i haven’t posted a lot in a while, by chance it turns out today is day 1000 without a bet. The days don’t mean anything really anymore.
Going back to 2016 I’d probably been on the site for over a year, stopping gambling, then starting again. Through watching other people progress and reading what others had written something finally clicked.
the first few months seemed to fly by, but around the 6 month mark I really started to get anxious, somehow I’m going to f**k this up and let everyone down again. Anxiety attacks would wake me in the middle of the night, I couldn’t rest, I couldn’t sleep. From there I started to become depressed, I didn’t talk much, and when I did talk it was negative negativity flowed through me. Life without gambling was the pits. My aim was just to hold on for the first year and hope I’d know what to do by then.
year one comes round and absolutely nothing had changed I still felt the same as day one, to say I was enraged would be an understatement. Twitter gave me a platform to speak to other addicts and hope I could find something that would help me. It didn’t what I found was a lot more angry addicts and the more I read of people’s plight the more I got enraged. I joined the anti industry movement and starting writing to anyone I could to get the fobt stake lowered, the more the abb wrote about how jobs would be lost and so on the angrier I became. Through all the hatred I did find a diamond in the rough, a guy who has been going to ga for around 10 years at the time who also had a YouTube blog. Communicating with him over social media and watching his videos helped me a lot, everything he said made sense, he wasn’t angry, far from it he was living a good life through a lot of hard work. From there it felt like I changed as a person overnight, I let go of the bags I felt like I’d been carrying my whole life. I learned to be happy and also that it’s ok to be sad and I don’t need to oppress my feelings anymore. Today is like night and day to where I came from. I’ve learned and achieved more in almost 3 years than I did the previous 35 bar having my family who without them by my side would never of been achieved what I have.
Theres some really good addiction blogs on insta especially the ones featuring drug abuse the couple ones give a really good insight into being an addict and also living a life with one and then through recovery.
You are truly inspirational.
I know it sounds weird and you'd rather not be....but to someone in a similar position and just starting out on the road to recovery you are. It gives us all hope. Keep up the great work.
hi deono, Adam poker here, I still use the site everyday, good to see you have done soo well! Well done mate
Bdog thank you for your post I’m certainly not inspirational I’m just another guy stumbling through life trying to make the right choices. Well done on 154 days bet free if I can find your diary I’ll give you a more detailed post tomorrow.
@adam123 I’ve followed your progression for a long time, we joined around the same time, and although you had a blip last week it’s great to see how you grown and great to see you having a positive influence on the forum. Will also catch up with a post on your diary tomorrow
Hello Mate 🙂
Well you took your time , the last time you spoke to me you said you were "Just popping out " , must have been a great night or week coz you don't mess about do you old buddy :)) .
Thank you for the " Banksy " compliment but was it less about my post's or the fact that I creep about at night and spray rude word's all over your wall or in this case your spankin new diary ? :). Look at you on page 1 lol x
TBH , I didn't realise it was you the other week and by the time I did realise the backroom boy's had done their stuff and I'd been banished to a place you and I both know well , so I couldn't reply anyway 🙁 .
TBH the ban was fair and as you said I did lose it a bit but as you know once you reach a point of no return you think eff it no point in stopping now as I'm facing a fate worse than death , I might as well be facing a fate far worse than a fate worse than death , although I am blaming some of it on my 14yr old terrier being diagnosed with dementia ? FFS !! ..I only took her to the vet's because I thought she had a bad tooth but nearly £ 500 later , I get the question of " Does she ever stare at walls in a kind of vacant way " ? ....and there's me thinking she had that 6th sense where she could see dead people or Poodle's ? ... but on a good note her breath smells better and she's got shiny teeth :)) .
The shop's going because my mind's willing but the body's not , far too many 12/14 hr day's on my feet for the last 38 yrs , plus it'll be nice to spend more time with my partner and the foster kiddywink's but can assure you it has nothing to do with " Orange chip's " down Saaaaf " .
Where have all the years gone mate ? , I noticed the other day your over 3 yrs now which brought a huge smile to these old chops 🙂 but it only seems like yesterday when we all rocked up broken and in bit's and amazes me that so many of us have carried on gamble free so we must have done something right or maybe just supported each other , which I think we all really needed back then .
Right Banksy's run out of paint for tonight so I hope thing's are all good for you and the family mate and that your not having too many rainy day's off work and otherwise :)) .
Look after yourself my brother and I'm sure I'll catch up soon 🙂
Kisses xx
Haven’t been on in a while, safe to say I’m over 3 years in to recovery. I haven’t had as much time as I’d of liked to update my diary and reply to other’s as I’ve been working a lot this year, but as I’ve broken up from work Today I’m sure I’ll be catching up with those still here over Christmas.
deano
Morning Legend,
Thought you brickies packed in work when the clocks changed. No doubt you are washing your trowel.
Nice to see you posting again mate and congrats on the 3 years.
Think between me, you, Loxxie and KTF it is 10 years plus.
Shall have a drink to that.
Hugs
BAVALARRRRR XX
Hi guys and girls, old and new. It’s been a long time since I updated anything to my diary.
truth is I don’t think about gambling anymore so have very little to write. 2021 will be my 5th year without gambling, feels good to write that.
i still remember all the people I have had the pleasure to share a journey with from this forum. This forum and its members is what gave me the knowledge I needed to stop gambling, and ill always be thankful for that.
to all members old and present, and all the staff at gamcare Merry Christmas.
deano
Congratulations Deano and many thanks for posting.
Truly inspiring and a great example to anyone in recovery.
Best wishes to you for a great Christmas.
Aum
Thanks Deano,
Well done to you, and Merry Christmas to you too.
Take care,
Adam.
hi deano mate, bal and I still frequent gamcare everyday. Since august 18 I turned a new leaf as the stress of it all got too much, I had time off work then started fresh, I haven't drunk a drop of alcohol since and have done much better with regards to the gambling. Just coming up to my 400 day mark gf so really proud. Was great to see your name pop up again we could do with an injection of deano on the site again.... All the best adam
Wishing you all the best for 2021 dean thankyou for support you have provided me and well done with your recovery so far
Louloux
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
