No going back

Been quite a good day today. Felt very positive and kept busy.

had a brief cry about how useless I am but quite quickly turned that around and spent time chatting to a friend of mine whos mum has just been diagnosed terminal.

What a very unforgiving world we live in. Made me think how glad I should be about life.

Anyway felt really good to give her the support she needed today.

Have treated myself to a glass of wine or 2 tonight. So thought I best post before I decide to indulge.
Another gamble free day almost done and I thank you all for your support.

Being strong and getting my life back

Emz xx

Feel ok today. Discussed what im doing on here with the OH last night. He thinks its a good idea and we talked about some of the others diaries.
Not gambled a penny and feel good for that. Been a tough weekend, poorly child so am literally housebound at the minute, that's making it hard to keep my mind busy and not be tempted.

But im still determined and I have all blocks in place.
Hoping the the urge gets less and less as time goes on.

Taking my life back x

Hi Emzy.

Well done on keeping strong. I know what you mean about being housebound and the need to keep busy to avoid temptation.

i am still here supporting you all the way.

Hope your little one gets better soon. xxxx

Morning Emzy.

Thanks again for your much needed support yesterday.

I thought I would bump your diary up to the top and let you know I am thinking of you.

Stay strong. xx

Well still gamble free.

Had a hard day on Wednesday. Pretty much spent the whole day thinking about it. Then yesterday I had a lovely day. I had friends round. Made tea with the kids.
All things that would of not happened when gambling.
Didn't want to socialise and tea would of been whatever took the least time.
I actually felt like I lived yesterday and not just ticked another day off the calendar.

I hope there are more of those days to come.

Here's to a gamble free Friday.

Xx

Im still going strong. Have spoken to my OH tonight about the draws and how much I argue with myself about the dos and don'ts. I have to many moments of thinking I could but I haven't. Im so proud of my self. i really am.

so glad i have the support I do. Really don't want to let myself or my family down. I'm trying with all I have not to fall in to the same traps of what if or just if ....... I like feeling in complete control. I love being honest xx

The battle in recovery is much harder than we think.

I have found although I live a happier life recovery makes me grumpy , the constant battle inside with yes and no and resisting the urge not to gamble.

I told my other half I need her support through this , it is never going to be easy but if they love you they will help you every step of the way.

This week has felt easier. Not had the constant thoughts. Just the odd moment. I have noticed that every other tv ad is advertising a bingo site, that makes me so mad. Dont they have enough business that they don't need to draw some unsuspecting person in to the world of misery. Hope it gets banned one day like the cigarette ads.

Have tried to keep busy and keep socialising but its been hard. Feel like it is still effort to make plans. Haven't been to the exercise class I intended to go to but there's always next week 🙂

Baby steps I guess.

Slowly taking my life back and taking control back xx

Only 6 days to pay day. Have to say I'm both dreading it and looking forward to it. Will have money but don't want temptation. I guess pay day will be the day I truly understand how much effort I need to abstain x

You are doing great Emzy. I remember my first payday and it was hard but i am glad i got through it (i even rewarded myself) I generally have no money left within a week of getting paid and this month i still have money with only 4 days till payday its amazing the difference not gambling can make. Still find it hard as we all do though. Friday will be my 2nd payday on here and i know i will be tempted but we can do this together

Keep Strong xxx

Well pay day is here. Im working all weekend so that's helpful. Feel good ive made it to today but now the really determination has to kick in. I want to get to next pay day with this same feeling of achievement. Actually attend my first exercise class, have socialised more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 2 yrs. Feeling good about that. Now just to keep it up. Im sure as time goes on it will feel less of an effort bit I am very proud of myself.
Also noticed im not as down in the dumps as usual. Amazing that on this side of the fence you get some clarity !!!
Keeping strong x

Hi Emzy.

Wanted to drop by your diary today in the hope of giving you extra strength today to abstain.

It's your payday, please, please, please stay focused and strong today.

Keep all your hard earned pennies for the things that matter to you & make you smile.

Don't give a penny of it away to those nasty, greedy gambling sites.

You are doing so very well.

Don't give in.

Think how you will feel next week, next month if you stay strong and keep your money.

Thinking of you.

Sally Xxxxxxx

Made it through the weekend. Feels like its one thing after another at the moment with things going wrong. Would of been a reason to bury my head in a gambling site. I haven't and im glad but I feel awful.
Feeling sorry for myself today but I wont let it beat me. Keeping busy and trying to stay positive.

Thanks for the support sally x
Keeps me on my toes knowing someone's taking the time to check on me. Don't want to let myself down and give in. So Here's to another gamble free day xxx

Hi Emzy.

How's it going? I hope things are not still stacking against you.

Post here of find my diary and vent there if you need to. I am hoping that you have not posted because you made it along to your exercise class, are enjoying it so much that you can't bring yourself to leave. (Do a few tummy tucks for me... I could do with them!)

Stay strong & don't be an April Fool today.... Don't gamble. xxxx

Not been on in a while. Just because I found it hard to say I hadn't gambled again. I haven't but I felt like I was reminding myself of my gamble problem. I feel good that I haven't but feel like Ive lost some thing..... not money for a change but my little bit of something.

not been an easy month. I haven't had the money to gamble so I dont see it as a triumph but I am on the right track.
It just really irritates me that it wont leave me alone. Its like an itch that needs scratching. I wont scratch it but for how long. What an evil thing this is. I am still battling on and hoping it lessens with time. I thought I may be in a better place but the urge is still the same.

Will it ever be any easier ?
Will I ever feel like an ex gambler?

I will keep up this good work and hope it does, till then there is no other option. Gambling is my hell, the only thing I have little control over. Very sad but very true.
Abstinence is the only way..... as I tell my self every day in the same argument in my head. I am keeping strong but feeling weak xxx