My Diary of Shame

What are you doing languishing at the bottom of page 2??

Good to read that your recovery continues unmolested by the evils of gambling. Our place is a good place to be, but it's good to keep reminding ourselves that we're still vulnerable. We shouldn't become complacent.

I've just read that back and it all sounds a bit doom and gloom, dark thunder clouds rolling over the hills. Definitely talking to myself rather than you, I think!

That word was H I L L s. Terrible expletive!

Hi Sesuo!

You can run but you can't hide! :-P...page 3 huh :-0

Happy birthday!!!! Lol..i know it's a little to late now but hey ya cannot hide ur "aging" persona ☺
Hope that cliff is safe and no one about to attempt to push you 🙂
That's about rite, I'm over here after all so ya safe 😀

Keep on winning gal, recovery gifts life...take it - it's for free, embrace it!

One day at a time huh

Keep on winning

HAPPY BIRTHDAY juniee, what ever day it is lol, you did not quite make the Scorpio,crew,,but geminies have their their own strong personalities, lol, enjoy Cornwall, enjoy whatever comes and don't think back

Keep choosing recovery.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Juniiiieee,

I never know how to spell that name!

A year older, a year wiser......435 days is brilliant !

Hope all is well and you are enjoying life.

Suzy

Thanks for all the birthday smiles everyone, another year older indeed...Like a fine wine 😉 Or so I keep telling myself, I don't drink (don't be too disappointed LB, not taking a corkscrew was day one of Brownies' training) so I couldn't possibly comment!

I've just scared myself witless borrowing the NM's car as turns out mine wasn't registered in November after all :-0 I was going to saying driving his car but I'm not sure I can class what I did as driving...Not only does it look like I'm in an aeroplane but it feels like it too & I'm not even sure what was the scariest bit! Suffice to say I've never been more afraid of crashing in my entire life...Not even when I sped (it felt faster than it was, it does in a van) to my new house with all (& by that I mean everything) my worldly possessions in the back of a Luton! After all these years I finally understand what John Travolta was singing about but for a little old lady who bought her car because it had a sun roof, you can shove your adaptive cruise where the sun don't shine...I'd rather double declutch!

So I'm conscious that I'm drifting slowly away & a small part of me feels guilty but another part is just chuffed that recovery doesn't hurt anymore. I'm still pained by money...I'm happier spending £54 plus petrol to hire a van & spend 4 hours collecting a second hand sofa than I am buying anything new & 'holidaying' in a flat with no fridge or cooker isn't the easiest thing in the world. Strange that 75k & mounting of gambling debt couldn't bring me to my knees but the thought of spending a few hundred quid on a washing machine brings me out in a cold sweat because I can't pay it off of the credit card until pay day! Mortgage repayments now feel like real debt, before it was just another source of tokens or rather a way to replace the tokens I had blown! Money still terrifies me but it's a healthy fear & fridge or no fridge, recovery is the best place I've ever found!

Am I cured? Never! Will I ever be? Nope! Do I care? No, not really! 'Driving' that 'spaceship' today, I began day dreaming that time travel is round the corner...Maybe it is but I ain't going back (not for all the tea in China)!

Keep winning everyone - ODAAT

You seem to have found a steady balance (even though money is still an issue) it still is with me lol.but I guess that is quite natural really, because we had to have money to feed Mr G, it was the only ingredient we needed:((

Keep strong junnieee and keep moving OAUs

Suzanne xxx

Happy belated birthday! Glad your continuing on the pathway of recovery, us compulsive gamblers can def relate to blowing mountain loads in gambling but panicking over a 200 washing machine or for a me a 30 quid pair of jeans but not battering a eye lid on blowing 2 k the night before on online slots! Madness?! yes!! it most certainly is...

Wow, odaat. You never stop helping. Thank you for your words of encouragement in the past.

This forum is wonderful and that's down to people like you who give so much of their time to helping strangers. Inspiring. Well done on your own continued abstinence. I wish you well, your friend John

Hello ODAAT,

Thankyou for your comments on my diary. Happy belated birthday.

Fobts were my downfall too. Them machines are highly addictive. I am like yourself as i think i will always be tempted to gamble. Every day is a challenge.

I must read your diary tonight. What i have read you have helped and inspired alot of folks on here already. So well done !!!!

Good luck on your recovery.

Ribit- gambling toad.

Thankyou for your comments ODAAT,

I have to say the post was funny too but some great advice too.

My friend does know I gamble but I only have enough for a few beers tomorrow.

You had a good point about lifes riches. For too many years i worried about money. Now i have a roof over my head and food with a good wife. I don't need money.

Live life and laugh. Fobts remove the laughter and if them machines could talk, well they would laugh out loudly as you pump them with money.

I leave you with a real situation it happened about 10 years ago. I played the fobt golden track game loads in the bookies. The clerk shouted over 'his wifes gonna buy him one for xmas lol' the bookies clerk laughing at me. Says it all.

Toad

Hello ODATT,

Thank you for your comment on my diary yesterday, I was having a really bad yesterday, guess I'm struggling to get my head round it all, I feel like I'm losing something I'm desperately trying to hold on to but I don't want to hold on to it anymore.....I must remember one day at a time! oh and to breathe!!!!

Well done on your journey, from my side of the fence where I'm struggling to pass the 2 week mark it's nice to see all the days added together like that.

Onlyme

Hello ODAAT.

Just wanted to pop by and say Hi. I really hope you are well and gamble free. Many thanks for your lovely post last month and sorry for not replying until now. I myself have been very busy with work during the week and helping to manage Louis' u8s football team these past few weekends and have had not had any time to give to my addiction however that also extended to posting here I suppose. I am still very much on the straight and narrow and as you say the children really are great at keeping one occupied. For my part I will not stop worrying until my only liability is the mortgage and DMP but that will be a good few months away. As long as I do not gamble every day that light at the end of the tunnel gets a litte brighter - hopefully so does yours! Take good care of yourself. Mark

Hi Juuuunnnnee,

Thank you for your recent post on my diary.

Hope you are still going strong and looking forward to your big day.

Keep strong and enjoy!!

Recovery is possible

Ade ;0)

Good luck and have a great day today Juuuuuuunnne! ;0)