NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

SMan,

Great post.

Spot on reference power. It’s the difference between being out of control and being in control.

When in control we are safe, can consider and then make good decisions and bare the consequences of those decisions. When out of control we leave ourself open to anything. No different to driving a car.

Tomso

Thanks very much SM for your post. Spot on as ever and very supportive. You are right, it will take some time for the fog to lift and I need a period to recover financially and more importantly as a human being. It really is day by day.

Keep on it yourself. I have every faith in you but don’t ever get complacent!

.

Hi signalman, keep positive bro. I'm going through the early stages of this as well and have had an immensely positive week. I'm 6 days gf now and although to some that doesn't seem like much that's a massive achievement on it's own for me. Try and get to your local GA meetings if you can, I was sceptical at first as I had been before but I wasn't committed to it then. Now I am and I enjoyed both of my meetings this week, its reassuring to speak with people who know what you're going through and some will even inspire you with their own stories. Keep doing what you're doing and you will stay on track.

I love this community I found on the forums, everyone is so caring and thoughtful.

Not bad for a bunch of 'good for nothing gamblers' are we?

Chin up lad, you got this.

Thanks for all messages. Appreciate the responses.

Man... I went to get my haircut today. I walked past a bookie which brought back chilling memories. About 2 years ago I went to get my haircut after work and I couldn't walk past the place, like a possessed man i went in and hit up the FOBT ("just make enough for a free haircut" I told myself) anyway the bloke next to me had a hi-vis on and was playing ludicrous stakes with each spin (a months wages for me on each spin) and me being me, I got chatting to him. He gave me some 'tips'...

Cut to me banging on the barber shop door 5 hours after I was supposed to go there (he'd closed but I was determined to get something from this day aside from pain and destruction) - the man opened and I virtually forced myself in there despite him having packed up for the night.

During the cut he asked if I was physically well as I was sweating profusely and shaking immensely in the chair. I had just done A LOT of money. A LOT. I was panicking about paying the mortgage, putting fuel in my car, putting clothes on my kid who was 6 months old at the time and hiding the damage from my wife (back then my finances were exclusive to me so this was the least of my problems). I was in a bad way. I didn't sleep properly for days.

I NEVER want to go back there again... By that I mean the 'possession' - losing all control of the body and mind... Being controlled exclusively by that external force. It makes me sick thinking now how I could feed money into a machine knowing I had a 6 month old child at home... The possession was too overwhelming. Even if I had remembered him the force would've been too strong... I wouldn't have given a s**t about him. Getting my fix was too important.

Also the physiological reaction to losing all that money was scary... The sweats and shakes. The barber has never forgotten me since that day.

I have never and will never forget that day.

For the last 7/8 months I keep my head down when walking past a bookie. Today for the first time I slowed my walk down... I stared intently inside... I took stock of where I am now and where I was then... And thanked the lord that today I feel hard pavement under my feet as I walk past and not the stinking, soiled carpet as I walk inside.

I'm not scared of the bookie anymore. I looked it straight in the eye today. I'm done with gambling. It destroyed me.

Great post and I can certainly relate to pretty much everything that you mentioned.

Gambling has nearly destroyed me too and I, like everyone else on here, want away from 'them'.

NT

We have all been in that place but you have started to sort your life out and doing very well and the support you give to other people is a credit to you. Your child will be very proud in the future the way you have turned your life around

Hi S hope your well :)) .

Just wanted to pop by and thank you for your last post a few weeks ago , been meaning to have a catchup but life gets in the way these day but that's a good thing in my book :)) .

Belated congratulations on reaching the double century club my friend , it's a huge achievement getting to where you are now from where you were six month's ago :)) .

I still read your post's as I find them to be very honest , informative and questioning of yourself and those feelings we all encounter along the way . Although I don't spend as much time on here as I used to and therfore don't post as much , I always feel that you'll be just fine as youv'e seemed to have a plan in place that will keep you safe and well .

I've seen many come and go on these pages over the last few years and in my opinion can tell those that want real change and are willing to put that effort in to achieve it :)) .

I'll try and have a catchup on my own pages soon as I've a few questions of my own that have been doing the round's in my noggin ? .

Talk to you soon buddy .

Regard's Alan

Today it's bothering me that I had loads of money saved up for an extension which I now don't have anymore as I gambled it all away!

Why is this bothering me today (after 7 months of not gambling) and never before?

f**k it... One day I'll post on here that I've saved up for a completed an extension on my house.

There you go. Job done... now f**k off negative thoughts and regrets. You wont get the better of me anymore.

At least I have a house to go home to. I've met people in GA that lost that luxury on top of everything else due to their gambling. Snap out of it man!!!

Hey Mate :)).

re the Extension . Firstly I hope your talking about one on the house and not the other kind gentlemen can have :)) , secondly If you put another thread on here asking if anyone regrets not having the money they gambled away for something today gamcare would crash under the weight of post's .

I need a new car like mad as mine's coming up for 17yrs old and is clinging to the hope it goes through it's next MOT ( so am I by the way ) and looking back at the night I walked away from the casino with nearly 8k in my pocket with the thought not what I could do with that 8 grand but how I could go back in the next couple of night's and double or triple it soooooo you guessed it " to buy another car " ....... you know the rest buddy because our story always end's the same and that 8k would have come in handy many times since :(( .

It's not negative thought's S , just your past life saying how it used to be :))

Have a good one mate and thanks for the post .

Alan

Good luck with the MOT mate, fingers crossed for you!

I'll get my extension one day, yes I will...

Even if it's through little blue pills or whatever...

No seriously though... I'll get it one day. And I'll be proud and make my family proud of me. Will just take a little longer t'is all.

Just got a ВЈ20 bunch of flowers for £2.50 from Tesco for the missus (ex Mother's Day) - happy days :o)

Feel better about the extension now ;o)

Once an addict, always an addict I guess

yes , you'll need an " E rection of sort's to put up your new extention " :))

Mot's not till September so I've a while to worry yet :((.

Flower's and blue pill's /....................Mmmmh ..sound's like I won't be speaking to you for the rest of the evening then :)) .

Have a good night mate and speak soon :))

Ah man I think I got flashed by the speed camera near Tesco now... Good mood over!

That may end up being an expensive bunch of flowers :o(

Too eager to get home with yer flowers and pill's mate ?

It's only money mate and if you do the course it's about 90 quid and no point's , don't let it ruin your mood and just imagine the outcome if you'd still been gambling , wanting to go out and win the money to pay the fine and where would that end ? .

Take it from what youv'e saved not gambling these last 7 months mate and excuse the word but you could be " Lucky " and not have been caught , either way it's just life and the devil pukeing in your kettle :)) . .

Hi S, just catching up on your posts - always enjoy reading your stuff! And of course, you are exactly right about the physical reaction. It’s this that made me realise all was not well! I've been incredibly stupid recently, but, I am determined to take away from this the fact that I do need help and I am not any different! I need to see the positives, in that my hole is not too deep, yet!