So i've gambled non stop since I was 16. Whether it was £10 of my last £100 or £2000 of the £15000 I still got the same buzz and anticipation. It's always been sports and I believe to cure boredom. Anyway after working for 10 years, living at home and being an only child I should have lots of savings. Instead I'm £15,000 in debt. I calculated I've lost £500,000 on gambling over the 10 years.
It got to a point a month ago where I was wasting my wage within a day, payday loans were/are owed and I couldn't get access to any money. My mum bailed me out with a consolidation loan to pay these off, which I went on to waste.
After this for some reason it's sort of hit home I need to stop, as in the past with my wage, I've been lucky enough to have my mum bail me out, but now she's sorted the consolidation loan (which I am paying back) I know there's no other option, as if my wage goes I am goosed.
Anyway I'm on Day 5 and have already had urges and up's and down's which I will describe below. My main worry is I've read a similar diary to mine, with a similar situation, who all of a sudden caved in on day 90, as it's something I don't want to happen.
I placed quite a few long term outright bets out of that £15,000 which kind of badly? is satisfying my small buzz, as there's usually something on each night I can follow with an interest in, without having a daily direct bet on it, I do have some indirect interest if that makes sense.
Any help, comments and support would be much appreciated.
Day 1
Day 1 was Saturday the 17th March. This passed fairly easily without any urge or thought. I played football during the day, went home at night and was fairly content.
Day 2
Day 2 was Sunday. Again I was focussed on getting through to the end of the day. The Golf was on at night, which I was settling down to watch. I was half tempted by a bet on this for interest, but thought it's just a waste and a lottery on who will win it. Got through the night without a bet.
Day 3
Up early and back in work. Really busy with work which was a good thing (work an office job which isn't the best for this problem, as I can access to phone and it can help pass time)
Anyway didn't have a bet. Got home late again which is helpful as I'm less bored.
Snooker on the tele though and thought it would be good to get settled, plonk a bet on the snooker and settle down to watch. Resisted the bet, just watched and fell asleep early.
Also on this night. I did log into my betting account, managed to get a bet voided. Was going to put the amount on another 'outright' bet for me to follow but the thought of ruining for 3 days gamble free, made me withdraw it and add it to my bank balance.
Day 4
Woke up and checked the US Sports results, which I have a couple of outright bets dependent on. Saw one of the teams had lost a game and got that bad feeling when I seen they'd lost. It reminded me of all the times over the last ten years I'd done the same. Although it was bad as I have an outright on the thing, I realised I hadn't lost money just on that game chasing from the night before. Was a good reminder of why I am trying to quit also.
Again back in work early. Similar to the Monday. Got to work, checked the internet and noticed the Cricket was on Windies v Scotland. Would have been perfect for a bet to follow throughout the day, but again I don't want to ruin this gamble free period.
Managed to get through the rest of the day being busy. There was a couple of lower league football games on later that night (which I have outright interest on) that you could say settled my boredom of something to check/follow, but I resisted a bet on anything else, watched the snooker and went to bed.
Day 5
I went to Costa, bought a sandwich and coffee etc before work and thought my bank balance is only going one way. Granted I have X amount of money in it, so that I can live and buy things (where as if I was still gambling this would have been down to the last penny this month already) but I realised it was never going to get bumped up by a withdrawal or a win.
I understand non gambling is the better option as I will always have more money than if I gambled, it's just getting my head around it'll never increase.
I was having thoughts I'll just stick £20 on this to double it and get £20 for these morning coffees or I'll put £100 on a 1/5 chance to get £20 to pay for these morning coffees etc .... although I know if the £100 or £20 bet loses, that's extra cash I could have in my bank to pay for these coffees!
Anyway after these thoughts, work passed well, again being really busy helped.
It was nice to check my bank and see that I had cash there to live on and not have to ask my Mum to help me out. Again the snooker was on, but I'd got over this thought the last two nights.
The cricket also started NZ v England and thought in the past I'd love a bet on this to follow, but again I'm 5 days deep now and I don't want to ruin it.
I've got enough cash in my bank for a bet, but I know if I use it I'll be skint again long before payday (14th). This is the first time I've had access to cash and I've been five days gamble free.
Day 6
So this is Day 6. Finally got round to making the account and putting all my thoughts/journey into this thread.
Woke to see that England had been skittled for 58 which again reminded me how betting is a lottery. Read a thread a betting forum, were people were discussing what they'd won/lost and how this scenario could not have been predicted. Helps focus me more.
Again tonight I have an outright interest on the Premier League Darts, so I will follow that but I won't be tempted to waste £000' on the individual games or other Sports that are available. Play football and then go out on a Thursday night, so shouldn't be tempted at all for a bet on anything else.
Really close to completing a full week tomorrow of gamble free, this is what I have been focussing on for the last couple of days, so fingers crossed I can say tomorrow that I am one week gamble free.
No urges today to have a bet on anything.
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