Life With Sports Bets Only

Hiya C,

Had a wee laugh at your boredom there, my grandfather stopped leaving the house ten years before his death and spent every waking moment at the window, looking out. I always thought it must have been awful for him staring out as other people went about their lives and his life was simply watching theirs.

In a way though it is like that at first when you give up gambling. Everyone else is carrying on their busy, normal lives and I used to often say 'What the hell are theses people managing to do to fill their day?' I was perplexed by how people coped for a lifetime having never gambled. I also couldnt relate to how the girls I knew went out the whole day shopping on a saturday and loved it. People in their gardens for the day. Folk meandering around parks having picnics. To me these were activities to carry out while you waited on racing starting or on Good Friday when there was no racing!!! Certainly not something to enjoy while racing was freely available in the comfort of my living room! Still, I made up my mind a couple years ago to try these other things and in a way they began to seem more acceptable. Still none of them are really me but I can see now why people enjoy them IF they never knew the thrill of gambling in the first place, then these activities would seem fun.

Still - I dont suppose after a days shopping, gardening or picnicing that any of them ever return home feeling suicidal and depressed. Then they prob never return home feeling elated either. But the one thing they can always feel is SAFE. Whether winning or losing in gambling I cant say I have felt SAFE in predicting what I might do that day. Even though recently I have managed, I still doubt myself everyday and stay supervigilant so as not to go on the chase. That in itself is a stressful feeling. I doubt I will ever trust myself again where gambling is concerned.

When you random gamble which emotion would you say overwhelms you most after it? Though guilt was vey strong for me, I never hurt anyone else financially as no one depended on me. I gambled for myself only. So for me FRUSTRATION was what always came to the fore. I think it triggered a cycle of anger at myself though and changed my perception of myself to a negative one. That is something I am still trying to undo. As a person who thinks they can do anything and achieve anything, accepting defeat was something I have found it very difficult to do.

Eyes X

Thanks again eyes, another good post.

When random gambling, I have unfortunately lost money which others were dependant on and borrowed from family under false pretences to feed my habit. I felt frustrated, Yes, also ashamed of myself. All of this was down to a determination to succeed at gambling and not being able to accept failure. I applaud you for accepting defeat. I still cant do that.

I have spent so much time over the years investigating all sorts of things that other people spend their time doing but have yet to come up with anything that interests me to any great extent. You are totally right that doing all these mundane things you mention will allow them to be safe, without any elation or depression. But we are only on the planet a short time. Do we want to just work, keep our house in order, do things to pass the time which are safe or do we want to be happy and look forward to waking up each day because our lives are meaningful?

My conclusion following many years considering all of this is two-fold:

(i) If you have a competitive or risk taking nature and have followed (non-gambling or gambling) pursuits, you are naturally inclined to crave the highs and lows ( Yes I think we crave the lows, because without them the highs aren’t as good when they come along. ) I know have sub-consciously deliberately lost many times in the past and felt great joy at recouping losses with a big win. So even if you are not gambling, I think if you have this sort of nature, you will look for anything else as a substitute to some degree to fill the void.

(ii) Secondly I think that when observing other peoples pastimes from a distance on your own, these pursuits seem a monotonous and boring way of living. But I firmly believe NOTHING is boring if you are spending time with people you care deeply about. That’s why I cant understand when people on here seem to give the impression that they have a great life with a great partner / kids whatever but they still gambled heavily. I think if I’d had people close to me in my life that I spent a lot of time with over the years my gambling wouldn’t have been a problem. I’m happy in my own company and a loner as quoted before but if I was in company of others close to me I’d surely have been much happier? Who knows? But I’d rather spend time alone than just spend time with work colleagues / friends just for the sake of it when you don’t really have any special feelings for them. I firmly believe if I was part of a happy relationship or family then that would be an instant cure for me to stop any random gambling, maybe even all gambling, but I have much to sort out in my own life before that scenario can occur.

Hi Captain,(and eyes)

Been following these last few posts with interest and also a feeling of i,ve heard and had open discussion before about the topic/s you mention.

Some of my mates at GA have asked the question,what can replace the buzz of gambling??

Answer,being honest,NOTHING!!!! but that only applies to people who ARE gamblers/compulsive gamblers,if you are a non gambler then i would assume you,ve never felt the buzz of a big win and therefore cannot miss what you,ve never had.

Theres a lot of analysing going on between you and eyes and its all good but you have to accept(at some stage) that because you,ve tasted it,enjoyed it then got burnt by it that there has to be a trade off between levels of risk associated with elation.

We,ve all read on here about people playing on-line with freeplay etc and how it just doesnt cut it,WHY??? because the risk factor is virtually zero,i suppose there is an argument to say freeplay could lead you back to realplay and yes i suppose it could but these are all ifs and ands,i am typing here now,could nip out to shop and get run over,why worry.

Anyway getting back to my point,the key to it all is mind adjustment,no easy task you may say and i agree especially you captain and eyes who are intelligent enough to post lucid comments about how gambling currently affects you both,being intelligent i feel can sometimes go against you,example if someone is told to stop gambling and never do it again and they do this they will possibly have more success than someone with more intelligence questioning why should i stop etc,ignorance is bliss at times,i,ve met many blind followers of abstinance who just dont gamble anymore but definately display a lack of fulfillment,anyway you see my point

Mind adjustment for me came about in a reaonably well structured way,i have called it a few things on here in various posts i,ve made"focus without focus" and "i,m not giving up,i,m taking a breather" to name a couple.

I followed many peoples routes before me of losing,winning,losing,losing,losing,winning,winning etc you get the picture and decided i had had enough,i found the help i wanted/needed and listened/talked/opened up and before long realised that i ACTUALLY didnt have to gamble,job done on that part BUT wanting to gamble didnt leave me for a long time and so in maybe the first 3-4 years i stubbornly refused to gamble and if nothing else it kept me safe or another way to view it i couldnt cause any more damage mentally or financially.

Well eventually me being me (a super analyser) wasnt happy with stubbornly refusing to gamble,it didnt feel right that i would "have to be on my guard"not get "complacent" or the old "take it a day at a time" i wanted to be completely free of gambling and also not live in fear of the consequences of gambling again.

This was achieved i feel with a mind adjustment,i told myself that i would have an enjoyable?? day gambling soon BUT not until i had earned it,not until my finances were straight and i could go and gamble win or lose without any effect on me,it worked well it took away the fear of ever gambling again because in a way it was pre-planned that i was going to do it,it had the reverse effect because i never got round to it,i still think about it on occasion for the odd minute or two but i,m much to far forward in my mind to get involved.

So fear of gambling conquered what next??,missing the action,how to cope with missing the buzz of gambling,well i think it ties in with the promising myself a day in the bookies when i,ve straightened myself out i believe because whilst i,m thinking about what i will go and do,i,m IN THE ACTION!!! in a strange sort of way,i,m running theory after theory but never quite getting round to the practical,it seems to work for me.

Now lets get down to the blunt truth of it all,are we convincing ourselves that we are good at gambling if we use discipline,control,studying form etc BUT bad if we dont use these tools BECAUSE if thats the case lets look at our track records,debt,mental anguish,losing more than we can afford and basically becoming ill from the whole gambling pursuit,this cant be right surely???

Gambling is entertainment so why are we not entertained,answer:we want more than gambling is prepared to give and i,m not talking wins here,i,m talking TIME!!!!! we want to be involved in the action all the time and that my friends is gonna cost us!!!

Now i like you am not afraid of the risk of gambling but i,m concerned (not worried) about the possible outcome/s or implications of me being involved,i,ve not been too successful in the past,odd big win here and there but far too many losses,i wonder is it worth constantly chasing that buzz only to realise,YES i can get it but its d**n expensive to get,i may as well book a 2 week holiday to Vegas and at least get all the frills that they give me because i,m chasing the buzz.

For now though i think i,ll carry on with my mind theory that i might have a good old gamble some day but not just yet.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Well I've been on here for 19 months and through all the communications I've seen there have been three categories - you can gamble, stop completely or you are in the minority like me who believe a CG can become a controlled gambler.

What has come through loud and clear is that a CG must see gambling as being in the past, gambling is evil, it ruins your life, you are better without it, if you gamble you should be annoyed at yourself you should try harder to stop, put the blocks in place and see yourself as a sinner if you fall off the rails and try and get back to a place where you despise gambling again and despise yourself for having gambled. CGs who have abstained for a long time are heroes, those still trying to get to that level are supported, pitied and generally advised that total abstinence and a hatred of gambling and seeing it as a massive sin is the best way forward.

One post from ANL on my diary has shown another way, haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day and wondering why it's taken 19 months on here before such a post but if this isn't the turning point for me I dunno what is.

I'm not gonna retype it all but basically this is all about mind adjustment and thinking to yourself 'i'm gonna have a right good gamble one day soon but not today' and staying focused on that thought and RELAXED about it, not continually thinking about what you have done in the past and trying so hard not to do certain things.

There have been a number of contributory factors in my recovery but I really feel right now like this was the missing link for me.

ANL - can't thank you enough mate.

Hi C,

I too though ANL spoke so much sense today. I am so glad you feel the words helped you with a breakthrough of sorts.

So much to digest aswell.

I agree with what you say that there seems to be a requirement of 'hatred' for gambling. I do not hate it, I hate myself when I do it wrong but that's a flaw in me, not gambling. I also never blame bookies as a person with an eating disorder can't turn around and call the supermarkets s**m for selling or advertising food. Some people gamble for enjoyment and love a wee flutter so why should OUR flaw deprive them of that enjoyment. I hate the blame culture.

I still love racing, love the idea of having a bet and so I will never say - I'm NEVER doing it again because I would fail.

Anyway - as you say, some sense at last. Hopefully we can apply this positively to our futures and we will see where it takes us.

Eyes X

Hi Captain, was getting a bit worried that you were feeling a little sorry for yourself recently, and it's good to know that you've seen some light in there to keep you going.

Agree with your comments regarding ANL, like a breath of fresh air, along with Eyes contribution, has brought a new dimension to our struggles.

Keep going, I'm sure we'll find an equilibrium somewhere.

Paul

Eyes/Paul

Thanks for posts.

Just so relaxed about this now, to hell with all these people who think gambling is such a sin and bookmakers are evil.

I have had my troubles, I have huge debts and I cant change that, but the world moves on. I may elect to have a bet today or any other day, or I might decide not to bother. If I dont bet, I wont congratulate myself, If I do I wont get all down on myself either. My mind is adjusted to just get on with life with the confidence that whatever happens, the worst is well behind me and my situation is improving every day.

One day I'm gonna go in that bookmakers and have a right good gamble and blow a couple of grand again like the old days....but not today....

Morning C,

Don't think I have ever read posts from you that were so upbeat. I'm excited for you that you feel that way.

Had to laugh again at our 'social fickleness'! i am beginning to think we were seperated at birth! We certainly went to the same school of thought it seems.

I am really going to make more of an effort with people. As you commented, I too have pushed away many friends over the years and at times I'm sure been quite rude. Visitors neglected while racing was on the tv and as I said before, lateness and frequent cancellations due to racing. Yet some people have persevered with me. I think it's because when I do go to things I can actually be quite good company and people would think I am the life and soul of the party though inside I really feel like a bit of an introvert. I think my sarcasm and quick wit is mistaken for entertainment by them! Anyway I want to make amends in a way to those who have stood by me. I want to be a better friend and sister because my brother has never really understood my gambling issues and often been let down though always the most forgiving.

I was thinking this morning of the happiest memories of my life and they all involve people, Sure some are racing based like the post cheltenham parties etc but others were holidays or parties etc. Not one did I think - 'Remember that brilliant day I sat on my own in the house with the lap-top and won a couple grand. What a joy!' Yes those winning days were good and satisfying in a way but they havent imprinted on my mind as treasures memories. Those all involve people.

I hope maybe this time around you will find those strong relationships you feel you don't have at the moment in your life. I have thought at times if I had got married or had children etc it would have given me a purpose stronger than gambling to live for and fill my days. But I didn't and yeah I am on my own now but there's plenty of time yet to build that life if I do want that however I have seen friends who simply settle FOR rather than WITH someone and again I could never do that either.

Who knows what the future holds but today is looking bright!

Eyes X

Hi captain,

Thanks for the reply on my diary,as i posted to eyes i really should post more on here,i guess i will post as and when a brainwave hits me 🙂

Good that saying isnt it "i,ll go and have a good old day in bookies.....but not just yet....

To add to that i use to think,i might have a gamble tomorrow,we,ll see and then of course the next day i would say nah,i,ll do it tomorrow,its like using procrastination to OUR advantage for a change,i would do stupid head thoughts like drive past a favourite haunt and say to myself hiya boys,i,ll see you soon BUT then get caught up in something else the next day,it works a treat because as i said the other day,i dont believe WE can truly get away from gambling 100%,we,re gamblers and we always will be BUT now we gamble on OUR terms which for me more or less means i dont bother 🙂

Anyway glad to see your more upbeat about the whole gambling/recovery issue,lifes too short to worry about what might not even happen,only thing i would say is DONT take the P**s out of yourself,i,m not here advocating you go gambling whenever you feel like it,what i am saying is treat gambling for what it really is,ENTERTAINMENT that you might??? get for free somedays and others it might cost you a bit.

Wonder if this whole debate is focused on trying to BE a normal gambler instead of some crazy fool that blows his rent money then bleats about why hes done it,thats no disrespect to anyone who has done this and is in the early days of recovery BUT i dont buy into "i couldnt help it" cr**,we ALL know what we are doing when we gamble money we shouldnt,i used to think"f""k it" i,m having a spree,didnt do me any favours back then BUT at least i,ve learnt from that,no bitterness,only angry at myself as the old saying goes,

"YOU PAY YOUR MONEY,YOU TAKE YOUR CHOICE"

Just gotta be smarter cap,you know what gambling can do to you and for you,choose not to gamble for a while with a smile on your face,forget the money saving issue because the time you do go to gamble everything will equal out but hopefully not c*****e you financially and with a bit of thougt,NOT PRESSURE,you,ll be sorted,i could blow a small fortune this afternoon if i chose to BUT i think i,ll leave it till tomorrow,LOL

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Eyes/ANL

Thanks for another 2 good posts.

Eyes - different perspective re memories - my best memories have been ACHIEVED with people but after the achievement my celebration and feeling on my own means more. Never been able to celebrate with others and show my emotions the way I can on my own.

Well this is the first year for a long time I've not had a bet on the Open and yesterday took no more than a passing interest in the Leaderboard.

The football season starts soon and on the first Saturday I may not have a bet. Yes, you read it correct folks, me Captain46, may not bet on the football. I may just choose not, heys its my choice 😉

But I'm not self excluding, not forcing myself, not telling myself I'm a horrible person and gambling is evil and a sin. I'll just be choosing whether to bet or not like choosing whether to have Fish for my dinner tonight or not.

One of these days I'm gonna hit that bookies again so they better get ready and have their tills open to collect all my money, I'm gonna bet every virtual race and grump about virtual jockeys giving horses bad rides, question why virtual horses over jumps never fall, and why all virtual horse races are run over the same distance despite it being obvious some of the horses need shorter distances or are stayers and need longer....

But not today.

Great post Captain, don't know about hitting the bookies hard, but great that your using it as a tool to help you on your way.

Your comments regarding virtual racing are spot on too, and really should be treated as a bit of fun, rather than something to feed our addiction.

Your mindset seems to be really focused at the moment, long may it continue.

Have a good weekend.

Paul

Hello C,

Enjoyed your wee post there. I have watched a little of the golf but not a lot.

The fitness comps I am looking at are mostly Miami-pro Uk ones at the mo, check out the website if it might be your thing 😉

I'm looking at the 2012 events there as possibles so I'd happily kick your a** if you really want a challenge! ;-P Might try a couple less formal ones as warm ups November time if all goes to plan.

On a more serious note you got me thinking on the emotional thing. I hide everything, or maybe don't hide it but just don't know how to show it to people. I realise it's wrong but I think sometimes I view showing emotion as a potential weakness. I like to appear in control and strong at all times though behind closed doors sometimes I am a fruitcake! Don't know if I don't trust people or if I view everyone as a potential 'rival in life'!!! I certainly can't allow myself to depend on people even though sometimes I am sure it would be good for me to do so. Hmmmm, maybe its a therapist I should talk to about this instead of you! Ha.

Have a good day

EyesX

Goin down to the bank withdraw all my money

I may win I may lose but I won't spend it on me and my honey

The bookies will get it I'll lose it all some day

I'll need to sell the house sleep outside on the hay

But hey wait that's the past I don't do that these days

Cos I have a choice not to place bets or lays

I can say yes or no and make my bets rare

Because I got help and support from my friends at gamcare

Nice work Captain!

You really seem to have opened a new chapter!

Eyes X

Hi C,

Hope your absence is a good sign that things are going well for you. I'm coasting along nicely and had a laugh at the silly comment left on your diary which has thankfully been deleted. The high and mighty of gamcare posters who think there's only their way to tackle this.

Missing your chat/sarcasm 😉

Eyes X