NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

I did a DRO with step change as my outgoings were more than income .wiped off most of debt .there are other options too.ring them.of course gambling needs to stop .I hope this helps

Hi mate, hope you're well. I've been off the forum for few days. 12 hour shifts are exhausting. Only good thing is that I sleep like a baby at night haha. I just wanted to say that you're doing really well and keep racking up them gamble free days. I hope you have a great weekend with your little one and the missus. Take care pal.

Pras

Hey Pras

Great to hear from you! Youve been working really hard lately haven't you! Hope your finding time to keep up with the gym! You've inspired me to join one!! I just haven't been yet :o( watch this space! Nice to hear from you and thanks so much for the support. Needing it right now. Feel a bit worn out with everything. Might be my weekend pattern who knows

How I wish my parents didn't take me to the arcades each and every seaside holiday when I was a kid... Still, none of this is their fault.

I have always been resistant to the idea of historical influence in gambling (I always saw it as more of an 'in the moment' thing) but today I accepted it. The first high is insane... Moreso when you are in your infancy... And thereafter you're chasing that high... Ironically subsequent highs will never reach the initial one. You keep going... And going... Until you're so low that you don't know where to turn.

#naturalhighs

That's what I'm all about today. Get chores done. Feel good after.

Got bad news today that my wife's freelance contract is not being renewed in the new year :o(

She has been earning significantly more than me because of it and the earnings have been a godsend in managing the debt up until now. She is pretty worried about finding a new job and stuff...

I however, have pretty much taken the news in my stride. There was half an hour when I lied on the bed in despair but got up and carried on with my day after that period, which is most unusual for me. I reassured her that we will work something out when the time comes. Maybe I've turned a corner or something.

In short, I've survived a lot in my life and the extra financial pressure we'll just have to manage - like any other couple would in life. Either I'm becoming more resilient or it hasn't fully registered yet :o)

Relapsing and urges seem the farthest thing from my mind right now. Communicating my feelings seems to be working for me these days. And accepting that I can't control the future... I can only do my best in the present in preparation for the future. That's the bit I find harder to accept than the financial pressure actually.

Ok day 60 GF here we go.

Feel well rested today and although somewhat unsure of myself (I guess the news about wife's job sinking in now) - all I can do is attack the day and hope for the best. Good luck all.

I really hope my mood settles as i put more GF days behind me. I trust in the wisdom of others who tell me it will.

Starting to surrender and put trust in a Higher Power of some sort... A big step forward for me.

Keep it GF all.

thats a great acheivement 60 days without gambling. i have lost all my savings i had for over 10 years due to gambling. i stopped yesterday as i dont have anything more to gamble, it was chasing losses that really did it for me. its evil. i feel sick inside and wish i could change things but obviously can't. am so angry with myself , trying to think it can get better and start saving again but it just doesnt seem like it will get any better right now

signalman wrote: Gambling put simply... Its a lose/lose situation. If you win some... You'll be back for more at some point. If you lose some... You'll be back to recoup losses at some point. For the operators it's a win/win. Whatever the outcome for you - either way you'll be back for more action at some point. And eventually you'll lose and they will gain. All they have to do is engineer the games so there are slightly more losses than payouts and they are in profit. Serious profit on a grand scale. Only way to win? Accept defeat and walk away for good.

i like this post. so true.

smallie wrote:

thats a great acheivement 60 days without gambling. i have lost all my savings i had for over 10 years due to gambling. i stopped yesterday as i dont have anything more to gamble, it was chasing losses that really did it for me. its evil. i feel sick inside and wish i could change things but obviously can't. am so angry with myself , trying to think it can get better and start saving again but it just doesnt seem like it will get any better right now

Listen mate - you can change things. You can't change what happened of course but give yourself a fighting chance of this not happening again... Look for as much support as you can access - I am only 60 days GF but I have been here many times... gambling will be back for you at some point - but you can see it off with the right amount of armoury... blocks, GA, GP, therapy, counselling - see the problem for what it really is... and it is HUGE let me tell you. Don't underestimate gambling. You CAN change things. Starting from today. Get help and fight back #strengthinnumbers

You can do this friend. Good luck.

Hey signalman, when you say putting your trust in a higher power. What do you mean exactly? Well done on getting to 60 Days bro too..

Hey Scott... Many thanks for your words of encouragement. Long way to go but come a long way as well I guess.

So, over the last 60 days I keep thinking - oh dear, I'm skint - I need to work more... My wife may lose her job next year, I need to help her find another one, I'm depressed, I need to see my GP, I'm getting bullied at work, I need to fight back... This is me relying on myself to control outcomes.

Lately it has dawned on me that actually my life is unmanageable in its present state so efforts to control outcomes will be futile and a waste of energy. I now surrender to situations listed above and let nature take its course. After doing this I feel empty inside.

A higher power is the next step beyond surrendering... the emptiness disappears knowing that I will surrender to situations and as long as I keep generating positivity in the world and giving and not taking from life... All the situations listed above will sort themselves out or in fact... When you focus on giving and selflessness... The problems actually don't really matter.

All I care about is being happy and at peace. With or without the problems I have listed. If i relinquish control (which is mega hard for me to do) my motivation and priorities change... When i think about others instead/ahead of myself I exude serenity and people recognise I'm in a good place and I enjoy life. Gambling is far, far away in the distance... When I gambled I wasn't a happy soul.

If I believe in this higher power (let's call it a more spiritual way of living) everything will be ok in the end. The problems I listed at the beginning may or may not sort themselves out in the end... But frankly - who gives a **** - I will remain happy as I give to the world and that makes me feel good.

I hope this makes sense. Hazard2myself wrote on his diary about living life simply, honestly and respectfully. This is another beautiful way of describing what I'm trying to outline. Control, gambling, stress, anxiety, lies, deceit, regret, guilt... All these don't come into it. Read his diary and get a sense of how he lives his life. Then read a diary from someone coming on here and living out day 1. See the difference. That's my interpretation of this 'higher power'

Your interpretation may be totally different

Anyway, the horrid Monday shift has come round again but it's cool... Every moment I am born again so if I do my best me in each moment the day will be great and before I know it I'll be home :o)

Good day all.

Signalman.
Fella I get where you are coming from and I will say this you will no longer take bullying because I reason that like myself you accepted it when you actively gambled because you saw it as fair punishment for the way you lived, which is wrong in itself but something I believe profoundly true.
With an honest life you have to gain a better regard for the rest of the world, because I believe that if you do not use honesty in a fashion that suits you can actually be perceived as the bully.
I detest bullying and often find that the bully is in fact covering their own insecurities.
The world doesn't revolve around any single person or set of rules and I wholly respect that.
I equally believe that what you give to life does come back around, so if you make a positive contribution to living that positivity does come back in shovels.
As for my higher power, I struggled to find a connection with this word because I don't have a religion or faith so I have stumped for what I deem an honest approach to life.
I will happily do what I am inwardly comfortable with and happily speak up when I am not comfortable with something.
Be that anything from a work ethic to attending a social gathering because the outcome is a positive one for not only me but other folk to boot.
Lastly with regards to you seeing your GP, don't leave it to long, in doing so you are looking out for number one.
I went through three different types of medication before I found an medicine to help me live with depression and after a recent review it's something that I will continue to take for the foreseeable future all be it a lesser dosage.
You are putting the effort in, it may feel like you are treading in water but the progression is there to see.
Keep on keeping on my friend.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you so much for the words and wisdom dunc. I feel so much of what you have said... Definitely the eventual self-destruction through gambling as I just couldn't tolerate the lies and deceit anymore... It became toxic for me. I feel like the toxicity is still in me even today but slowly with an honest approach to life... This toxicity is slowly being neutralised. maybe an element of it will remain in me forever... Who knows.

Yes thanks for the gentle reminder about the GP. This is probably just the remnants of my ego and pride telling me I can do this spiritually and without the aid of medicine but to be honest... The more I look at those around me in this boat and compare my mindset to them, the more I start to accept that the extra bit of assistance may be required. Cheers mate.

Morning all. More workmen at the house today. Mornings still a bit of a struggle for me... So not a good mix really... Shouldve got out the house early or something... Tilers today so house is gonna be a dusty bomb site after today... Luckily my wife is holding the fort... Im pretty useless in the mornings. Maybe I could try and change that today. Anyway good days all. Gambling is the most bizarre thing... It has sapped my energy and will in the mornings. I never had this problem before... I hope it comes back one day.

The only thing I can think is that I sort of feel dead inside at times - which could be a good thing as it gives me the opportunity to rebuild and start anew. I see why people say the first 90 days are the toughest right? :o)

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