Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi all - not been on for a while so just thought I'd give an update for those who know me from the past.

Have stopped gambling now, finally had to self-exclude, didnt want to but it was the only way.

In the past 4 years before stopping I have gambled and kept my debts at the same level. The way financial companies work has allowed me to do this, by purely paying back minimal amounts on each debt each month and then taking the money out again. I could have continued like that till I retire, and then been in a position of my debt not having increased but having no capital to repay my mortgage as I could just continue on interest-only with the lender trusting me that I was saving the capital without asking for any evidence. Of course I havent been saving the capital.

So thats why I stopped, because if I carried out in the same way until retiral I would then have my house re-possessed and be living in some low level rented council flat.

As I've always experienced in periods of abstinence, life is much more boring without gambling, without the stimulation of it. My main worry is that my mind somehow starts to think that going back to old ways is a better way of life and ending up in a crummy council flat when I retire isnt that bad!

Yes I have self excluded from all the local shops and at present have no inclination to gamble, however should I decide in future to do so, like anyone I always have options even if its more difficult to get to other shops. Hope I dont get that desperate. I know I've taken a huge step forward.

Maybe it just takes a while for life to settle down and I'll get to a better place but just going through the motions and knowing it will take 10 years to pay off my debts feels like being at the bottom of a steep mountain right now.

Hi captain! how is your self exclusion and recovery going? I actually just read most of your diary (bit bored lol) and I can really relate to a lot of it.

I've been on this recovery thing for a fair while now too. I think you got some harsh words for a while there but at the same time I understand where those posters were coming from becuase I guess they felt a lot of frustration at the situation.

I think the thing is that a lot of us here have entertained those similiar thoughts of wanting to control gambling. None moreso than me. The only thing is that most of us drop off this forum while we do it (me lol) and pop back up during the 'rock bottoms'.

I, like you, have now realised that self exclusion is the only way. While I have not so openly admitted that I believe I can ''control'' my gambling I know subconsciously I believed that which is why I closed some doors and left others open...so that when I was ''recovered'' enough (ie out of the immediate debt predictament) I could again return to it (next time successfully of course!)

Anyway sorry for beating a dead horse so to speak and I hope you don't mind me bringing up some old stuff I just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest on your diary because reading it has enabled me to clarify my own throughts and experiences with this ''recovery''.

Just read your diary,took me a day,I was fascinated on how a cg could bet on just footy at the wkd,wot a dream scenario. Glad to see you've come to your senses and self excluded,could an alcoholic just have a sunday d'time pint,I don't think so.-tho I totally understood your thinking,and can relate to promising yourself a bet in the future,I wish you all the success in your continued recovery.

Happy christmas Captain

Nwm/charmed life/jeff, thanks for posts and for reading my diary, just read your posts today although they were sent last year, havent been on site for a long time.

I havent counted exactly but it must be about six months now since I stopped gambling. I had long thought I could restrict myself to only certain types of bet and control it but I couldnt and had to resort to self-exclusion.

One thought that I've had for 6 years now though since admitting I had a problem and going through my various stages of recovery - life without gambling is boring and every day I'd rather be gambling. I miss it and I think I always will. I dont and cant subscribe to life being better without gambling in terms of a feelgood factor. Many have said that when you stop gambling you see all these other things you could be doing but I said while in the grips of the addiction that I had long analysed and researched and tried other things but I am simply a person who doesnt have an interest in very much other than sport. I rarely watch sport now, gambling has taken that away from me. Even though I dont gamble now if I start watching sport all I think about are potential odds and the like. I have no interest in watching purely for enjoyment.

Not gambling means less stress and being better off financially. I know I had to start paying off debts and didnt want to be losing my house but those are the drivers. I'd still rather gamble every day in preference to anything else I spend my spare time on.

Going to the gym, reading, watching TV, meeting up with friends, walking etc. etc. are all 'OK' as pastimes.

Gambling gave me something on a different level. It started off as an enjoyable hobby in conjunction with watching sport I would be watching anyway. Unfortunately it became a compulsion which I couldnt control.

Hi captain,

I just wanted to say, I think that's up there with one of the best posts I have read on this site.

Open, to the point and a great indication that this battle is different for everyone

I think it's a shame that you haven't found anything else that you enjoy as much and that makes me feel very fortunate. I also think that it shows immense strength of character on your part to have gone for around 6 months without a gamble

I hope you do find something else to get your teeth into and thanks for the insight

best wishes

Dan

Hi Captain

Great thought provoking post and I am sure there are plenty here that share the same feelings and fears of not finding something else to replace the crazy highs and lows of gambling.

You talked about trying other things such as the gym, walking etc. Well if those things don't do anything you are going to have to look past the obvious, it feels like a check list of stuff we are all supposed to enjoy and for some people its boring as hell. You are going to have to push yourself into new situations and try new things, its a big world and theres plenty of interesting, exciting and amazing things you can do.

I am positive there will be something that will provoke and excite so much more than gambling, I can't tell you as no one can what that is. You will need to take it as the next step of your recovery. We get caught up into this gambling world and feel nothing else can replace it. Don't lose hope that there is more out there.

Cant believe it was January that I last posted. Time flies. Everything in my last post in January still applies so I'm not going to repeat type it.

The stages I have gone through since then are to now realise what a long and tedious battle it is going to be paying off all my debts, to appreciate as others told me that you have to stop gambling completely for a period to clearly see yourself properly as a person and take a true perspective of your life. I've realised that for over 20 years I have been living in a gambling bubble with my life on hold while most others live their lives normally.

I cant replace the money I've lost but I can repay my debts.

I cant replace the lost years but I can try and look forward to what is remaining in my life.

I used gambling as an escape and a way of coping with a life which wasnt fulfilling. I'm now dealing with reality. Filling my time is paramount. Not because spare time makes me want to gamble any more, but it makes me think. When I think I regret. When I think, I want to be 17 again and its not going to happen.

I am 46. It is somewhat ironic that I named myself Captain46 and I am now on what I consider to be the final stage of my recovery at that age. I admitted a problem in February 2005. I thought recovery would be 6 months. I thought recovery would entail still being allowed to gamble on certain things.

It has taken 7 years. I cant gamble anymore. But the main thing is I dont want to gamble anymore.

If someone invents a drug which means I can be 17 again, I'll take it. If not, I wont take the gambling drug, I'll just continue to live on the drug of life.

My thanks again to all those who have helped me on this Forum, even those who came to dislike me (you know who you are!)

My continued best wishes to all those trying to control or stop gambling. Its possible.

Great to hear from you Captain. Enjoy life and try not to regret the past. Your diary is a stand out, as it asks the question 'can I go back to a responsible gambling life?'. The answer for a compulsive gambler is no. Russ

Good to hear you are ok Captain and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

All the best pal.

Russ/Curly/Ade

Thanks for the posts and best wishes to all of you for continued abstinence.

Thanks Ade, still doing ok.

Only point I would make at the moment is that a lot of my free time drags and this shows no sign of getting any better. Having spent most of my free time for about 30 years gambling, it was always gonna leave a big void. My genuine interest in watching sport without gambling was left behind when I was about 17. I have tried watching sport without a bet on it but with a few exceptions it does nothing for me.

I dont need suggestions of what to do with my time. I have had all that and have posted here before about researching a number of possibilities and getting nowhere.

It is simply the case that my only genuine interest in life was gambling but as it became something I couldnt control I wasted what could have been a fine pastime so have to just get used to dealing with boredom.

Good to hear from ye captain.

That last paragraph sums up the compulsive gambler im afraid.

Since you don't like watching sport without a bet,many of us are like that by the way,have ye thought about playing it.

Golf,bowls,snooker to name a few that would pass time without any strains.

I tend to go for long walks to pass my time.

What about passing on some of your experience on here to newer diaries. That'll pass time ?

Anyways best wishes and good to read you are well.

W.P

Hi Captain, hello to you, a very honest and sincere diary,

I gambled for twenty years and have now stopped for four.

I can very much identify with what you are saying - my life felt very empty for a while and I didn't feel that I could replace that gaping void in my life.

You clearly don't need a long list of activities to try and neither did I at the time. But what I did need was something; you believe that you miss gambling but you can't miss something that is false and so totally fake - yes, it gives you a high but there is no fulfillment or end result - all you are left with is "stake" money that you can only use for playing again. And because there is no genuine joy or fulfillment, you seek to repeat those feelings, which ultimately lead to losing - it's a self-destructive entity.

For me, I had to start again as a person. If things weren't giving me the fulfillment that I needed, then I was going to try twenty different things that I had never done before, whether they interested me or not. And I did them all - which lead me to not only enjoy my life again, but I could also enjoy the things, such as sports, as I did before.

At 46, you are still a relatively young man and there is every chance you have more years in front of you than behind - you could still have a whole new life without this affliction and your past hanging over you.

You are clearly an intelligent man - I don't want to preach to you or go over old ground that you have walked upon many times, what I want to do is say that, sometimes, we need to move in a totally new direction to move forward. I have walked many miles in your shoes my friend and I know what it is like to feel like the day is about getting from A to B and nothing else. The main thing is to not only change ourselves, but to re-learn who we are as well - don't allow yourself to believe any different, don't allow yourself to truly believe that gambling once gave you some sort of pleasure - you are better than that my friend.

I sincerely wish you well. I hope you can find peace and fulfillment my friend - all of us are guilty of looking in the wrong places for it, some of us do that all our lives.

JamesP

Hi Captain, I've got an idea which could be of real use. Read 'The Chimp Paradox' by Dr Steve Peters. I think it will be a massive help to you + it will pass the time!!