My FOBT recovery

Hi todayistheday,

Was interested in your post. I enjoy a football bet and to be fair I would never think of doing a £100 football bet although I would have no problem putting £300-£400 into a FOBT machine. I tried to keep my bets to football but the problem was when I went to place a bet in the bookies I always ended up on the FOBTs as well. Then I tried doing the football bets online but ended up playing roulette online as well. I found that a bet was a bet regardless of what it was. By doing football bets I was maintaining gambling behaviour which meant I had the capacity to 'fall off the wagon' again. For me complete abstinence is the only way of breaking the cycle. Not for everyone I know but the scourge of FOBT was so bad for me that I had no option. I would love nothing more than to be able to stick to football bets but I know from past experiences what it can lead to!

Today is the day.

Fobt's have taken many people in my close circle of friends including my old work friend , his wife knew nothing of the addiction he killed himself and then the bailiffs took the house.

I tried in the past to limit my betting to football only , however when that one team lets you down on a Saturday for a small fortune like me it pushed me back to the fobt and nearly to ruin.

The only way forward for me was to totally abstain from all forms of gambling , I would encourage you to try a few weeks without football too see how you get on.

I've decided to take up reading to replace too much thinking time. Just recently finished Kevin Twaddle's book which scared the life out of me ref how gambling can rip you apart as a human being. Now moving on to Charlie Miller's book which has a gambling as one of his issues. Find it helps to read about others who have had similar problems.

Day 110.

I was reading a lot of messages on social media yesterday mainly twitter , I was alarmed at the amount of people falling foul of the fobt which is taking / took over there lives , I read suicide attempts / bank robberies and other really awful stories all because of the fobt.

I thought in my early days of recovery it would be difficult but the awful stories I read make it easier to make my decision not to gamble , life and my family is far too precious to throw what I have away.

The only way is to totally abstain.

Great going on 110 days and yes abstaining and maintaining is the sure way to go and we do win that way.

Suzanne xxx

Hi John,

Great to read you're still going strong.

Realising the need to cut off all forms of gambling is key to keeping away from FOBT's.

Ive had times when ive been buzzing off winning a football bet, even if it was only 80 quid then wanting that buzz again and losing it all 5 mins later on roulette.

Hopefully one day the whole country will get wise and realise its all a big con and you simply cant beat a machine in the long run, proper mind fk they are!!

Day 113.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support.

The weekend was one of the better ones with no thoughts of gambling I suspect that was because the house was very busy but still a real bonus , the only down side to yesterday was driving in a part of town I worked in some years ago , I remember the week well , just been paid on the Monday and had a fair few grand bonus , not many bills and bored on a lunchtime went to the bookies to play roulette , lost a few hundred quid , went back to work late and it ate away at me , next day the same process , same result , by Friday I had gambled away all my bonus plus other bits of money I had here and there literally nothing left , I felt sick yesterday when I realised the amount of money I pumped into that machine over the week , the time , stress and other problems is caused and yesterday was a chilling reminder of that ill fated week.

I cant dwell too much on the past just certain times/places of your old haunts come back and remind you of past issues , gathering together the last bits of money for my wedding with the money ive lost to the fobt I should be driving a sports car and living in a huge house , sadly for now both are on hold.

John dwelling on the past is something that affects us all. Wondering why we did something, wishing that we hadn't, thinking about the money we've lost and what we could've spent it on. The fact of the matter is that at any one time we have all taken a big hit, that big loss or maybe more than one of them! It's important however to think now of all the positives abstaining will bring. Money can be built back up again but you only get one life and one chance to live it. You can't change the past but you can have a better future. Keep up the good work and always remember that 'yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift from God!'

Day 117.

Life is looking better I know deep down in amongst all this gambling I was very down and depressed I have never looked to the doctor for help because I knew how my mum and sister reacted to the pills they were given , I am not stupid , I knew I was in a deep hole and I have gradually managed to force my way out of the hole.

Day 117 now , back from a few days away at Alton Towers , the offers in the paper and really amazing not often you get to go to Alton Towers for £1 , this time was different my two year old boy was the priority and we never made it further than c beebies world , but the look on his face going on his first ever roller coaster made the visit worth while on it's own , we laughed , joked and bonded like families should do , quiet family meal at night and was a truly amazing experience.

Back to work this morning and looking up to my next big milestone of 200 days , that is my aim for now and see what happens.

117 days John, well done.

Our lives really do change when we commit to recovery.

Onwards and upwards and keep winning in every way.

Suzanne xxx

Day 120.

My partner was away this weekend and I was home alone with my little boy , amazing few days just me and him bonding and spending quality time together.

My boy is only two and by the time 7pm came on Saturday I was home alone , boy fast asleep in bed and I was bored.

Thoughts I had not had for some time all crept up on me at once , I had already identified that when I was bored it triggered gambling and have to say after a few wines on Saturday I really had to fight the urge , I guess I would have been safe knowing all my betting accounts were closed and self excluded but thankfully the resolve I have built up over this last few months got me through , I was exhausted by 9pm on saturday so took myself off to bed and spent the rest of yesterday in the garden in the play tent with my boy , days like yesterday are what life is about and gambling will not win.

Well done on dismissing those thoughts, because even when we don't give in, it takes it out of us, physically, mentally, and subconsciously,

You are truly doing amazing on 120 days, be very proud.

Suzanne xxx

Day 121.

I have followed a lot of peoples progress on here , some amazing stories and some which worry me.

I know up until this point I have managed to stay gamble free , but once people reach the 100 days it sadly seems for most like they have a few slips. Just recently I have managed to fight the urges and find myself 121 days into recovery , the harsh reality is I know how close I have come recently to blowing all my hard work.

Having reached this point is now the time I reach out and finally speak about my problems with a professional , on one hand I tried it before and found the couseller incredibly patronising and annoying to a point I felt angry , on another hand I know the next part of my recovery journey I could do on my own but prehaps hypnosis / couselling / different approach might help.

Must admit im lost to what to do next

Day 123.

A real battle at the moment with thoughts of gambling.

Last few days watching the football and having the urge to back the first goal scorer not good.

The urges are different now though , when I get the urge my thoughts turn to my darkest hours , the low points and inparticular the nightmare blow out just after Christmas , having hit my rock bottom back then it is never a place that I want to return to and the reason my recovery continues.

My next big test is two weeks today and my stag do in Spain , going with a lot of people who like to gamble but thankfully a fair few that dont , hoping to stay away from the machines , unfortunately in Spain the fruit machines have been replaced my fobts even on the street corners so is going to be very hard.

however I am confident.

Great going on 123 days John.

Keep strong.

Suzanne xxx