My FOBT recovery

Keep pushing through these, you have beat them before & will do this time, coming out stronger the other side! Addiction doesn't like us getting into club 100 & it is trying it's hardest to knock you off the road you are on with its false promises of riches (that it has never delivered on before)...Don't give it the satisfaction! This far down the line, I bet you have a lot more than you had in some days gone by & rest assured you will find a way to make it last!

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Day 85.

Thought filled day of gambling.

Went to the gym to cool off and try to focus on my recovery , I am doing so well I would be heart broken to get this far and let it all go.

Thanks for your support 😉

You are stronger than the addiction now John, keep focusing and keep guard up, these negative thoughts will soon pass, and you will,feel even stronger then.

Well,done on 85 days of winning.

Suzanne xxx

Day 86.

This week is about how I deal with the constant battle within myself and how I control the non gambling and my moods.

Since I stopped gambling I am much happier within myself but it does and will make me very grumpy , the outside and family life is amazing but when I have my own space and free time which was usually occupied by gambling I dont feel the same excitement like I did with the gambling.

I miss the buzz but not the pain that goes with it , I dont miss coming home head in hands not knowing what to do or where to turn , I dont miss having to juggle my finances , robbing peter to pay paul etc.

My mind is honestly a mess at the moment not knowing how to put this right is awful , how do I control my moods and fill my free time , the biggest is my mood swings , im reluctant to discuss with my local doctor because I guess he would just put me on happy pills , something ive never considered.

You need to do something with your free time! Have you had a look @ NT's thread on tips for keeping busy?

You know the pros of gambling were short lived & the cons ruined you, bringing you here so you have put the gambling to right by choosing recovery! You need to keep reminding yourself that it wasn't an exciting time, it was traumatic & it broke you! It is still trying to break you & will continue trying!

There is no holy grail, once we stop gambling, there is just life for us & normal people don't spend their days bouncing off the walls in glee! You are strong enough to keep fighting this, you just have to start believing in you!

Stay strong - ODAAT

Day 87.

My battle with compulsive behaviour.

So 87 days since I chose the path to recovery and a great journey of up's and down's , looking through the window of the bookies when I visit town to go shopping and my heart flutters seeing all the bright lights and fun of the fair.

Truth is it was never the fun of the fair and the amount of times I went into the bookies with a wallet full , came out and went to the bank until I could withdraw no more lost the lot and then went home drained is countless.

I always remember the few times I got the better of the bookies , few big online wins , winning the jackpot on a cruise ship , my first ever bet Minnehomma winning the grand national back in the ealy 90s thats what kept me going , blinkered by the fact I would win my fortune I kept going back , back somemore and back until I was broke.

I once did a car boot sale to keep the wolf from the door , made a few quid and within 30 minutes of me being home blew the lot in the roulette , that was one of many low points , others left me close to the edge and by close I mean within hours of taking my life such was the deep dispear I felt when losing and trying to break the cycle.

My journey takes me from the lowest point in my life of close suicide to this point in my life , 8 weeks away from marriage , 2 year old son and my own business , not to mention 87 days of recovery , I dont often give myself enough credit for 87 days , to some it doesn't sound a lot but to me "a gambling maniac" it is everything.

This illness "compulsive gambling" is hidden away and is not given enough exposure , the truth of the matter is it takes and will continue to take peoples lives on a daily basis , the few fortunate enough to find this website there is hope and a reality that it can be beaten.

No group therapy / counselling can replace the support and huge help people on here offer , my recovery is aided by this website and thank each and every supporter for getting me this far.

Do I finally detect a bit of pride 🙂

87 days is a good solid foundation for your new life & I get that you have had to fight for every single one of them but in life terms, it is still early days & it will get easier. Everytime the addiction tells you it was fun, you pushing back with the truth will weaken it. You can't change the past but you can learn from it to improve your future! I know that you will come out of this particularliy difficult time a stronger person, I just hope you are able to pat yourself on the back when you do!

This site has made my recovery possible & I join you in thanking everyone too!

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Day 91.

Thanks for all your kind words and support in which is and will be a testing time.

This weekend was a real battle not to gamble and it is slowly turning me into a real grumpy person , I snap and shout at everything my partner suggests and just not myself.

The battle inside each and every day is really taking it's toll , do I need doctors help if this carrys on ?

John

Fella don't be too hard on yourself

Only you can decide whether you need to seek professional help, with honesty I was over two years into recovery before I sought help in a professional capacity and then I had to walk through many doors, talk to a wealth of uninterested folk before I found genuine help.

I was shocked at the general response, the ease of which various folk wanted to hand out medication without the qualified research, it appeared to be the first solution, the easiest way out.

Today over a year on from my initial visit I am mentally in a much better place than I have been my entire life.

I refuse to seek the easiest option, because like gambling it isn't the always the one with the desied outcome, today I do it without the immense anger I carried.

Life is a working progress.

My goal is to live in harmony with my own mind

I know that the outcome has a profoundly positive effect, not just on my own life to boot.

Maybe it's time to open a few new doors my friend, shutting some that have a place only in your past.

Be proud of what you are achieving, it is truly amazing.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Dunc.

Day 92.

A lot of what Duncan says rings true and I need to find inner peace within myself to help with the battle which will be with me forever , I cant go from 21 years of gambling to totally abstaining without somewhere down the line miss gambling.

Yes I miss the thrill of the fair but I should be comforted by the fact I no longer have sleepless nights and long periods of guily because ive blown all my money.

Life is a struggle which was made harder through my addiction , for me now I need to find a way to stop my sudden mood swings and all the grumpy old man syndrome that goes with it and look at what will help.

The answer im guessing will be ga meetings but the times / days and location make it difficult , but I need to find a way to go to one and see what it is all about , surrounding myself with people in similar if not worse situations than mine could help.

Hi John, thanks for your supportive message,

93 days today WOW that 100 is getting very near,

Keep up with all your hard work, that you have given recovery and keep winning.

Take care.

Suzanne xxx

Day 93.

Watched a lot of the football last night and again had to fight the urge not to bet , my thoughts even turned to who would take my bet given I have self excluded from the bookies , thankfully I live in a small village with no shops , no bookies and two small pubs so no chance of me walking and putting a bet on , when I moved it was in my head that I would be moving from a main road full of bookies to a quiet village with not much going on , I think not having the ability just to walk to the betting shop helps massively but there I shouldn't look at it like that.

Good Friday will be another huge test for me , meeting friends I haven't seen for sometime and arranging a visit to the new craft beer bars which have opened locally , the one plus side to the new modern independant pubs is the fact they have no machines other than a jukebox , not like the chains of pubs who have a corner that looks like Blackpool illuminations.

The test will come because the whole town is littered with bookies , I have ome through the test many times and know deep down if I find the urge too much I will simply take myself off home like I did last time.

I dont want to give friends control of my money , simply if I cant do it on my own then the problem is bigger than I imagined.

Thanks everyone for the support.

John,
There is no shame in accepting defeat, that something has the better of you, that you are powerless when in its grip. Acknowledging that addiction is part of us & is not going away is the greatest lesson to be learnt. When i try to assert my will over it & believe i can control or banish it for ever that is when it fights back throwing urges my way whispering its only one bet on the footy wheres the harm.

Learn to co exist with it. Offer it things preferable to the gambling. Directly tackle things instead of letting addiction take away the problem for a period of time. Urges only ever subside when we find a new coping mechanism to the things in life which trouble us

Day 94.

Spot on day at a time.

I have to learn to live with the urges which no doubt in time and with a new way of life will hopefully change , the more gambling persists in trying to break me down the stronger my resolve.

The way I look at things is I reach the 100 club next week and nobody will take that away from me.

Hi John,

Living along side the addiction is doable and its not that bad, we just have to keep one step ahead, and with all the adverts and bookies etc around, in away thst keeps us focused without realising it at times. so we can use all their advertising to our advantage

Good positive post and you are so right nothing can take your gamble free days away, they are amazing, that 100 is nearly here,

Be very proud of your achievements and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

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