I just can't keep living this way, so starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

Srl1

Welcome to the forum, more importantly welcome to recovery.

Here you will find like minded folk who share the same desire, to end the self destruction that is the compulsion to gamble.

There is a wealth of help out there, take everything on offer.

Without doubt there is no cure or medicine you can take, nobody but you can end the destruction but believe in recovery and it will gift you the opportunity to live without the self created misery.

My advice is the same advice gifted on my first days recovery

There is a triangle

Time-money-location

Take one away at all times and the next punt becomes impossible

Gifting the rational side of your brain opportunity to take control.

Self excluding works, Internet blocking software works, handing your finances to another works, carrying no means to gamble works.

They will all bring you the chance to understand why?

Why do you gamble

For me it was escapism, pure and simple

Whilst active we live by the same mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

Turn that upside down

By arresting that next punt we actually win, there's an irony in that.

I leave you with a joke, that's no joke!

How do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire???

Start him a billionaire. .......

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you duncanmac

Very wise words indeed, the triangle you mentioned makes a lot of sense. Will always try to use that when making decisions on what to do each day.

I know I need to feel that win of not gambling, so I can start saving money and spending it on the areas I need to, and treat myself, rather than feeding this addiction

Day 2

Seems like a long time since I last wrote in here a day ago, mainly because the shortcomings of the weekend are still fresh on my mind. Still very motivated however to overcome this problem, been thinking a lot more during work as to why it has been such a big problem for such a long time.

Made an initial step yesterday of walking into the bookies which is in closest proximity to my house and enquiring about how to self exclude from them. I would have done it there and then but didn't realise passport photos were needed, so going to need to get them done and go back in again to sign the form and get the self exclusion for that particular bookies completed. I have been attempting a few different ways to give up for some time now and nothing has worked and always led back to relapses, but I have felt that whenever I have thought about 'getting a block on my internet' or 'self excluding myself' from the bookies instore that I have always thought I would be stronger than that. I guess now that is just the way of the addiction telling me that I would gamble again and it would be stronger than me, and prove that it did.

I feel though there is seriously no excuse in self-excluding from the bookies and getting the block online. I feel if you tell yourself you will be okay, it will only be your way of actually thinking that at some point you will gamble again. Maybe restricting yourself from actually gambling isn't such a bad way after all.

Very suprised about going into the bookies with money in pocket and not spending anything, not even looking at the machines, and coming straight back out. Certainly feel the low point of Sunday evening/Monday morning has got to me this time, I just hope it sticks for long enough for me to make a change.

As for today, I will not gamble

Thanks

Day 3

Going to keep it short as I am currently about to go out for a meal but still want to keep updated every day! I feel that if we get lazy with these entries on here, then it will only help the addiction grow again if we are not being strong with ourselves

Always update daily to keep on top of things

Today was a good day, lots of work on and very little time to think about the gambling! Going to do the self exclusion thing from the local bookies tomorrow to hopefully take another step to overcoming this problem

For today, I will not gamble

Day 4

Lovely evening yesterday, loved finishing early at work for a change so can make the most out of the evening. Back at work this morning so a quick update.

This is hard, couple of days in now but the thoughts are so bloody strong. I feel like I am having arguements with myself, like 'Oh you can just do this' followed abruptly by a 'no you can't don't be so bloody stupid'. It is really hard trying to juggle these thoughts as I need to keep moving forward and not thinking about what happened in the past.

This weekend will be a test, football on, few beers and really hoping to try and stay strong and get through the first weekend without touching anything. Finding it impossible at the moment to find somewhere that does passport photos so I can self-exclude from the local bookies. Going in town tomorrow so hopefully find somewhere to get that done.

As for today, I will not gamble

Thanks

Day 5

Big day so far today, managed to get some passport photo's done so got myself to three well recognised betting establishments in my city and self excluded from them. All of them were very helpful and kept on mentioning that if I were to step in the shop again within the self exclusion year, they would call the police to escort myself off the premises, so good to know they take the self exclusion period very seriously. So overall, that is a total of 9 shops in my city that I am self-excluded from (it's amazing to see how many there actually are lying around in such a small place). The only down-side is that it only last's a year, but hopefully by then the thought of walking back into a bookie would be no where near the front of my mind

I have certainly had some painful stories along the way and hopefully they are never going to come up again. My first memorable moment where it suddenly began to start hurting people was in the year 2009. I was on holiday with my girlfriend at the time and we were in a restaurant that had a foriegn machine and I had a go. We won only a few euro but after on the walk home she made me promise to her that I wouldn't gamble again. As i thought it was no issue, I said yes and we left that there.

Few weeks along the line I went to university and slowly the gambling pressure by University mates started to creep up on me. I didnt have a clue in what I was doing in terms of the sports side of things, so it was only little goes on slot machines in the pub whilst watching the football. Only a little thing but I was already lying to my girlfriend about it. She asked a few times and I said I had and I wouldn't do it again. She believed me but the trust must have been cracked. A week or two later, I went on the slot machine and won the double jackpot and was so happy I just rang her out of happiness. She didn't appreciate it one little bit and somehow I was at the time blinded with the problem and what I was doing to her.

We broke up about a year later and I fully reckon that the gambling was the reason for the break up as she just wouldn't trust me anymore, coupled with many other problems, but also the start of a very decreasing road for me as without her being there saying stop and me being very very hurt by the breakup, the gambling took over as a way to waste time. I wouldn't say it was a way of wasting time now, but it certainly was back then whilst I was going through the breakup.

Anyway, that is for another day because as for today, I will not gamble

Thanks