening... S.A

P.s Iv'e started drinking beetroot juice. Its got nitrates in it which helps oxidise something or other, so is really good for endurance events. I notice the difference or maybe its just all in my head lol

Day 427 continues...

Dilemmas... a mate of mine who earns ok money but is gambling has asked me to lend him £155 for a few minutes so that he can pay off his existing loan (at a loan shop) and then get another loan for £500 to then pay me back straight away and then to give him the money he says he needs to tied him over whilst he's off work due to an operation ( he doesn't get work sick pay, just SSP).

The thing is I know am just feeding his addiction. he's probably tried to gamble the money to tied him over and lost. His crisis is timely in a way because this is my challenge in a few weeks time when I leave full time work.

I look at this situation and think... well he has no savings for a rainy day, because he gambles. Simples.

Hey SA,

Thanks for your kind words on my diary and am very pleased to see you are happier and calmer with yourself. I am very proud of you my friend, you keep going strong and overcoming all the s**t life keeps throwing at you.

You keep doing the right thing, you know what you want from your life..less stress - more peace and happiness. Step by step you are heading closer to that better future. Be proud!!!

You say about my posts at night lol...to be honest these working hours is eating me alive, but I am scared of change. I sort of made that move 10 months ago and as they say, I run from wolf and jumped on the bear. If you get me. I do need change, and people like you really inspire me to make that step. My shift is messing with my health and obviously moods ( which I'm sure you well aware of lol )...all down to lack of sleep.

Anyhow, as they say - nothing changes if nothing changes. You made that change and should be well proud of yourself!!!

Good stuff on g free time, and of course your running is fantastic!! Keep it up 🙂

Sandra x