No Desire - No Suffering

I agree with sentiments above. You are amongst friends who will never judge. A problem shared is a problem halved.

My song track for you:-
'All my Yesterday's' - Thad Jones & Mel Lewis.
All that jazz. Music is good for your soul.

Hi Stephen,

When i joined this forum your comments were one of the very first i sat and read.
They always inspired and i thought i can do this. There isn't very much i can add to what others have said as they all sum it up pretty well.
You can only be the best Stephen you can be. The one we all like, gambler or not.

Keep smiling,

CJ.

Missing my poet Stephen. Hope you're doing okay babes?
Chat soon, don't be a stranger. Even if you can't handle it, just come chat.
Hugs Bella xx

All the best Stephen xx

​

Hi Stephen,

You're not a quitter are you? Slips hurts like hell but there is a lesson to be learnt in each and single one of them. What can you do differently this time?

In all honesty, i am asking this question myself to this day. There is no easy answer and this addiction can take hold very quickly. Being a step ahead is vital and I believe doable.

Maybe this time you can find the path forward? I truly hope you do. Same for myself and every struggling soul out there.

Be kind to you - you matter

S&B xx

Okay folks. Stephen wants and needs time away from the diaries. Let's respect this. I have been in a similar situation myself. Checking in every day becomes a habit, then after several months we all need a break. No rules. No compulsive input.
TIME OUT.
I get it Stephen and so do many others. In your own time. You will always be welcomed back.

Many thanks to Dan, Lisa, Bella, Merry Go Round, Pras, Martin, CJ, Adam and Anonymous for the kind words posted on my diary following my last episode of gambling.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive my rudeness in not acknowledging your posts. It is not an excuse but I was feeling really down and couldn't bring myself to post on the diaries. 

I hope everyone is keeping well. I shall catch up on the progress of my gamcare friends over the coming days and weeks.

I have not gambled since the 8th March 2019 and am feeling ok. 

My lady friend and I have gone our separate ways. I think she had had enough of my foolishness. 

During my last gambling session I asked my sister for a loan. She transferred money to my account but since than has completely ignored me. I am paying back the loan over 5 months. Considering her and her husband are reasonably well off, I think she is being a bit childish but that is only my opinion.

Take care everyone. Stay strong and take one day at a time. Love and best wishes to all my fellow travellers.....Stephen x 

I am glad to see you back and posting.

Stay safe, keep being kind to you - blessings dear fellow soldier ❤

S&B xx

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for your kind words on my blog. As you rightly pointed out, yes I am abstaining from this particular devil of mine. 

And I guess that's where inner battle begins. Do I think it's enough? Do I believe that slowly abstinence will take me to calmer waters? Do I do enough? Do I need to participate in any program to dig deeper or do i do it my way...the way i understand it?.. bahh...all this sends my head spinning already lol ?

I am very sure I, and I believe you, are being hard on ourselves. It's almost like putting pressure on oneself to be someone you are not. 

But i am contradicting myself here because we like it or not - we are changing continuesly. With a flow of life. New ideas, tactics, beliefs and goals. Nothing ever stays the same. The lessons we learn on a way aids us in our journey of life. 

I am extremely stubborn person (if you haven't seen yet ?). And this approach is not always the right approach depending on situation. 

I know that none of us can do it by ourselves. This addiction is wayyyyyy too strong to be tackled by lone soldier. 

And so part of the parcel of recovery comes in: physical blocks, GC community, counselling, tips to deal with emotional/mental state. All these does make us stronger. 

However something still rattling my boat. ..I guess the question -is it enough?

Here we go, my morning rant is nearing the end lol. I shall leave it here, get on with my day and do my best just for today. Abstaining? Maybe it will be enough for today as long as the result is another day g free in my tired rucksack ?

Seriously good to see you back! Keep posting and bettering yourself today and every day. 

Little steps forward, who knows what brainstorm can take over in near future (never give up giving up on yourself)

Blessings ?❤

Hi Stephen 

I too am glad to have the resident poet back. I’ve always enjoyed your posts and what you bring to the forum.

I do know how you feel. It’s a horrible feeling after a relapse and can take some time to get over it to feel able to talk about it all.  I’m just about coming around from my last self-destruction which ended on March 20. We can do this.

Hello again Stephen 

Thanks for your kind words on my diary. The help we can give one another is something we all should value and you do it in such a kind way. 

As for pastimes I’ve started ‘ no strings’ Badminton. Beats the creative writing course I tried last year. Talk about people taking themselves just a little too seriously!

Arms still aching  though and need to work on my smash!

Keep strong. Things are better without gambling. Have another day gf tomorrow.

Many thanks to Sandra & Rob, I did reply on your diaries.

Life is good with me as it usually is when I don't gamble. 

Nearly 2 months without a bet. No desire to go on the fobt machines since the limit has been reduced. I do get urges to bet on the football but I can ignore them.

I am actually feeling quite upbeat. Aspects of my life are not quite as I would like them to be so I am looking at making positive changes were it is appropriate to do so.

Life is all about the challenges we are faced with and how we respond to them. It is what gives meaning to life and makes it interesting and worthwhile.

Let's Rock n Roll.

Hi Stephen,

Thank you for your kind post only thread. Yes, i noticed that positivity is catching ? (same as sneezes...lol...not sure where tgat came from ?).

The fact is, things could be so much worse to all of us and that's why acknowledging and appreciating daily life's blessings is so important. Sometimes it's difficult to see them but they're there, always.

I notice my triggers in emotions. I realised and kind of working towards emotional de-attachments.  Somethings are truly harmful for us...unfortunately situations and people also and if we manage to eliminate ourselves from such circumstances/ discussions, we then are taking care of ourselves and our wellbeing. It has taken me very long to separate my emotions and how I react to life's challenges. Now i don't seem to feel raw emotion a lot of the times and weirdly it is helpful for me because I live for myself. I live calm and drama free life. Not always possible of course as you can get dragged in those but I seem to have more control now not to react to those.

Anyway...blabbing on lol..

Bella is good, thank you. My angel from above! She is amazing every single day and my love for her is still indeed very much so growing daily. Its partly my fault i dont let her enjoy oroper walks since the attack. I am very scared if something similar may happen however I am also improving there and not over exaggerating it all...so today, i took her to the walk..for a proper run! She makes me so happy when she shows her happines having the freedom she so deserves. I think she is knackered now lol...she peacefully laying next to me now, head on my legs...makes me feel at peace for sure ?

Good to see you doing so well and great stuff on 2 months g free! Keep up good work, stay safe and keep being kind to you ?

Thank you Sandra for visiting my diary.

I am indeed a happy little chappie as it over 2 months since I last gambled. My finances have improved and I am back to enjoying life.

Swimming 5 times a week. Salsa dancing again and two weeks ago started an Argentine Tango beginners class which is a lot of fun - quite tricky but I will persevere until I get the hang of it.

Naturally, there are aspects of my life which are not as I would like them to be but things should slowly improve over time.

The Angels seem to be pleased with my progress and if my thoughts start to stray, I usually feel them giving me a gentle nudge.

I wish all my gamcare brothers and sisters a good weekend and my thoughts especially go out to all those who are suffering and experiencing great hardship. Gambling is sometimes born out of desperation but as we all know to our cost, it just makes a bad situation even worse.

Stephen x

Good morning Stephen! Rise & shine ?☀️

Thanks for your kind post to me and as I see you're busy bee yourself! Wonderful to keep so occupied with something you enjoy so much (not like alternatives huh :-/)

Very well done on over 2 months g free and may it continue each and every day! 

I think sometimes we push ourselves too far to be someone we are not and perceive that life of "normal". But you know what, going with a flow, being true to oneself and doing what lights up the heart and soul is what truly matters!

You sound on the right track in this journey of rediscovering yourself, keep doing what is working - no looking back!

Have a great Sunday and enjoy the good feelings it brings! You're  worth it ?

S&B xx