My FOBT recovery

Day 58.

I have grown to realise that the money I blew each day gambling was enough to eat out as a family each day , I have found more often than not in recovery we have eaten out more than ever basically due to the extra money I seem to have through not gambling , either that or the spare money we have seems to be used on eating out.

After 58 days the amount of money I have saved and the relief of waking up knowing I haven't blown a weeks money is amazing , I sleep much better and good sleep is a huge bonus , the sleepless nights when gambling are endless wondering how I would cover up the losses.

Today I will not gamble I will go buy my litte boy some last minute birthday presents , I thought nothing of blowing hundreds on the roulette so a little tykes car at under £40.00 is a mere drop in the ocean especially when his face when he see's it will be worth a million wins on the roulette.

Day 59.

Had the urge to gamble a lot last nght and today , I need to practice what I preach and stay strong but sometimes when im down and money seems tight I get the urge to go win some "free money"

Of course it doesn't work like that and I pump hundreds into the chase and usually end up breaking even and thankful I won my chase money back or I come away with a very small profit.

Things look pretty grim financially bad few weeks trading and this is when I would usually gamble to make up what I haven't made through the business , I realise this only happens a few times in a year and I need to be more careful when times are good and save for the bad ones.

If the wedding wasn't in 3 months I would be more relaxed but the whole of the wedding in terms of paying for it falls firmly at my door , no outside help and although I have budgeted for it , it leaves me pretty short if we have an emergency , I guess I just need to get my head down and get some work in to keep the stress levels down.

Hoping tomorrow will be day 60 which will be another milestone for me.

Hi John,

59 days of abstaining and maintaining, and winning.

That one bet would not work, because if you did win, you would not stop. And your debt would be worse either way win or lose.

Push through these thoughts and have a real win today.

Take care stay strong and safe.

Suzanne xx

Day 60.

I am so pleased that two days before I turn 35 I have made it to 60 days without gambling.

It will I guess always be a struggle , I am a self confessed complusive gambler , for the first time in my recovery I walked past a bookies yesterday , it was one with particular bad memories of a blow out a few years ago which ended up with me in a serious panicked financial struggle , however through the struggle I realised that the job I was doing for someone else I could easily do on my own , it was back then I set up my own business and whilst it is a struggle making ends meet sometimes I make considerably more money now than I did working for someone else , couple that with the fact I am my own boss , can clock off early when I want to if im not too busy and the fact general work life is a happy affair whatever happened in that bookies on that day pushed me into my own business.

The truth is back then I was greedy , always wanted more , I was paid a good salary but I was blinkered and didn't appriciate that because I gambled my money away , bonus money , xmas money you name it when times were good I found a way to blow it all , if I had been careful with my money I would be a very rich man now.

My heart skipped a beat when I looked into this bookies yesterday , it hadn't changed , the same old routine of free biscuits and a coffee and endless people playing the roulette , it makes me feel sick to think the youth of today are been suckered in and with profits higher than ever in these places I often wonder when something will be done.

I have hate for one or two people in my life but I would not wish this disease on them , gambling single handed took big parts of my life away , ruined relationships , health and my own sanity at times.

A new chapter in my life means I am 60 days into recovery , a girl I love I will marry this year , the perfect little boy who turns 2 tomorrow and a future to look forward to.

My future will only get better now gambling is not in my life and I urge anyone struggling with gambling to try the path to recovery.

John. It a been a while but wanted to congratulate you on two months without a bet and for having the self-control to walk past that shop. Your post says so much. You are your own boss. You have a lovely wife to be and a lovely child. Now you are not gambling you can truly appreciate what you have. Gambling does give us blinkers and disguises all the positive things we have going for us. I really hope you can savour those great things you have enough to stay away from that which threatens to destroy them. Still rooting for you. Good luck. Mark.

Thanks Mark, it is a long old struggle it's only when you stop gambling you realise how bad it had got , for me it is a daily battle in my life and even trips to the seaside I realise now that I dont want to go anywhere like Blackpool because the fruit machines and casino style games are everywhere , it is similar in pubs and a few times recently I have nearly cracked under the pressure.

Day 61 today and will enjoy the weekend gamble free , the road is long but I know I am on the right path after years of trying to get on the path I am slowly learning to walk.

Well done on 61 days John,

Have a lovely gambling free weekend.

Suzanne xx

Day 63.

I only class a month in 31 days so im glad I have two full months under my belt and start my journey on month free.

One year older yesterday and 63 days wiser today , the greatest birthday present I have been gifted for this year is recovery and long may it continue.

Day 64.

Another day and feel blessed I have managed to get this far , reading the new members intro is a stark reminder of the battle people have daily , this place is a god send and I hope it can help many more people onto the right path.

Day 65.

Steadily making my way to the next milestone which I am hoping will be 100 days , just over a month away but feeling relieved that I have made it this far , something never clicked into place in previous failed recovery attempts but this time I feel I have turned a huge corner , not just with gambling but in every day life.

Heres hoping.

Well done on 65 days John, FOBT's are my vice or I should say 'were'. I have got a jar trick, log onto my diary to find out more, still not too late for you to start. It's a physical representation of gamble free days. Take care.

Paul

Hi John

The FOBT's are so addictive, once on them you can't come off. In Ireland they are not allowed in bookies, when I asked the cashier of the counter at a bookmakers why they aren't allowed, she replied 'they belong in the casino'.

If you starve a plant of water it dies, for about 3 months now I have been noticing as I walk past bookies that less and less people are playing them now. Even the few people I know that play them are saying they don't bother anymore as they keep losing all the time. Hopefully we should see the back of them soon.......

Paul

Day 66.

I must admit Paul when I was in Dublin it was very relaxed this was back in the day when I enjoyed a bet and noticed no gaming machines at all , this is how it should be everywhere but sadly isn't.

The longer I abstain the better my resolve seems to be bit like the water and the plant theory.

Long may it continue.

Day 68.

I suddenly realised this week when someone mentioned it I had missed and not even noticed the Cheltenham Festival , I used to love horse racing bad sadly part and parcel of my recovery means I have to leave that part of my life behind me , I feel cheated that a sport I once loved had to be lost but the victory for me is in the recovery.

I still have two very expensive horse racing pictures in my front room on the wall , part of me wants to keep them and part of me wants to get rid of them and put something fresh there , I would never recover the money I paid for them and my partner loves them so I guess for now they will stay.

I often wonder the effect the new fobt had on my gambling , back in days before the roulette and other machines I was addicted to fruit machines and other forms of gambling but the self destruct for me was always on the roulette machine , I lost thousands of pounds at a very alarming rate , in a hour session I have gone through £3k yet when I gambled responsibly on sports it seemed in control.

The fobts certainly have a lot to answer for but now the mainstream bookie is promoting safe betting I think the major enquiry that might have happened will still dormant for a good while yet , just enough time to sucker a few more billion quid from the youth of today who get suckered in with free bets.

Hi John

Exactly like me buddy, sports betting including horses, football coupons and YES virtual racing (stop laughing) was great, great CONTROLLED fun for me but the FOBT's used to destroy all that!

Keep strong

Paul - 119 Not Out.