I need to stop this numbness

Afternoon all

Just a little about myself

I'm a 26yr old male and I have a fiancée and a 2 year old daughter

I've been gambling since I was 18 and it has always been a problem as I am one of those gamblers than can not walk away. I've had previous issues but I managed to stop gambling for about 4 months

I work at sea and earn a decent amount of money. Enough that food is on the table and bills are paid. Or so it should be..

Recently I had to move away from my family so I could do some studies to achieve a higher qualification. However live by myself away from my family has really brought it to my attention how bad my gambling has become.

I've never had the "luck" when it comes to winning but when I do I have never had the ability to walk away and 9 times out of 10 I'll walk away down. Again recently my gambling has slowly started to build up a debt. Not a great amount but enough to be ashamed of, which I am.

Now today has broken me. I had £150 put into the bank however on the way to the bank I decided to walk into the bookies to check the coupons for this week. I decided to have a shot at the FOBT and long story short I am now DOWN £100!! And the kicker is I was £400 up at one point. The numbness that comes with this is sickening. Each day my partner tells me how proud she is of me for doing what I'm doing for the sake of our family and a better life. But if she were to know the truth she would be broken and it would seriously affect her trust toward me and rightly so!

I need to stop this once and for all not for me but for the sake of my partner And my daughter.

I've said many times that "today is day one" but I can't b.s anymore. It has to end.

Thanks for reading this.