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My Diary of Shame

 
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 Anonymous
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Topic starter
 

If you click on Forums & scroll down to the Recovery Diary box it should guide you from there! Failing that, give Gamcare a call!

You're not alone now! You can beat this - ODAAT

 
Posted : 6th July 2015 5:36 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Odaat, thank you for support on my diary. Here is to another day "G" free. Take care

Mary x

 
Posted : 6th July 2015 6:02 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hiya Junie, lovely return of serve there with your Van Morrison reference ;-))

I'm still 'keeping the faith' if I said it was a doddle I'd be "lying through my teeth", but when Mr Gamble comes knocking I remind myself how I felt 227 days ago :-(( ...myself and the blonde one never want to ride that ruddy roller coaster again 😉

I listen and learn Junie,..from Ade and Suzanne "I look back but don't stare" ..from Coo Coo I "remember to be kind to myself" ..and from ODAAT.."no more riding the storm".

remember to KTF & travel OAU...and thanks ODAAT for being Juuuuuuune..OAO..the Ginger one.

 
Posted : 7th July 2015 1:08 am
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi junnieee,

Cocker Spaniels sure are energetic to say the least:) but I had it down to a tee walking them both at the same time, little and large always came to mind.HD.

You are doing fantastic as you are nearing the 3%, I wished I knew why we did not see the light earlier, but we have now, and we are not going back to Mr Gamble, he has had his day.

Being in recovery is a whole new journey isn't it HD indeed.

Take care and keep on keeping on starving it.

Blondieeexxx

 
Posted : 7th July 2015 8:15 am
Jamie139
 Jamie139
(@jamie139)
Posts: 176
 

Evening ODAAT

Thanks for the post. I'm glad to know that these dreams happen to others. There really weird been like this last few days. Like you say its crazy. Even when sleeping the gambling demons are still trying there best to suck you back.

I've been really enjoying the tennis although I'm not a Murray fan. People say because I'm from Scotland I should be. However I'm team Fedderer. The amount of money I've wasted in the last few years backing Fedderer to win a slam. Now I no longer gamble this will probably be his year.

I finished work early the other morning and walked through the city centre at 715 and there was 3 bookmakers all within walking distance of one another open.

Keep up the good work

Take care

 
Posted : 7th July 2015 10:40 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi ODAAT

Thank you for your support since I have been on this site.

Your right about my girlfriend, that she should be proud of her self that going on at me so much about this site. She don't think about her self really, she's proud of me that I'm in control and free of gambling for the longest Time since I started 9years ago. After I finished this post I will text her thanking her once again and asking if she feels proud of herself As I do not think outside my own head that often which I defently should do more of.

341 days is amazing!!!

Have you got anything planned for day 365?

Keep this massive effort up, huge well done.

A86N

 
Posted : 8th July 2015 6:43 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Junnnie,

It must be and feel so frustrating watching your Mother gamble recklessly, you do so well keeping calm and concentrating on your own recovery journey,

I don't see either of my sons gamble, I don't ask anymore, but if I was around them while doing it, I think I would blow my top lol,

and bring up alsorts of feelings I do not want anymore.

You are doing fantastic staying strong proud of you.

Blondieeexxxx

 
Posted : 10th July 2015 12:51 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

I knew it was a tube strike so why oh why did I decide to take a stupid little handbag that doesn't fit a water bottle in let alone a spare pair of shoes so that I could wear my trainers?!? @ about halfway into the 3 mile walk I had to sit down & take my left shoe off, half expecting to see flames coming off of the ball of my foot! Needless to say, there were none & on I struggled in my flat Converse, arriving @ my destination, eventually, too scared to take off the other shoe & inspect my blisters 🙁

Getting several buses back seemed like the sensible option but before I'd even joined the throngs of people on the pavement, 3 had gone past letting no-one off & no-one on! There was only 1 thing for it, a Boris bike...What was I thinking :-0 I've used them before, admittedly usually with a helmet & I have to admit, I am rather fond of them! This time, I was smart, I tested the bike before I selected it (no punctures) & after a little saddle re-adjustment I was on my way! 5 minutes down the road, the bike ground to a halt & a cab driver began bibbing me...Oh no, my shirt was no longer tied round my waist, it was wrapped round the chain! I stopped for a little roadside adjustment, stuck fast it would appear as a Megabus whistled past my forehead! I've seen the professionals, turned the bike upside down, fiddled with the chain & then used a bit of brute force & hey presto, a short sleeved shirt but who cares, I was on the road again! The Mall safely negotiated I got to Trafalgar Square where it suddenly occurred to me that the law must have changed...Why was I the only cyclist waiting @ red lights? Little old lady on her butcher's bike resplendent with basket, wobbled straight through, courier rider, all the gear, him too, Boris bikes, mountain bikes, racing bikes, fold up bikes, everyone except me sitting smugly by shaking my head & tutting @ everyone!
Then came a dilemma...How to get past the traffic! Well when I say traffic, I mean the buses & taxis not moving anywhere but positioned right against the kerb! I couldn't ride up the inside because buses are prone to stopping & letting people leap out @ you just after they overtake you, lorries have no vision & cars/cabs (both London & mini) don't seem to come with indicators anymore!!!
Well obviously, I made it to Euston but that's another 5 pages of waffle & I lived to tell the tale as it's Saturday today & here I am! The reason for starting the dramatic post on Thursday was a small smile of progress when I realised that not only had I not thought about gambling all day but I had walked clean on by a number of Central London danger zones without even realising they were dangerous!
I am currently gearing myself up for anticipated urges when I join the 3% club (Mr Gamble inviting me to an all winners party) & in doing so have loosely 'explored' the 12 steps. I'm not ready for a GA room yet but I won't discount it & after an incredible day of learning yesterday, it has occurred to me why my supporting others should have maybe waited! I get that there are many different reasons why people gamble with a number of common denominators but until yesterday, I don't think I fully g rasped that stopping the gambling is only a small part of it! I like to think I have been fair in my offering of advice because let's face it, none of it is my own but to my mind it has hinged largely on the financial barriers! I am still convinced I gambled for greed so in my head, shutting off the supply of money is of vital importance. I think maybe I am coming round to a new way of thinking but I haven't figured out how to change my 'rants' yet! My Sesuo yesterday asked if one could give bad advice & I think people can, I hope that is never me! I want to give good & proper encouragement to those that want it but for people to make up their own minds about how they best pursue their own recovery! I contemplated not posting for a while until I figured this out but no advice is perfect & some advice to my mind is often better than none! Keep choosing 'No', everybody - ODAAT
 
Posted : 11th July 2015 4:56 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Junnniee I can feel you out of breath as you type this wonderful post, (you have not made me laugh in a while) lol but just reading this after reading serious posts I am in hysterics (not in a nasty way ofcourse but I do miss the humour on here, recovery like life is actually give and take, we cannot live life to the full if we just give or we just take.

Don't concentrate too much on this 3% the addiction will love that, just carry on as you have always done, ODAAT because that is what we will always be lol, yes I know you think keep one step ahead which I have been doing, and it's hard work lol, and I still do it, (cleaning my glass house windows before they are dirty ohh :).

Take some deep breaths, d joy your recovery now, (even though you have to keep your guard up) as coo coo says small steps always to keep goIng forwards, this recovery journey will never let us do it at a fast pace, soo don't panic about this 3% and what the addiction is trying to offer you, you know it's c**P ( edited it myself lol)

Also your support and advice on here to many has been very much appreciated, just do what you want to do, I for one loved your post today, hilarious (you should be a comedian lol) you made ME laugh and you have lightened the forum up, as much as Duncs and Dan do in different ways, keep being Junnie (as our dear friend Ginge says) and keep doing what you are doing, but yep keep one step ahead but don't try and start running with recovery HD.

One last thing Hun, thank goodness I don't live in Lundun 🙂 now, I would not be as strong as you with my PATIENCE

Hope you have enough blouses lol and know the new Highway Code for cyclists ooh lol.

Blondieeeeexxxx

 
Posted : 11th July 2015 5:29 pm
duncan.mac
 duncan.mac
(@duncan-mac)
Posts: 4422
 

Odaat.

My dear friend

It has been said and I believe it true that to maintain your own recovery you have to give your own recovery away.

By this I enterprit those words as meaning that by fully believing in your own recovery you are only to willing to share it

Because you want to see others enjoy the same result.

I was honoured to be able to spend some incredibly enlightening moments doing so myself this week, in 3d !!!!

My advice

Keep believing in the choice you gift yourself

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

 
Posted : 12th July 2015 6:41 am
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Junnieee,

Very well done on 344 days! If keeping busy, keeps you away from gambling then you are definetely on the right track! Your cycling jaunt around central London had me exhausted just reading it, without even having to pedal !! Don't be worrying about giving bad advice. If we overanalyse everything before we say it, we end up tongue tied and say nothing at all. You are a born storyteller so keep on sharing. It makes for great reading...we always have Dr. Phil for the really serious stuff . Take care & look after yourself. Suzy

 
Posted : 12th July 2015 8:38 am
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)
Posts: 7083
 

Hi Sesuo/Juuune/ODAAT :-))))

Ha!!! I had to laugh about your cycle round Lundin...what were you thinking! Get on that skateboard instead..no breaks, no problem ☺ 😀

Thanks for your post yesterday, messaging yesterday, email today lol and all that..sometimes i do feel like talking to my twin sister (split personallity lol).
Work is work and i did take your words on about how much i have actually achieved while on my holiday..feels like i set a base for something bigger to build on 😉
We all have to start somewhere huh!

Keep up good work and have a good day...keep choosing no!

Ps. Thanks for letting me brake the other day - safety first 😛

Ps...345, good number to have for today, but the one after will always sound better...PRESSSUUUURREEEEEE

 
Posted : 13th July 2015 3:52 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Hello Mrs D, time for an update & an apology...Sorry I've been so maudling! Been concentrating so hard on not falling off the wagon when I finally reach the 3% club that I forgot my recovery was all about the todays!

Saying that, I'm not actually going to bore you with today because I just went to work & even though I'm on the train, there is no-one being particularly annoying even if I have had to adjust my vision to avoid a love struck couple canoodling! I have so far managed to resist the urge to tell them to get a room but seriously, what age does it become unacceptable to snog! Sorry Ginge, I know it's not you (he's not blessed with the strawberry gene) but I can't help thinking he's gonna ask her "what kind of cheese was that?" any second now :-0
So yesterday I got back from swimming (yep, still going, cheers Dan) & sat out in the garden as the night fell! The NM got back from his bike ride flushed with the success of performing an overtake (he assures me it was an actual overtake & not just riding past a broken down car) & suggested we use the fire pit! Well anyone who has read my diary will know he struggles with the whole Boy Scout skill but I bit my tongue as he loaded the kindling (to make a base) & then the log that had failed to burn last time we used it (even though it's been raining) & then the firelighters (can you see me shaking my head)?!? It transpires that @ some point he got something to light because even the dog stopped investigating the garden and came & cowered behind him as the smoke began to bellow out! "Oh no, the poor neighbours" he said as he checked over the fences to ensure they had no washing out before sitting down to comment that he should put some paper on to warm it up?!? It sure does beat the last frantic feeding of notes into the FOBT's before the bookies close but I'm not sure the neighbours would agree! Not only did our clothes have to go straight in the wash but the dog hummed too, along with the entire house & our windows were closed! A bottle shaped apology is on the cards for the neighbours, question is, how many do I buy 😉

Gamble free ODAAT - Juuuuuune

 
Posted : 13th July 2015 11:09 pm
day@atime
 day@atime
(@dayatime)
Posts: 1345
 

Not sure how many you buy, but i have always found it useful to get a couple extra, just in case if you know what i mean. Glad to hear i could motivate you regarding the swimming lol.
I have a challenge for you miss Odaat for when you reach the 3%club, which i have no doubt you will. I want you to sign off a post, any post to someone else on your day 365 with an x. This will surely be a sign of how far you have come.

Dan x

 
Posted : 15th July 2015 1:42 pm
 Anonymous
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Xxxxx no stopping me now lol, HD, Ohh Junnnieee xxxxx

 
Posted : 15th July 2015 5:04 pm
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