My FOBT recovery

Thanks Suzanne,

Day 124.

The start of another long weekend , bank holiday weekend and a lot to be thankful for.

I dont give myself enough credit sometimes and the fact I have reached 124 days of not going on the roulette is something I can be very happy about , however I do keep having re-ocuring dreams similar to when I stopped smoking.

When I stopped smoking in my dreams I would be out in the pub I always woke up from my dream when I realised I was smoking and it felt so real it was almost like I had smoked , my mind in a blur and disappointed I slowly started to come round from my sleep and realise thankfully it was a dream.

It is similar with gambling , I gamble a lot in my dreams mainly on fruit machines , I feel almost dirty when I wake up from my dreams and again that relief when I realise I haven't gambled.

Gambling is not just about giving up , it is the constant battle with the effects of not gambling that really drain you , the dreams just one of many.

I hope one day I can sit down with someone and write a book about my gambling life and the after effects of not gambling / state of mind and my own views on what the fobts have done to this generation.

Day 128.

No thoughts of gambling but a tough few days living with the new way of life , the battle with overcoming gambling is really starting to tire me mentally and phisically.

I think it is time I get some professional help for the next chapter in my recovery , I cannot do this on my own and need some form of help to guide me and keep me on the right path.

Next week is my stag do in Spain that will be one huge battle with no gambling.

Hi John,

Do whatever you can to keep on the right path, you are already aware of this stag do, with an amazing 128 days under your belt, it's time to strengthen your defences( so to speak lol) too much to lose now, keep one step ahead every day, and do what you have to so you can enjoy your STAG do, you deserve this this for YOU.

You will feel mentally and physically tired at times PUSH THROUGH, it doesn't last, it is bloody hard to keep abstaining and maintaining, but hey, it sure is dam worth it, this is our LIFE we are getting back.

Suzanne xxx

Day 130.

Thanks for your kind words Suzanne.

The next part of my recovery I need to do differently , I have 130 days done but this next part of my journey I need help with the daily drain in every aspect of my life is a lot to take in and need to find ways to deal with it.

I am considering the doctor , hypnosis or something in which for one hour each day I take myself off and have thoughts other than gambling , some days are good other bad but can safely say my gambling thoughts are triggered when im looking for a quick fix to money solution.

Of course there is no quick fix and money problems will always be part and parcel of life.

Thanks John,

Keep strong and keep going 130 days is a lovely round number.

Suzanne xxx

Day 136.

Next few days busy busy and tomorrow setting off to Spain on my stag do , at Christmas I was at one of my lowest ever points in my entire life this was solely down to gambling and mainly the roulette which had taken over my life , the worst thing was after years of chasing a big win , the win I thought would sort me out , I got the win and still carried on , another guy on here who I have a lot of time for says we cannot win because we cannot stop , I knew what that meant however I never realised that phrase related to me the gambler.

Having thrown nearly all my big win so called winnings back into the roulette at christmas time I managed to stop whilst I still had a fair chunk of it left , I had hit my rock bottom the lowest I had ever felt and the strange thing was it was after my numbers had come in.

I guess for me something happened that day which gave me the kick up the rear I needed , I have a long weekend in Spain for my stag do and my wedding at the end of this month , both seemed beyond me at Christmas and came so so close to losing all my money / savings / car / house / business and for what.......... 1 number on a roulette at odds of 34/1 so really risking the lot for £340.00

I have always had a compulsive disorder but the roueltte truly broke me personally , I am on the road to recovery and proof to myself if nobody else that the cycle can be broken.

Thanks to each and everyone of you for your support.

Have a great time John, ENJOY, and well done on 136 days of winning your life back, the freedom recovery brings is amazing.

Stay strong and keep going forwards.

Suzanne xxx

Day 144.

The past few weeks of recovery have seemed slower with the number of days slowig down some how.

Managed to survive my stag do in Spain , the thing I love about Spain is the fact you can go on a decent bar crawl but truly drunk and not see a gambling machine for the entire holiday.

In the UK every town centre is littered with bookies all rubbing your noses in the roulette yet Spain have a completely different way of life , I can honestly say I had no thoughts of gambling and part of that must be down to the fact there was nothing to gamble on.

I come home and read some of the stories on here and realise fobt is really taking people to the cleaners.

John,

Dont get fixated on your day count.. it doesnt matter if its 144 or 342 of 499. Whats important is you treat each day on its own and make a simple enough decision;

A) Be 'normal' and live a day as a normal person does.
B) Go bat c**P crazy and fk up all that HARD work you've put into your recovery.

Im proud you've done so well. Be proud of yourself.

Mark

Dear Diary,

It's been a while had a few weeks away from the website to concentrate on different things.

I am now a married man and happily in love with the girl of my dreams , I owe it to myself , to her and my little boy to continue this journey in recovery and gift my boy a up brininging without gambling.

I grew up in an environment surrounded by gambling , cards , horse racing , fruit machines , the early days of lottery scratch cards , even before that the 10 P bingo scratch cards at the corner shop , bingo , open the box in the working mens club and each year the arcades at the seaside.

Kids love the bright lights of the arcades my boy cant get enough of them , I will take him in to play on the rides , but his eyes wonder to the bright lights of the arcade machines , I see similar behaviour to that when I was a kid.

Think our next family holiday needs to be overseas , there is non of the machines shoved in your face in Spain and Portugal and the holiday park I recently went to even encourage bingo playing when the kids are around , innocent to start with but I know where it can lead.

Maybe I worry too much.

For me I cannot even watch the football or horse racing now without the urge for a bet , when I go to watch football at the ground it is different because the mobile reception doesn't exist and I have always been able to control in within the stadium mainly because I enjoy the game too much.

Hi John,

Firstly congratulations on your marriage, secondly but not in second place lol, congratulations on your continuing gambling free days lol and your mindset is how I feel at times, worrying about the future with gambling around younger family members.

There is nothing that is going to change anytime soon and with the Internet gambling on phones, etc, it can open up,even more of a worry, you are so right being aware of the potential dangers, and as long as you are aware you can keep it away from the direct front (if that makes sense) don't encourage any of it, and obviously don't you do it, lol,

You are doing great be very proud of yourself, for you and your family.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne,

Today is tough and money is ever tighter.

Usually when it gets to this time of month in the past I have looked to gamble and make what I used to think wa a quick £100.00 sadly I ended up losing the money I didn't have to lose and ended up in a bigger mess than I was in to start with.

Times are tough but ive come this far just need to push on a concentrate on other things.

Day 180.

Never thought my recovery journey would bring me this far 180 days and a monumental battle to stay sain through this horrendous time battling in my opinion an addiction on par with drugs.

This year I have learned the true value of money , I haven't had to lie about why money is tight , why we have lot of money one minute and non the next , not spent my Saturdays throwing betting slips at the tv, not swearing when a football team scores in the last minute to ruin my coupon , not sat on a Saturday night like an alien rying to recover the losses of Saturday day.

I have learnt the true meaning of life with everything that comes with it , everything I ever wanted and more is right before my eyes , my child , my was girlfriend now by wife and living without the fear that I will blow a fortue in a few hours.

The recovery takes time to get into , set your mind in a different way but the longer time passes the easier it becomes because you start to learn a different way of life , that life always better without gambling.

A big well done mate. Its great to read how far you've come.

Over half a year of not gambling.

I have suprised myself and my friends.

Out on Saturday surrounded by bookies , my mates kept leaving to gamble , roulette , horses anything that moved just sat and enjoyed my beer and the sunshine.

My life certainly in the last month changed so much , the pressure off from the wedding and generally just enjoying life.