[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Thanks drama.. Enjoying the questions x

Boo ?

The game is an awesome distraction from gambling urges ?

Monday - 10 days gamble free. 

Hubby woke up early and turned all the calor gas fires on (kitchen, bathroom and bedroom). Then he woke me up with a cuppa tea and my pills. 

I got to wake up to a warm house and a warm brew. It's the simple pleasures in life that are the best. I ran a bath and put some clean clobber on. My cargo jeans, a navy blue adidas t-shirt with the white logo and a long sleeved adidas training top with the quarter zip. It's also navy blue and with white stripes. I wore some mega battered old Nike trainers that look rubbish but are so so comfy it makes my feet happy. 

I got to work for 8a.m. My boss asked me at 9:50 to update an online tracker with the teams figures for December and mentionned that he had a dial-in at 10.00. Hmmm, that was a mission! I had to run reports on different tools and get someone else to leave the tracker because they owed me a favour and my need was greater and all in all, I got it done. I deffo need to be impressing my boss right now. 

I did my return to work form from being sick and made my boss laugh cos I said I can't remember when I went sick. He was like, how can you not know you were sick. I just said I know I was sick for a fortnight, I can't remember which two days I had off work you cheeky monkey. I said the whole Christmas period has moulded in my mind to a messy sick horrible period, just gimme the days so I can do the forms. He gimme the days. I'm sorry, I know I'm in for a rollicking but I'm not gonna stop being me and I am cheeky. Always. 

I did 6 reviews today and they were real hard ones. I got some support from my colleagues with them. I am glad they are all back from Christmas/New Year leave. 

I was gonna do 2 hours OT tonight for the day job but cos my boss hasn't given me a telling off yet, I dunno that I wanna do any extra. If he's mean, I will sulk so I'm pre-empting my sulk just in case. 

I did two cleaning jobs tonight. I did them both brilliantly last time so they were still clean and that meant I got out early. I managed to get on chat for a spell after so that was nice. 

I am really pleased that people played the ^>v game and we are getting to know each other outside of just talking about gambling or not gambling. So that is nice. 

Oh, I went for dinner with my mate P today and we are gonna go Gym together tommoz. We aren't gonna work out together, just walk up together. He's way fitter than me so I don't want to be shown up. I'll prolly just naff about on a treadmill for a bit till I get comfortable being in that environment again. 

o*g! Nearly forgot, I called in at the Hospice Charity Shop on my way home from the day job and bought the most cutest satchel in the world. It is royal blue in colour and it's leather and it's just big enough to fit my notebook computer that I use for school that is also blue. I am very very happy with this purchase. It doesn't take the place of my Ted Baker bag. I love all my bags equally. Hubby laughed when he saw I'd got another bag. It was good to hear him chuckle. When I put my notebook in it, he got a serious face and said "has that got blocks on it?". I reassured him that it has. 

Um, just now he took my phone. I haven't been drinking but I don't need booze to get a gambling urge. I told him this before. I said it's a good habit to get into, giving up my phone in the evening as that's when I get my urges. 

Okay that will do. 

10 DAYS!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 

Drama 

xoxoxox

Tuesday. 

I woke up at 7. I did not want to get out of bed. I dunno why cos I went to bed at 11 and slept through. I lazed in bed for a half hour reading the news and stuff on my phone. Then I got up, threw some togs on and went to work. Similiar outfit to yesterday but with clean underwear and socks and t-shirt. I'm not a complete scrubber. 

I got to work for 8.40. 

I did 3 reviews today. I upset me boss cos he asked why I wasn't filling in the time and motion spreadsheet and I said I didn't wanna. He's booked us a meeting for Thursday to have that "catch-up" that I've so been looking forward to. 

I had some tuscan bean soup for dinner. Full of veg and beans and stuff. It was very tasty. 

I'm not doing myself any favours with my boss but I can't be bothered lying. I don't like filling in time and motion stuff if it doesn't have all activities on it and my stats are pretty rubbish. I guess I do push back with most authority figures when I can. I dunno why. 

I finished work at 4.30 and got home for 5. I had half an hour at home with hubby. Some tea and toast and then set off my first cleaning job. It's a massive place and there was only two of us. I worked my backside off for two hours. I got outta there around 7.30'ish. I went to my next job and did that. 

I came home and Hubby made me beans on toast and a cuppa. I had that and a brief spell on chat then went to my last job. I appear to have pulled my hamstring at some point this evening. Prolly during the first mopping marathon I did but it kills like mad. 

I took the dog to the park for a stroll and now I'm home watching 24 hours in police custody. 

Then when that's done I'm off to bed. 

I'm WFH tommoz cos I'm seeing Debbie in the afternoon. I'm pleased to get to spend the day away from people. 

That will do. 

Drama 

xoxoxo

Pulled hamstring does not sound at all pleasant ? RICE - rest, ice,compression, elevation  

I had a great visit with Debbie. Feeling very happy. Will update after work. ?

Hello Drama. I was just reading back through my diary and recalled your kind post of the 2nd November. 

I was feeling very distraught at the time, having relapsed the previous day and your words helped me get back on my feet.

Many thanks for your kindness, support and encouragement.

Stephen x 

Wednesday.

I WFH today. Was totally paranoid about my boss thinking I was skiving so I chatted him when I went to the shop for milk and went I went to sandwich shop for breakfast and when I went for lunch. He told me to stop being paranoid but hey, he started it! 

I only completed one review today but I did three. I just have to wait for info. before I can complete the other two. 

I went to the charity shops at dinner time but didn't find ought. 

I went to see Debbie this aft. I did the forms and it was good to say I haven't gambled but it made me laugh cos I had to tell her I didn't gamble cos I got caught trying. So then we talked about that a bit and I couldn't help laughing. I apologised but said it's funny cos I've asked him to take cards and my phone and stuff before but he's given it "we don't have anything if we don't have trust" and "I don't wish to treat you like a child" etc but then faced with my gambling he's now voluntarily taking my phone and I am super happy. She asked if I felt like a naughty child. I said yeah, with getting caught, for sure and I laughed some more. However, I wasn't happy with him crying. That was real sad and I felt bad for that. 

Then I laughed some more when I told her of my plan to get outta trouble with the pretty dress and how it worked a treat. Honestly, I don't reckon I've chuckled so much in a long time. I know this prolly isn't a great reaction to what I'm saying but it's like laughing in Church when you remember summat naughty and then you can't stop. 

Anyway, so Debbie was real serious about me getting ongoing support. She's send me to some Northern Gambling Clinic place. I'm happy with that. She talked about some Alcohol place but I said the Doctor already told me about it and it's a hard no. I can not drink real easy. I've done it last few days. It's not the same as with gambling where I just can't not do it. She accepted my decision. 

She said she would like to talk to my Doctor about me. I agreed with that. I said she has my permission to disclose whatever she wants that she believes is relevant. I explained that I told her that I've told her stuff I'd prolly never be able to tell him. Not in the ten minutes I get with him once every four weeks. It's just awkward. Like when he says how have you been? He means drinking and smoking. He doesn't care about gambling and being mental I don't think. So, if she can say stuff it takes the pressure off of me to do it. 

I told her about doing the breathing more often. It's real annoying when it doesn't work and I don't hit that zen spot though. That puts me off but she said that when I don't "get there" then I should take a moment to say thank you to me for giving myself that time to try. This made me laugh cos it made me think like we were talking about s*x and getting there was the orgasm even though we were talking about breathing and getting the zen zone. Honestly, I just had the worst giggles today. I guess I'm super happy cos I'm gamble free. I dunno. 

Anyways, so I get to see her next week too so that's nice. Hopefully no drama's and I can be less silly than i was today. 

I did my two cleaning jobs tonight and then went to see a man about a dog for hubby. That was a pain in the neck cos I had to meet him out in the country somewhere and I hated the drive. It was a real chore but it's done now. 

Moff to bed. 

Drama 

xoxoxox

Posted by: S♡T♡E♡P♡H♡E♡N

Hello Drama. I was just reading back through my diary and recalled your kind post of the 2nd November. 

I was feeling very distraught at the time, having relapsed the previous day and your words helped me get back on my feet.

Many thanks for your kindness, support and encouragement.

 

Stephen x 

Thank you Stephen. You are doing wonderfully and fill me full of hope that I can do well also. 

You keep going. 

Drama

xoxoxo

Had my meeting with my boss. Handled it with maturity and obvs got all my answers ready. 

I am NOT in any trouble!!! 

Woop woop. 

Feel like I'm winning at life. 

Moff back to work. 

Drama x

? fantastic news

You sweet talker drama ?Boo x

A Bakers Dozen. 

I went to work for 9. I read the paper for a bit then got my notebook and went for the meeting. I was calm and mature when responding to what he said. I'm really glad I got all my giggling outta the way with Debbie yesterday. I told him about my stats and how my extra-curricular stuff (appointments plus reporting and training the team) affect them stats. He accepted that. I also acknowledged that he must've been scared when he didn't know where I was the other day and said I won't let that happen again and I'll keep all my appointments and whereabouts in my calendar from now on. That's on me. 

He wants me to limit WFH to one day a week (subject to appointments and that). I agreed to that. For now. Haha. I'll get back to doing what I want when I want but I have to respect the fear factor involved and I know there's alot of that cos of my current state of mind. You can't have it all ways. 

I went for dinner with my mate P. He asked what I wanted to do so of course I said hit the charity shops. We went up Town. I told him he could go get summat to eat but he's like nar, I'll come browse with you. That was nice. I didn't find ought but it was still fun. 

I did 9 reviews today. That's a big number but they were super simple files so it's not like I had brain drain or ought. 

I went home at 5. I called in at Aldi for some food and the Doctors for my prescription request. I wish I could have a repeat prescription but they won't do that for my happy pills for some reason. I have to go through this requesting rig-moral every 4 weeks. 

I took Hubby to the pub then went and did my cleaning jobs. 

Then I took the dog to the park. 

Then I come home and made a small fry-up for supper. 

Now I'm going to bed. I'm zonked. 

Drama.  

Got my latest assignment score. 54%. Not a great score but it is an improvement on my last one. 

I really need to do better though. These scores don't reflect my actual ability. 

Drama. 

54% for an assignment done in about 4 hours is pretty decent ?. Imagine what it could be?? Distinction material I reckon