My recovery diary (JENILEE)

New antibiotics started last night; hoping these will finally work. Feeling a bit better today. Life is so stressful sometimes! Will post more later.

I've been a sucky game care member on again for a while often on for a while still gambling at times. Feel like everybody else on here is probably doing better than me. But one thing I do have going for me I will keep trying. Just for today I will not gamble. And today I overcame a huge urge I was right by a casino and did not go so back home tonight watching TV bored lonely but bored and lonely is better than bored lonely and broke LOL

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Hi guys I've been off a long time and I'm back.; Trying to quit again. Have to rush to work so don't have time to write long post but just posted the following in a new members diary that says it all, except it does not state, for those of you that read my diary before in the past and remember me, I lost my mother this past summer is very hard and very sad and it initially led to more gambling and now I'm gambling with my father which is part of the reason Have hard time separating from it. However my father is not a gambling addict he is a controlled gambler without a problem; I don't think he realizes I am still spending more than I can afford.here's the post I posted to a new members thread:

Hi I certainly do not know all of the answers am still gambling myself. I have been struggling for around six years I'd say. Recently my gambling has been more out of control and I made the phone calls to get back into counseling decided to try posting back on here. I admit that I still gamble ; A few in the foum here have been very rude about that; but I am trying through the counseling to realize and to want to quit because I do acknowledge the damage it is doing. Stay strong we are all in it together.

Somehow, through the grace of God I have gotten things a little more back in the control so my relationship with my family it's better, but the financial damage in the way I live close to the poverty level when I make a good income, it's just ridiculous and I'm so tired of it.

Welcome back ... Just in time for a fresh 2017 xx

Welcome , firstly sorry to hear about your mom I can only imagine how that must feel. WIth regards to your gambling, you had the strength and honesty to come back, so draw a line under the last time you tried and take each day as it comes. Put the blocks in place so that you cannot gamble and find other things to keep you occupied when the urges come. I've found the strength through this site and reading some of the success stories on here. I've learnt to live and see things clearer again and I like it, you too can beat this, best wishes on your road to recovery x

Well haven't gambled since Monday. Don't think I will today.. have to work very late and also have a cold so tired. Do have urges though, and the funny thing is i keep thinking about how I need more money in my account but I know that if I gamble will take money I have and not give me more chances of winning are very slim I just have to keep reminding myself Of that. because my brain is messing with me and I need gamble for extra money. Or sometimes it tells me that I can afford to Gamble just a little bit even if it isn't for extra money;that I deserve it, but I can't right now.

Talked via phone to a gambling cousellor specialist in my state; she wants to work with me for a few free sessions to see if she can help me get a handle on things.

Today is a challenging day. It is the first weekend that I am going into, that I have planned that I cannot gamble.I absolutely cannot afford it right now and I've been going way too much lately and this will be a difficult challenge as weekends are often when I normally gamble. I have other plans and things I need to do for today and Saturday ;Sunday could be a challenge and Monday as I am off Monday. As I said I did speak to aCounsellor on the phone yesterday and I talk With her again next Thursday and trying to keep her words and suggestions for most of my mind. But could use prayers for strength. Hope everyone is having a safe gamble free day out there.

My gambling Counsellor and I are working on cutting down my gambling, since I flat out will not yet admit that I have to quit ;I just can't face the thought ...the gambling specialist said it is good that I am at least honest with her about this,OK if I work on cutting down and abstaining for certain periods of time.because I have to do many of the same things that I would do if I was quitting. And she and I are both hopeful that during the process I may change my thoughts and be more willing to quit. I am open to this I am just not there yet in my heart and I just believe in being honest or no one can help me if I am not honest. Goals for cutting down or temporarily taking a break that are the same as goals for quitting are: Avoid going at certain trigger times, not given to every urge at Cetera, and finding certain ways to block yourself from spending more money than planned.My goal currently to make it through this weekend without gambling as I absolutely cannot afford it right now and definitely need at the minimum a long break from it of several weeks. Which is a long time for me. I get that Michael is a little different than everyone else's but I'm struggling to my counselor said it is OK to work on where I'm at now and try to move towards the quitting eventually. I still could use your guys help and support thank you. And we all could use each other so I am trying to give mine to other people as well.

Hi jen I admire your honesty.
Complete abstinence isn't for everyone. I'd guess your trying some kind of weaning off trial?
Every journey is individual if you're not quite ready to let go. Harm minimisation is probably best route. You can start with one week. Then next go two weeks and so on. Best to set yourself achievable goals. When you get to them reasses your goals and change them as you see fit.

All the best.
Keep posting

Deano

Thank you Deano; right now I'm just trying to get through this weekend and make it about a week and the weekend is the especially challenging time for me

Weekend's are the pits for most cgs especially in the first few month's. 90 percent of my gambaling was on a weekend
I know the weekend is my weak patch so I try to avoid all things gambaling related now. Which seems to work.

Hopefully you can smash the 7 weeks in then see how you feel then.

Keep posting it all helps

Deano

So I gambled last night at suggestion of someone close to me. However , although I am disappointed I did not make it all weekend, going to revise goal not to gamble today (Saturday's are usually a for-sure gamble); already made alternate plans so we will be busy.

I've done good at Not gambling today and nearing end of day with an early bedtime scheduled means made it through one of the most challenging weekend days without gambling at least.

Today very frustrated and irritable with family.