Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi C,

Thanks for replying so honestly. I think again I feel really able to understand your point of view as I was speaking to someone recently in a different context about how I feel the need to be the best at everything I do. That person said to me that I ought to take a look at myself for the reason WHY i think i need to be the best all the time. I judge myself very harshly and by standards to which I would never hold others accountable and I dont really know why. I remember when you did your 'controlled gambling' phase and I was abstaining, and I am going to be honest, though this is horrible, I personally felt a little relieved when you lapsed at times because if you had managed, you would have beaten me and I would have had to ak why you could do it and I couldn't! Isn't that sick? Then, here's the sicker bit, I returned to gambling, managed to do it with financial discipline which was, I thought, my only objective, only to find myself miserable because I felt it was consuming all of my time and that I was missing out on really living! Fickle and twisted b**ch! (Me not the gambling!) Anyway, you may well be horrified by what I said above but I am being honest and I suppose my constructive point is meant to be that if you persevere with new intersts and people, you may find they earn a valuable place in your life.

Also, this 'being the best thing' is a horrific pressure to put on yourself, assuming you did, I know I did. Can't blame my parents or anyone else. I put that on my own head!

Hope you find some kind of light in your tunnel soon.

Eyes X

P.s. I used to run but found I couldn't due to injury and took up 'fitness modelling/body sculpting' don't know if that would be of interest but really can be done at any age (not implying you are old but cant remember you age;-P ) Just a thought!

Hi Cap'n, sorry to hear your feeling a bit down, Saturdays to me seem a little pointless at the moment, but I've been keeping busy doing lots of jobs round the house that should have been done ages ago.

Anyhow, it appears that everybody wants to help you and suggest alternative pastimes, but there is nothing that replaces the gambling. We stay away from it, abstain from it, but it's always there and always will be, we've just got to deal with it, because we can't control ourselves to be sensible.

Having some really big urges recently, and arguing with myself as to why I can't just go in the bookies & have a bet, I'm grown up, it's my money, so why? Then I think of my first post, the multiple visits to the cashpoint & then realise why. I can't bet, cos I can't stop.

Keep going, hope you'll find something to keep yourself occupied.

Paul

Well another weekend nearly over. I don't want to go through life dreading the weekend and wishing it was Monday. Work is ok but it shouldn't be better than your spare time!

Over my many years gambling I always had good weekends if winning and bad weekends when losing. However when I don't have a bet at all it is just as bad as losing in all ways but financial. I have no drive, no spark and even feel I'd be better losing as at least I would have tried and failed. If I don't get my competitive side and emotions out through gambling I end up picking arguments with people over nothing just to feel emotions. I have tried letting off steam by working hard in the gym but that's not enough.

I watched the tennis today to pass the time. How boring is it 2 guys batting a ball about when you have no interest who wins! Couldn't help thinking about odds at certain points of match but didn't have an urge to bet as such.

Hi C,

I remember first time around waking up on a saturday morning and feeling like it was a year ahead of me with nothing to do at all. I won't lie it took me months to get into a routine of finding things I got a little entertainment from and as you know it's not the same buzz.

I actually spoke to my brother today about whether you do gain by giving up the gambling. When I was away from it I felt I was in a constant or neutral state all the time. just same speed, no bumps in the road and nothing unexpected. I put it to him that I was in a state of 'zero'. However when I was gambling I was NEVER in that state, never 'zero' I was either experiencing highs, some small, some huge(rated +1,2,3,4,5. Or Lows again some small, some huge(rated -1,2,3,4,5) . But my theory was that if you put the numbers together overall, it probably came back to ZERO!!! Therefore are you better off at all in the long run? (Hope that made remote sense, its in my head like that and hard to put into words!) I also view it sometimes like someone not leaving the house because they were safe there and bad things could wait outside.... but there are good things too. I don't know. I am struggling at the moment. I know when I gamble there have been in the past extreme losses and some truely terrible days but there have been great days too.

Can I ask, is gambling part of your social life, like would go go racing and is it something you and your friends have as a staple in common, betting on sports?

Going back to the always getting it right thing, I would never say I went as far as not collecting if your horse got a race becaue of a faller (if your horse was 10 clear and fell, you would not expect the bookie to pay out 😉 ) But I do remember times I won and got no satisfaction because I didn't 'bet well' . When I was younger and made consistent profit from racing I stuck to a very structured approach in terms of staking and pricing and latterly when I lost the plot a few years ago I remember getting money back outwith my 'plan/structure' and feeling anger because I shouldn't have deviated from what I intended. I am quite obsessed with perfection and crucify myself at times for things. I don't know why though - I know nothing good comes of it because I rarely hit that 'perfect' mark and when I do I only move the goal post for next time to make it harder.

Anyway, hopefully being at work will take your mind off things. I appreciate your understanding of my last post as I thought i may have been a bit tactless in my wording but thankfully it was ok!

Kind wishes for the week ahead

Eyes X

Hope your monday has started well Captain. You have me quite fascinated by the similarities to what seems to be our psychological gambling background. I too find it a solitary 'past-time'. At the beginning my life was a mess because I was so involved in horse racing and my whole social circle and family were and I thought giving up gambling meant giving up everything. Somewhere in the process I realised horse racing as a sport and gambling were quite seperate for me. When I study form and gamble I prefer to be alone. When I go racing I am generally very focussed and almost never drink alcohol. In my new 'non-racing' job they arranged a night out at our local racetrack a few months ago for a night meeting. When they were booking it someone said to me 'You FORGOT to put your name down silly!' I immediately told them I wasn't going and that it was my idea of an utter nightmare to be watching racing with people who didnt know anything about it while drinking and chatting about non-racing things. I despise the way racing is going in fact with these concerts and encouraging 'socialising' at the tracks but thats another story!!! Anyway my point is that I like to stay very focussed on my gameplan when I bet. I try always to disregard the opinion of others as when I let myself be influenced I usually end up losing. I hold my own opinion in very high regard when I am doing things right. BUT - though Ive done well for a while there are times I still want to switch the TV on and punt in every race for entertainment. That would lead to disaster - I know this because ive doen it a million times over. THe word 'Boredom' interests me again because even despite the debt I got into first time around, my mum insisted I wasnt a compulsive gambler at first (and I feel still doubts it though she tolerates the idea). She said that I gamble because I am bored, not addicted and that it is not a COMPULSION but a CHOICE. I have pondered that for a long time because I think she may be right. I make a choice to sit and bet on every race. I knew I was doing it in the past and I didnt stop, so why? Was it because I couldn't or because I didnt want to? The thing that makes me question my compulsive gambling also is that it is only racing. I have had the odd bet on golf and greyhound without issue and I am a regular football punter which doesnt trouble me but with racing I could sit hour after hour giving myself opinions on races to have a bet. If you think about an alcoholic - they are not just addicted to one spirit and able to drink others so how can it be the same issue with gambling and just selecting one or two sports? Anyway thats my issue and should prob be on my diary, not yours so sorry about that! Somewhere in amongst that was my point about CHOICE. Do you think on some level we CHOOSE to gamble wrecklessly because we are bored and just want to pass the time? If so where is the line between choice and addiction?

A small strategy which has helped me gamble well lately (not that I mean to encourage you but just as a tool in your bag to stop you going random again if you ever did try) is that I tried to watch races without a bet as potential winnings for the future. An activity for gathering form and information which would help me find future winners. So that I felt I was still gaining from the experience even though I hadn't bet at the time.

That being said - here I am back on the site for other reasons than the financial so really what do I know?!

I just always get the sense that when you stop gambling you are only doing it because you feel you have to, never because you want to. Thats how I would have described it for myself too though when I stuck at it, my life did change for the better eventually.

Hope you are making a good start to the week. I am off work on hols at the mo so even more time to fill!

Eyes X

Great post again eyes, makes me think we should meet up and discuss all this, we seem to have so much in common!

You are bang right that I have never WANTED to stop, only stopped because I think I have to to try and get finances better, but I still believe and probably always will, that I can eventually succeed at betting on chosen events in a controlled manner.

Which leads me on to your question about choice - if I could keep to controlled gambling and be successful, then I guess it would ( and probably has in the past) become boring. Yes I would have the ups and downs of winning and losing but if overall I could say that I was going to win an average amount a month, that probably wouldnt satisfy me, I'd look for new bet types, take more risks etc. because from experience the biggest thrill is when I have lost a large amount but somehow manage to recover it and feel like a hero. I usually recover it on an advanced sports bet which I am relatively confident of, having lost it all on random rubbish, so if I could have just held off from the random in the first place, I'd be well in front!

In random sessions where I am losing more and more am I doing it through compulsive behaviour or choice? Well I always know how much I have lost at any time and how much I still have available to lose and I always think of the consequences and always leave myself money which is 'necessary' for bills and petrol and things like that so I am part in control. ( In various past times I have not left myself enough for those things but have known I could increase an overdraft, credit limit, loan etc. so I have put a bet on thinking 'if this loses I'll need to get a loan', stuff like that.

But there have been times (a lot of them )when although I have had the above thought processes, I feel I am 'not allowed' to depart the bookies until I am either in profit or have tried everything to get to a profit situation and lost the lot. I cant do a random session and walk out having lost, however putting a sports bet on in advance and losing is absolutely fine, because the amount is within a limit, affordable and is put on in a controlled manner with the next focus only on the next identified sports event.

Sorry I am probably rambling a bit here but the essence is I can be successful and happy on advance sports but when there arent enough of those events I need some 'action' and I gamble on anything and its some combination of through choice and through compulsion and is dirven by boredom, stress or need to feel alive and show emotions.

This morning when I woke it took 10 minutes before I thought about gambling or debts. 10 mins may not seem a lot but I have gone through 25 years where I wake up every morning and think immediately about the bets fro

the day before and those planned.

At present I have no bets planned. I wandered into the bookmakers at lunchtime and stayed less than a minute, no urge to gamble, in complete control. From experience I know my next bet will be one planned in advance and random gambling is miles from my thoughts and will not happen for a very long time (obviously I hope never ).

Progress indeed captain, I've felt the urge to walk into the bookies just to see and feel my reaction, as at the moment feeling really good about not gambling, but thought "what's the point" as it really isn't part of my life at the moment.

Anyway, well done for now, long may it continue.

Paul

Walked into bookies today again, read the ***** ****. just reading the sports information, no inclination to bet, no urges, staying on peripheray. Another boring night ahead, nothing much to do, listen to music or watch some telly I guess.

Hi C,

When i read the response to my last message which you wrote I just nodded away as if I had written it myself! Thats exactly how i used to be and I am sure could still be in a momentary lapse of concentration.

As you say if can be easy to make money from what you call 'advanced sports bets'. It is what comes around them that destroys everything. Quite often I used to pick 2-3 horses in a day after a careful study in the morning and getting the right prices but if I was off work and my first selection wasn't running til maybe 4pm, there was no way I was going to last til then patiently watching all the racing from 2pm til 4pm and not gambling. So I would fritter away money to keep myself amused and often find myself in a position that by 4pm even if my carefully chosen selecions both won, I would only recoup enough to get back what I had lost in the preceding two hours. Awful stuff. Then a tactic I often used was to 'double' my stakes on the original selections so that if the did both win, it would 'restore/rectify' the situation to what it should have been if I hadn't placed the 'fun/random' bets!!! Of course the doubling occasions were the ones where they got beat!

Anyway I have had a very boring day. It was ok until dinner time as I had found things to do. Then I just sat and got really P***** off and went to bed for three hours! As such I am now wide awake close to 1am.

I am glad you are seeing some small benefits. Even that few minutes in the morning can soon be extended to hours and days of freedom hopefully.

The future is open, we must only try to do what seems right for us today I suppose.

Kind wishes

Eyes X

Thanks for post Eyes.

Just to add to your scenario....I spent 3 years trying to be a 'professional gambler'. I remain convinced based on noted bets that I would have been successful if I had the discipline. Like you I noted selections each day and can remember many days where I only bet my selections and had I stuck to that it would have been fine. Say I identified one horse running at 5.00 and found other things to do that day and then had the one bet that was fine, but there were too many other days where like you I got involved in everything else and regardless of my original selection winning ended up losing on the day - madness!

Then there were the days where after 3 hours study I couldnt convince myself to bet on anything so I spent my time going on day trips and sightseeing and it was more like being on holiday but I ran out of places to go and it was costing too much as well so back on to the cycle of trying to be a pro!

I also stupidly got myself into a thought process which went along the lines of identifying a selection which was priced to win me say £200, but it wasnt running till late afternoon, so why wait for that, I could go and just bet on whatever was running at 11.00 and win the £200. Because I did this a few times I drfited into thinking I could wander in anytime and win £200 or more and walk out every day and I abandoned the original policy of studying and identifying selections. Then after after huge losses under the 'new' approach I tried going back to the old approach, then abandoned horse racing completely and focused on sport, but couldnt stay there.

So I have gone from fun gambling to trying to be a professional to loads of debt, remortgating, returning to work and now stuck between another attempt at controlled versus quitting completely!

Hi Cap'n

You seem to be in the same situation as I am at the moment, in that my thoughts are leaning towards quitting completely.

Done this before from January to July a few years back, during the height of the football season. Don't really know why I started again.

I too have formed all sorts of strategies of controlled bets, but never been able to maintain this for any length of time.

Anyway, the satan that is Stelling starts soon, and in a bit of quandary as to what to do. I'm sure only time will tell.

Have a good weekend.

Went to bank at lunchtime today and withdrew £500. Went into bookmakers, had a look around, read the paper. No urge. No bet. Good test. Passed.

Another boring weekend coming up but I'll cope I think.

hiya C,

Again everything you remarked on about trying to be a pro gambler was something I could relate to. For me I would have said I was semi-pro as I never quit my job as it was in racing so no need but for several years of my life the income I got from gambling by far superceeded the income from my job.

I could appreciate what you said about going day trips and the costs of that and the decisions on some days that there were no valid betting propositions. Why though on some days were you able to do that and walk away and some days you walked into a bookies and gambled impulsively do you think? I ask because I wonder for myself too. As I say, for yearsI gambled brilliantly but for some reason I lost the plot over a period and in truth I have never really figured out why. It annoys me that I don't know but I have often wondered if it related to emotions and circumstance. Perhaps I will never figure it out but the fact I have been able to do it with a good degree of control for the last 6 months has had me asking again why? I think perhaps a year or so of total abstainance made me realise what I was missing and therefore I knew I had to control it or kiss it goodbye forever and that seemed like too much to bear so I had a strict routine and ritual of how I studied, what bets I placed were all noted and I stuck strictly to that but why did all that go out the window years ago? Who knows? Alas as I say it became about more than the money but rather the lack of time and the stress of that lack of time and the fact racing began to take away my new found zest for actual living, something i never had until I gave it up and something that took great amounts of time to aquire. I do urge you to keep going captain, at least for a good few months cold turkey and give yourself a chance to experience the peacefulness that sets in after a while once the restlessness you experience initially dies away.

Hope the weekend passes quickly for you.

EyesX

Two great new hobbies this weekend - clock watching and looking out the window - fantastic !

Just in case anyone is thinking I'm lazy, I've been to the gym, cleaned the house top to bottom and read stuff on here but not gambling still leaves so much time.